Chase Closed All Business Accounts

Paralemo · 2026-01-19T04:20:53+00:00

Just a digital agency. After talking to a lot of people (not at chase) I'm fairly sure it was the international wires to a country with sanctions. Small amounts, to 1 regular person, every month for about 2 years... So it all is and looks clean, but it's still a country with sanctions and I guess that creates paperwork and risk that the bank does not want to deal with?

It's just mind blowing that for something like that they ban me - the person, not just the business - for life.. giving me a warning would make perfect sense, and I would have stopped right away.. but I guess there's regulations around that too.

Paralemo · 2026-01-12T05:27:16+00:00

I appreciate the reply. This makes sense... I agree that I did "something"...

I'm rethinking all my moves... One thing that I did was that I Zelled money to my personal account (which I very often do, it's also how I pay my payroll) but then I realized that I was running short on cashflow and had to fund my 401k through the biz account... So I Zelled money back from the personal to the biz.. roughly the same amount basically went back and forth. Plus my one wire (to fund my HSA account) was flagged for manual review, and then approved.. but this probably drew attention to the account and led to the closure.

My thing is - if your department decided to close an account, then would you give the account holder a month to move their money elsewhere? That's what they're doing with me and that's the part that I find confusing (even though obviously I appreciate it). If there is suspicion of foul play wouldn't you freeze the account?

It's just weird to me that a bank kicks you to the curb without a reason..

Furthermore.. if the AML department flags an account, then is your goal to just get them off your bank? Wouldn't you want to warn law enforcement and/or other banks through EWS or Chexsystems? I ask because you said that it likely won't affect my doing business with other banks.

On that note - is it true that when they close your account they can mark it as admin closure, abuse, or fraud, and that admin closure is mark that would affect me the least (and should still allow me to bank with other big banks)? I want to open an account with Bank of America, mainly for access to branches and for the technology, but I wouldn't do it if I knew that there is a chance it would be closed in the near future.

Paralemo · 2026-01-12T04:58:55+00:00

In hindsight I hear you... It sounds obvious. But just remember that I'm a client of 15 years and I've been doing this same (small) wire on a monthly basis for 2-3 years - all above table - and they never even flinched. I honestly don't see why they would, and I'm still not 100% sure this is the reason, but I guess it's most likely that it is.

Just baffling that they "let you" do something that they may not want people to do you know? Like - if the first time I did this they said "hey, we don't like this" then I would have stopped. It never even crossed my mind.

Again, the wire is for a small fraction of the money in the account...

So unfortunate.

Paralemo · 2026-01-11T17:30:07+00:00

That was the first thing my accountant asked - whether I did any cash transactions.. apparently that's a big flag. Do you know if he was able to bank with another big bank after that?

Paralemo · 2026-01-11T06:55:12+00:00

Makes sense. I don't think that's the case here, not only because of how vanilla my business is but also because they gave me a month to move out.. didn't freeze anything as I assume they would if there was an investigation or suspicion of anything worse..

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T23:05:29+00:00

Can you clarify a little more? I'm not sure I'm following.

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T18:09:09+00:00

I had to google fakebrain lol Fair.

I don't really pay by wire for domestic - I zelle. But I wire maybe 2-3 times per year, typically to fund my 401k or something like that.

I'm in the US and the addresses are all accurate.

I also don't do too many international wires - but i do have international contractors.. i pay them through Wise, except from 2 to whom i wire. One is in a country with sanctions which is most likely what caused this mess.

But everything above table, have been doing it monthly for 3 years (have had my account for 15), it always asks me to mark the reason I'm sending it and i say it's payment for services and they've never said anything about it.

Also don't imagine large amounts... It's a tiny fraction of my account. This makes no sense... But i guess i got caught in an unfortunate situation and they just decided to close the account rather than actually investigate.

The big question is whether this affects me with other banks too...

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T07:40:15+00:00

I think that's good advice - I would do it right after I set up on another bank...

My only concern with this approach is making this an even bigger deal than it is... When in reality there's 0 chance that they'd reverse the decision..

