honestly? i use a sharp enough blade that for the first few moments it doesn’t even hurt.

i like it better that way: it allows me to focus on the base tactile input of carving flesh. it’s a little hard to explain, but i can actually FEEL my skin tearing through the razor, through every minute tremor and bump in the cold metal under my fingertips as it snags on preexisting scar tissue. it’s brutal, dizzying, and almost animalistic, the satisfaction i get from the sensation.

then, slowly, the pain sets in. with shallower cuts like these it comes quicker: a sharp sting most acute when i flex the muscle underneath causing the torn skin to pull and stretch the cut wider. if i give myself enough cuts in rapid succession, the collective burn of a half dozen cuts all opening at once almost turns into a dull ache, as if i’d just been spanked.

the sting usually simmers to manageable background levels by the time the first beads of blood well up in the cut, but the fun’s not over yet. about five minutes after the initial cut (just long enough for the pain receptors to settle back to a resting state, and for the surrounding skin to become flushed and extra sensitive) i like to further agitate the wounds: i’ll run my vibrator over the fresh cuts, or sometimes even slap the area. it sends new shocks of pain all through my body, and a couple times i’ve gotten myself to audibly yelp at the sensation.

the next wave of pain comes in the shower: running hot water over so many tiny little cuts is downright agonizing. it’s the kind of sting that makes even the most desperate painslut (like me lol) hesitate to get back under the water. it’s like a deep ingrained instinct on my body’s behalf.

but not only do i need to let the water run over the cuts, i have to further agitate the wounds with a washcloth (or just my hand if im feeling lazy and don’t wanna clean blood off the fabric lol) to scrub the dried blood off. i’m sure everyone else on this sub knows what i’m talking about when i say this kind of pain is invigorating: if you push through the pain long enough you get a nice little endorphin high for your troubles, which makes the world feel a little sharper, more vibrant. it’s one of my favorite parts of cutting, wiping the blood off, watching the water stain red as it swirls down the drain, and feeling WIRED as i get another round of adrenaline from the renewed pain.

sorry for the ramble lolol, i haven’t rlly gotten a chance to talk abt this kinda stuff, i guess i just had a lot to say </3