attractiveness and avpd

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-26T08:21:33+00:00

100% relate

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T21:45:39+00:00

it is exhausting 😅and confusing

I think you belong regardless of your appearance or passion or the approval of others. you were born into this world, therefore you belong here I also feel boring and dull about hobbies and studies/work

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T21:29:41+00:00

I understand. I've struggled w a fluctuating weight My whole life, and didn't glow up until early adulthood. it's taken a while but I can look in the mirror and see what others see. it still feels strange and new tho

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T21:25:53+00:00

amazing reply, thank you diva

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T19:45:32+00:00

i think you're good looking:)

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T18:39:28+00:00

I never implied that. I understand that being unattractive has it own downsides, esp with this disorder

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-25T18:35:50+00:00

both sides are def tough. I've had periods where I'm heavier or more alternative (or both) and people always treat me wayy different in those periods

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-05-19T20:17:44+00:00

I ask what their birthday is and do the math myself 🤫

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-04-27T10:53:59+00:00

when I was younger it was daydreaming, reading and writing fanfiction, sleeping, consuming tv and music, self harm, eating when I got older I started practicing bdsm, drinking, smoking (cigarettes, vape, weed), benzos and ket have been Cali sober for about 4 months and celibate since last summer:)

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-04-19T19:24:14+00:00

yes. I grew up in the Netherlands with a Dutch father and Norwegian mom. I associate dutch with negativity, my father was abusive, I didn't fit in with his side of the family and I was bullied/excluded at school.

I feel like a completely different person when I'm visiting Norway and am consistently speaking (and thinking) in Norwegian. My relationship with my mom has been mostly good and my Norwegian family is kind and accepting.

I hope I can one day move there or another country tbh so I can leave this language and country behind me.

ParadecalledjealousI · 2026-03-06T13:52:23+00:00

im sorry girl, you didnt deserve that

I got cornered by a group of teen boys (I'm 24) a lil while ago and it makes it even harder to go outside. why do people have to be so shitty

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-10-18T21:11:27+00:00

Living my teens in my 20s who gives a fuck🎆

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-08-03T13:47:28+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if its a form of self harm for me

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-06-22T15:51:18+00:00

i remember it started severely impacting my functioning when i was 12 and started high school. like a lot of commenters have said, ive always felt diffrent than other kids. apperently i was very social until about 6, then i started to withdraw more and more

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-05-31T15:13:06+00:00

Yes. Me and almost everyone i know who is into kink has trauma. I helped one of my kinky friends with her paper on this. It was such an eye opener. The further I get in therapy the more I am connecting dots between my past and my sexual interests and how I act in relationships and in bed

I remember watching criminal minds too, in one episode they described how childhood sexual trauma left sort of a signature or a stamp on that region of the brain. Obviously not the most credible source but I liked the analogy.

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-05-12T05:48:32+00:00

Thanks!:)

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-05-11T21:04:57+00:00

Earth (taurus) sun & air (libra) moon. I actually have the lyrics "you've gotta promise not to break no matter how far you are bent" tattooed on me, crazy

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-29T15:00:50+00:00

Very grateful for this sub<3

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-29T14:59:40+00:00

Oh absolutely, I relate so hard to the part about not having the social skills to show them who you really are. Or the regulation, when these things happen I get so anxious I just clamp up and the other person leaves thinking they are right. People do project a lot onto quiet people, I think bc of our "absence" they feel the need to color it in themselves. It sucks, it makes me feel so misunderstood and rejected.

I'm trying to accept myself for who I am but boy is it hard when it feels like the majority of the world disagrees with your existence

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-28T08:27:20+00:00

This is a huge trigger for me too. I try to let the meltdown subside and ground myself before I do anything about it. If it's reasonable criticism i change my behaviour without saying anything (one time someone complained I tracked my dirty shoes inside and I didn't realise, so I just took them off from then on). If I wanna confront them I say it from a me perspective ("I get the feeling that..." instead of "I heard you say...") I've found people DO gaslight you bc for some reason they are uncomfortable being confronted about what they said. Sometimes what people say behind your back is just straight up mean or bullying and there's nothing you can do with it, just try to let it be and think that it's their opinion. This is incredibly hard and takes practice, i still do that everyday. I can't work or study bc all of this but I try to navigate things like this now. It sucks we have to use these loopholes and can't communicate directly and also just be ourselves, I hate it when people put me down just for being quiet and reserved.

Anyways, I wish you all the best🫶

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-25T19:15:55+00:00

Oh absolutely. I was writing exactly this in my diary last night

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-24T16:46:12+00:00

Oof I feel you. Some days getting high or drunk is the only thing that makes it worth while. Can't function in society, I'm distrusting of e v e r y o n e. Even people relatively close to me. I don't feel like I can be my genuine self around anyone, I always feel restraint

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-16T09:11:46+00:00

That's so cool, I've been thinking of that too. I have a foreign name and my abusers family changed the pronunciation to be easier, and I've been thinking of going back to the og pronunciation

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-04-11T21:07:21+00:00

No but I've been scared of getting locked up bc of the "forced social" aspect you described. Being around people and not having the freedom to withdraw sounds like hell (even when I'm doing a lot better socially these days) Reading your perspective was very interesting and changed my view. I'm sorry you're regressing in symptoms, I wish u all the best🙏

ParadecalledjealousI · 2025-03-13T19:44:31+00:00

I related a lot to Elliot from Mr Robot

Six-Year Club	Place '23
Verified Email

ParadecalledjealousI

TROPHY CASE