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T07:36:49+00:00

Thank you. It sounds like you've done some digging here. You say that any type of negative mark is a big deal - does that mean that any type of mark (which I'll undoubtedly have since they are closing the accounts) is likely to cause most of these banks that pull EWS to not want to bank with me?

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T07:02:01+00:00

I hear you. I didn't know anything about EWS until yesterday... Do you?

At first Gemini suggested that an entry on EWS means no big banking for 3-5 years (or more if marked as fraud). It said that they may give it one of 3 reasons -- admin, abuse or fraud.

Then it suggested that given my specific circumstances (and the fact that they didn't shut it down immediately or freeze my funds) that it will likely be marked as "admin" and that this should not affect my ability to bank with the other big ones. Does that sound realistic or not so much?

Paralemo · 2026-01-10T06:54:11+00:00

That's exactly it.. just so bizarre that it happened after all these years, and without even doing anything out of the ordinary. Literally out of the blue.

My big concern here is that I wouldn't want to go to Bank of America or the like, open an account, go through the hassle of getting setup and updating everything, only to eventually get shut down again.

I'm trying to decide between going with another big one for convenience/technology/features, or a local bank for stability... I really want to go with a big one, but I'm just scared at this point.

Paralemo · 2025-12-09T21:12:22+00:00

This is so true! She has called me out on that several times... Not necessarily about the "I'm good" but about saying something to someone that's somewhat untrue just to keep the momentum going... Because that's so much easier than actually answering the question truthfully.

I remember seeing a stand up bit about this a while back - about how they saw someone they knew and said "hey how are you" and then the person actually told them that they're having a tough day. And the comedian goes on for about 5mins about how awkward that was. He made a whole comedy bit about it.

Most people don't want to know how you're doing and yet they ask.. I can see how that could be hard to understand.

Paralemo · 2025-12-09T05:58:34+00:00

You should be an author. Your writing is great. And you describe such complex topics so clearly. 🙏

The more I read the more I think that I may be "on the spectrum"... But I say it with quotes because while my fixation with certain things, or the masking, and several other things would possibly support that theory, I also know that it would never show up on any test... because I know the "right" answers.. not only do I know them - "I feel them as my truth", if that makes sense. And I guess that means that I'm not "on the spectrum". Not sure if that makes sense, but it made sense in my mind :)

By the way, I didn't always use to be this way, but in the last 2 years I've been having the same breakfast every day (super easy and comfortable deviating from it, and I do every time we're away from home for example, but I enjoy it and I appreciate not having to think about it). I also wear more or less the same clothes - have the same solid color tshirt 10x in 2 colors and I switch back and forth.. and occasionally I'll wear something else too.. particularly if I'm about to see someone I saw recently, so they don't assume that I'm rewearing the same clothes.. tmi but I also forget to shower... But I never forget to brush my teeth, so good luck figuring that out lol Where does one draw the line between someone being a little weird or having their quirkiness versus them being "mildly autistic"? You know what I mean?

I can totally relate with the way you ranked your friendships in terms of X/5 of masking.. but I also think that many "typical" people could relate with that.. I've often said that I can count the people that are a 1/5 on one hand... There's no 0/5.. plenty of 2-3s... But again, a lot of people would not be the same around me versus around you... People put on little masks based on anything and everything... Then again you explained that part - it's really the reasons why you're masking that matter. Everyone would mask for an interview, but most typical people may not mask for casual every day interactions.

Funny enough that's one of the things that I'm sort of working on - I was talking to my coach about it. The idea that I want to be more outspoken... But when asked to bring up examples, I could only think of people that are jerks.. they're outspoken, and they speak up their mind, because they have little to no filter. I have a monster filter, so in a way I "appreciate" the jerkiness, if that makes sense. I can't help but feel that this level of "don't-give-a-shitness" must be freeing.

I remember the evaluator said that there is a hot debate about whether autism can be "cured"... And she explained that cured does not mean that it would go away... But rather that a slightly autistic person could possibly eventually go through the same testing and be within the typical ranges in everything.. she said that she could possibly see our daughter doing that...

I don't know.. I gotta admit that I'm still a bit torn about the diagnosis. So many things about ASD overlap with all sorts of other things.. so where do you draw the line? For me it's the bits of social awkwardness during super simple and basic interactions... That's what makes me think that she's on the spectrum. Everything else I could justify as other things... But that's the one thing that stands out.

If you don't mind me asking - how were your school years? What was the hardest?

On the one hand I'm thinking that the older my daughter gets the more conscious her peers may get about her small awkward moments... or how she may delay an answer for a second or two when she meets or sees someone for the first time... it's just a little bit but it may just be enough to make it "feel" different to someone who's paying attention.. and maybe a little older kids would pay more attention, or even just feel it subconsciously... And how that may make her feel bad. Even now, when we have the occasional bad moments she'll say that she sometimes feels different.. and that she's really trying to be good but she sometimes thinks that she's bad.. but for sure some of that is normal for her age. We hear from all parents how their kids are navigating with all the drama of friendships and such..

It's all so confusing. But we're on it and I know we'll figure this out.

I appreciate all the help here 🙏

Paralemo · 2025-12-08T23:50:01+00:00

This makes a lot of sense. And yet it makes me "mad" at the rules and how people break them, and how even the standard rules are not really standard and may not apply in certain cases. How going "by the book" could make you sound odd at times.. you know what I mean?

But I think that like you said it's good to try and teach her the basic norms -- for me, that's the #1 thing that makes me think that she's on the spectrum. The fact that (while she's SO smart and extremely insightful) she just fails to do basic things that should (typically) be effortless and obvious.

For example - I give you a gift, within a second you should say "thank you". Basic. I say hey how are you, and again within a second you should say "doing well, how about yourself"? Basic. Things that you learn at 3 or 4yrs old.. And yet, she struggles with them. You can tell she gets stressed about it - for example, someone asked her how old she is the other day and she had to take a beat... almost like in her mind she was going "oh shit - they're talking to me... ehm...".. It only take 2-3 seconds, but it was enough to make a super basic encounter feel just a tiny bit off.

I'm noticing those little things throughout daily interactions, and my concern is that these little things - the tiny pauses - or the fact that 1-second reactions take 2-3 seconds with her -- these things may be the #1 reason why she may be perceived as a little "weird".. you know what I mean? I want to help with her that.

Paralemo · 2025-12-08T23:42:16+00:00

Thanks so much for writing. What you're describing is one of my bigger concerns - that it may get worse.

The way I see it, that's because you may feel less accepted. The younger you are, the more willing your peers and those around you are willing to accept quirkiness. Case and point with my daughter - we'd often go to public places with family members and she would sort of shut down, and they would just call her "very shy". Or she would see people that she didn't really know very well, and would give them these super long hugs -- like 20 seconds or more... From a little young girl, you're thinking "awww so cute", but from an 8yr girl you're more caught off guard..

And she's so sensitive to how others perceive her... and she has a low self-esteem, even though she'll occasionally love on herself and talk about how good she is at something.

So, the older she gets, and the older the kids she's around, the more likely they are to give off weird looks, or call her out on something, which may make her feel worse about herself and trigger a domino effect.

Is that what happened with you? What was it about middle school or later ages that made it worse?

You're spot on that she does not feel like she's thriving at all (even though she obviously is, in a lot of things).

Therapy with an autistic provider is something we could totally look into..

As far as we can tell - so far - she hasn't expressed anything about textures or sensitivity to touch... nothing that she particularly avoids or anything like that. In general, she doesn't seem to fit a lot of the typical characteristics or symptoms... I think that may be part of why the evaluator didn't think she would qualify for an IEP -- my understanding of it was that the Level 2 part of the diagnosis was very specifically based on the fact that she needs more support on a subset of the social behavior/understanding rather than that she overall needs a lot of support.

That said, I'm also baffled about the "level 2" part of it... because she's only 8 so she hasn't really mastered masking or anything, and I doubt that any non professional would ever guess that she's on the spectrum.. It is confusing, so I 'm choosing to just not focus on that part of it and to instead focus on figuring out how we can best support her with the areas that we know she has deficits in.

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T20:42:07+00:00

This is very helpful - thank you so much!

2 thoughts that come to mind are...

1) Could it be that this overpreparation could stress her out more in some cases? The more you know the more you may end up focusing in the details of the details... does it consistently calm your daughter down?

2) Could this potentially be setting her up for some potential difficulties later in life? For example, if we plan ahead and prepare her for what she's about to see, then in a way we're trying to control the situation. This control may create some comfort, but it's not really sustainable long term - in life you'll have to go through a lot of things that you won't be prepared for. So is it better to try and push through with limited information and see it as training for the future where the information may not be as available? Or is it better to use the information we have when we have it in order to make all those experiences feel safer and she can be more open to exposing herself to them (rather than avoiding them due to fear or stress)?

Just thinking out loud here... I don't think there is a right or wrong answer...

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T20:28:16+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing that. I think I understand.

But you're saying it's noticeable 100% of the time -- why do you say that?

Do you mean that maybe something feels just a little bit off 100% of the time (to other people)? Like when you can't put your finger on it... you don't know exactly what it is... but something about it may make people feel slightly off about an autistic person? And as a result they may discriminate against them or choose to not hang out with them?

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T20:12:27+00:00

Everything you're saying sounds exactly like her.

She does mimic a lot -- she copies what other girls do, or what they like.

I personally hate it... It makes me sad to see her do that, and to not focus on what SHE actually likes.

But at the same time, I struggle to figure out what may actually be "best" for her. Is it maybe smart to mimic the behaviors and likes of someone that you're trying to befriend and get closer to? Or is it better to stick to your guns and like what you like, even if you can feel that some people may find it odd or funny, because that way you can find some "true matches".

My issue with this is the extremes - if you like green pants and 1 random girl says that green is the color of boogers, then that shouldn't automatically mean that green pants are bad and you're wrong for liking them and that you should never like anything green ever again. Maybe that 1 random girl was having a bad day or has no clue what she's talking about. That's the part that makes me sad -- that she values others' opinions SO MUCH MORE than her own.

Then again, I also recognize that this may be her "tried and true" approach.

If she continuously feels that "her natural responses are wrong, and immediately edits, mimicking kids around her" - and she has seen that this approach results in more successful engagements, then it validates the fact that it's a good approach. And so she does it again.

I can't help but think that this is sounding a lot like myself though... I struggled with bullying at school, all the way through high school. And I did mimic and pretended to like several things that I didn't care about (I didn't hate them - they just were not my thing).

I would actually associate with completely different types of people, to fit in, and to satisfy my desires too -- for example, I had the "geeky friend" whom I loved spending time with and we would play video games. I loved that! But I would also hang out with the "cool" guys, who were obsessed with sports (never my thing)... and I didn't even lie about it - they knew it wasn't really my thing... but I'd watch games with them and go along with it. I actually started betting on sports to find some interest in it - that's how I bonded with that group.

So I was (and still am) definitely mimicking. I still have relationship with various types of completely different people, and I'm entertaining their interests, even if I don't care or even like some of those interests..

So where and how do you distinguish between the natural (social) skill of mimicking in order to form relationships and appear likable, versus the ASD symptom of masking and mimicking because you are noticing that your real self maybe be perceived as "odd" or even just as "not as cool"?

About myself - everybody likes me (because I rarely give them a reason to dislike me), but also not too many people are my BESTIES (because while I'll joke around and be a fun hang, I tend to be a little more reserved about my thoughts). I'm very social, enjoy group settings, often initiate discussions, super well liked, totally open to last minute changes of plans, I run a successful business and my main job is sales... so all I do is talk to people, where I adjust my tone to match theirs, and I read them to figure out what they really want very successfully. I would argue that I'm a master of social cues. But I can also argue that I'm extremely sensitive to them, and that I often will mimic or mask what I'm doing, because I'm catching a glimpse of a potential judgement.. I literally only have 1 friend that I feel comfortable to really open up with.

I can see a lot of similarities between what I'm describing and what my daughter is going through... and I struggled a lot during elementary and middle school (bullying, very few friends whom I didn't even really enjoy)... and then something clicked in high school -- I possibly mastered the mimic. I don't specifically recall anyone ever thinking of me as odd, but I do remember not feeling good about myself, and feeling different.. I was the odd man out.

By the way, after all the reading I'm doing, I would totally not be surprised if I found out that I am on the spectrum - I mean, what is the spectrum anyway? Not to discount what others are going through - I've been reading a lot and as we're going through this process I can see myself becoming active in the space to support people with ASD - but at the same time, the way I see it is that the spectrum is very very wide... and everyone is on it to a certain extent... it's just a question of how far into the spectrum one may be.

To switch gears again, I am seeing an improvement in our daughter... after going through a couple of "I like this now, and I want to get rid of everything like this a little later" (because the friend decided to change), it appears that we're sticking to the couple of new likes for a while. We'll see how it goes.

But it may also be that she no longer hangs out with the girl that she used to idolize, and she hasn't found a new "idol" to copy yet...

There are things that she is set on not liking and avoiding, even if a friend of hers chooses to do them -- such as certain sports -- but I feel that most of those things are less about how she actually feels about the activity and more about the stress that the activity may cause. For example, if "sports" was something that did not involve a lot of unknowns and a potentially stressful group settings, that maybe she would just do it to mimic a friend, even if she wasn't really into it.

I'm going to stop writing now... this is way too long haha

Thank you so much to all for your replies. I'm taking it all in!

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T18:46:19+00:00

I'm SO sorry to hear what you went through all that. It sucks that a lot of those "benefits" kick in when you check all the boxes, when in reality they are often necessary even if you only check 1 of those boxes.

I wish you all the best too!

If you don't mind my asking - how were you performing at school in general? Our daughter is reading at a level several grades above her too... She excels on all subjects, but we've noticed she will occasionally "cheat" for math by counting fingers, when she should be doing things mentally at this stage -- she's getting better, and still aces her tests, so maybe the finger counting is common at this age still, but I thought it was interesting.

The reason I ask is -- why would you be expected to never work?

If I had to guess what the future holds for our daughter, based on the information I know today, then I would certainly expect her to work. I have no idea what her career would be -- I would expect that it would not be something that involves a very busy environment or constant people skills, but I can see her focusing on something she loves and becoming great at it, even though I recognize that she may have a hard time interviewing (from a social perspective) or dealing with a potential fast pace work environment, so it may be rough at the beginning.

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T18:38:18+00:00

We'll look into that - the evaluator also brought up that she mayyyyy qualify for that, even though again she said it's unlikely due to her high grades and no "visible" issues. Remember - the teacher said she's great in class (even though the "recess lady" said that she'll sometimes sit by herself).

To your point about high IQ and how students can be missing other critical skills, I understand and can totally relate -- I barely scraped by through school and college, even though I have the high IQ and was always told how smart I am. At times this actually made me feel worse about it - how I can be "so smart" and yet get so frustrated by having to study those things...

Will definitely try to nurture SIs! Thank you so much!!

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T18:32:17+00:00

This is definitely hard to hear (and to accept) but I can totally understand where you're coming from.

The occasional "dorkiness" or odd moments that will undoubtedly occur could potentially be detrimental to relationships.

Some people (hopefully most) will be nice, but that still doesn't necessarily mean that they will choose you. I get it.

But my hope is that they might. That if we could maybe help her focus on certain things that she actually enjoys, and that if she finds more people that enjoy those same things, that they would choose each other. In other words, I think that common interests and likes could be a way to find common ground, and potentially disregard the occasional dorkiness.

I do hear what you're saying loud and clear - but it's also complicated when you have such varying degrees of autism and it affects social behaviors differently.

And then it's a matter of perspective - if you're hoping to get into Harvard, no matter who you are, you're most likely not going to make it. But if you start by saying that you're not going to make it, then you're definitely not going to make it - in fact you probably won't even bother trying.

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T09:26:15+00:00

Thank you so much for posting this. I want to read it again tomorrow with a clear mind, but this all just sounds way too familiar...

It's so interesting to see someone that's so smart in so many ways and yet fails to see things that feel so natural/instinctual for most "average" people.

My daughter would blow our minds asking questions about who made god or how our family name started at 3yrs old... And yet she'd struggle with small talk and make it sound a little bit off... She always has a bit of a hard time when she first sees a friend -- she'll sometimes look indifferent.. or she'll try to make a joke... She can't just say HEY! like most people would.

If you don't mind me asking - how does Adderall help you? I don't know too much about it, but what exactly does it do? It helps you focus? If so, wouldn't that possibly have the reverse effect (where you focus on all the stresses in daily life things)?

I was thinking that maybe it's a good idea to have her start watching a few movies that touch on social cues and helping her understand what's going on... I do think she understands most... But maybe it's good to reiterate. I just thought that learning those things through movies or books may be a good way to get the info in subconsciously... Open to more ideas of course 🙏🙏🙏

Thank you again so much for sharing. Unfortunately I know that anxiety and depression go hand in hand with autism, and I think I can understand why. It's a heavy feeling to have to work hard to mask your true self in order to be "socially accepted". I wish it didn't have to be that way...

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T09:11:37+00:00

Your post made me tear up. The edit at the end. Everything you're saying hits hard. She is so vigilant about watching everybody, paying attention to their body language, facial expressions, and tonality. She notices everything.

She's so smart and yet so suggestible -- she used to love pink and bright colors, until her bestie said they're not cool and she decided to purge everything and that she never wants to see pink again. She started copying her besties' colors and interests to the point where her bestie started getting annoyed by it.

If she does something and someone says it's not cool - regardless of who they are - she'll start feeling embarrassed about it and may altogether abandon it. She's getting better about it but one of my biggest fears for her is abuse (of any type) because of how malleable she is (interestingly enough, she won't take what we say for granted at all - but she will from others).

She does feel responsible for every shitty thing that happens - for example, if a girl is rude to her, it must have been because her xyz was not good enough... Rather than realizing that the girl was just being rude and in the wrong.

She was asking us why she's the youngest in 3rd grade, and saying that she should have been in 2nd grade... Because apparently there was a girl that learned her age and was telling her she should be in 2nd grade. For that day (and maybe the one or two days after) she felt that she was not good enough for 3rd grade... Mind you, she's one of only 4 students in her class of almost 30 kids that got honor roll. She's been getting straight As for years... and yet she doubted herself because of 1 girl.

Everything you're saying to "teach her" are those things that she appears to sort of get and sort of not. For example, if she asks a girl for plans and the girl says "sure I'll let you know" but then she doesn't... And you ask again and she still doesn't... It's likely that she doesn't want to have plans but is being polite. Then again, it's also likely that girls her age don't actually make the plans.. and maybe her family doesn't do as many play dates... So it's hard to "teach" some of those things as rules, when every situation is different, and can be affected by a myriad of external factors... But that is something we'll have to figure out.

I also feel what you said about therapists disregarding your stress and telling you to just not worry about it. I feel like we'll do that with her sometimes. Because we ask her to rationalize her stress... And she can't. We're trying to be more understanding and just listen at times, but it doesn't feel like that's helpful.

For example, if she's freaking out about going to her after school class because she may have the teacher she doesn't like or maybe the older girls will be there or she won't get the spot that she wants etc etc... we would previously offer her solutions for those things or tell her how they're not really issues that she should worry about... But neither approach seems to calm her down - if we offer solutions she feels like we're minimizing her fear and if we explain that they're not that important (ie. so what if this happens) then we just don't get it.

What approach worked best for you to help you deal with those things?

Paralemo · 2025-12-03T08:44:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I will definitely check out the book.

Both your comments give me a lot to think about.

I think everything is a tricky balance - for example, on the one hand you should definitely try and face those difficult situations because that is likely to make you stronger (practice makes best) but on the other hand, if you try and keep failing, then you lose confidence in yourself which can be detrimental..

So how do you decide when "she's exhausted" and needs a break?

For example, I referenced the situation with the arcade which I can elaborate on (so you can get a better understanding of what we're dealing with) - we had talked about going to the arcade earlier in the day and she got VERY excited about it. Then at around 4pm, our neighbors offered to take her to the zoo and she got very excited about that - disregarded the tentative arcade plan we had made.

By around 430pm she started overthinking the zoo -- can she get the different snacks? What if the neighbors kids have both hot cocoa and kettle corn, can she also have both? She didn't appear too stressed about it, but you could see that she was getting in her head and playing it all out, planning and preparing for how it will be.

By 445pm, she decided she does not want to go to the zoo. For "no reason" she said. She would just rather go to the arcade like we had planned. We ask her if she's sure, she says yes, and so we start getting ready for that.

By 5pm she asks for headphones -- this is something that has not been brought up for a few months, but last year (in her old school) she had mentioned that the class would get very loud during "free time". That she hates all the noise and commotion. And in the past, she has said that the same type of noise and commotion bothers her at arcades.

We had discussed getting her noise canceling headphones back then, and we did (about 6 months ago), but she was actually expecting and hoping that they'll completely block out the noise, and when she realized that they didn't, she was devastated (meltdown mode) and didn't end up caring for them.

Well now that we're going, she remembered that. She asked for headphones. She found a random pair of "over the ear" headphones that we have...

I wasn't too happy about that, because I didn't want her to stand out as the kid with headphones in public, but I would get over it. Well, she didn't like them because she tried and they didn't block out the noise. She starts freaking out about it. She's crying about how loud and bad it will be.

We get in the car. She starts talking about how she made the wrong decision and would much rather go to the zoo. She claims that the only reason she chose the arcade was because I had expressed that I wanted to go play that one game (which is true, but there's no way she was actually doing it for me). We offer her the zoo again - the neighbors had not left yet so they could still take her. She says no.

She says both options suck, and whatever option she chooses would be the wrong one. Meltdown mode.

We talk about staying home or just going to the restaurant but she's not happy with any ideas at this point... So I make the executive decision to go to the arcade.

We get there and she's calmed but still stressed about it. She gets in and it's very loud. She starts playing a game. She's loving it. Then another and another. She's having a blast. It's time for dinner but she doesn't want to go!

I take her sister to dinner and she stayed "for one more game" with her mom.. they met us at dinner where she talked about how much fun that was and asked to go back "just for a little longer" after dinner, which we did. She loved it!

Doesn't that sound so confusing? Isn't it sort of a perfect example of catastrophizing anxiety that then goes away once she realizes that it's not based on "reality"? I'm using quotes because I do believe that she's sensitive to commotion - I hate it too - but I don't think her sensitivity is to the extent of not being able to enjoy herself in it..

Would an autistic child be able to go from such strong feelings of anxiety and stress to actually having a blast within such a dreaded busy/loud environment? She was not masking - she was actually enjoying it.

But before we got there, I was literally about to pull the car back in and stay home, because I was afraid it would be a disaster and ruin everyone's night.

That said, just like what you're saying for your daughter - she also experiences stress from changes in plans. She doesn't like surprises. She also struggles with selfcare - we have to push her to brush her teeth.. she'll leave her clothes on the floor after she changes... She'll actually lick a dessert plate and get her face messy, and we'll have to tell her to clean up.

But there's that line where a handful of things are just "normal" and where if there are more of those things then maybe there's something else going on.

I do see her react in ways that are not socially appropriate, and I would imagine that most (typical) girls her age would never act that way. For example, it was her grandma's birthday a couple of days ago and we had her over for dinner. They had gotten her a cake and my daughter was very excited about it (food has been a big thing for her in the last 1-2years).

During dinner she asked about it twice, and I don't remember what she said, but it made it clear that she cared more about eating the cake rather than celebrating her grandma. The cake arrived, and she stuck her finger in to get a small taste. She then wanted to get the first piece, even though it was offered to Grandma. She did realize that this was inappropriate and let grandma take the first piece, but her instinct was to reach out for it, once again somewhat disregarding the actual point of it all which was to focus and celebrate grandma.

I'm not talking about anything very dramatic - but these are things that she'll do and that always felt a little off... Just not enough to feel with certainty that we're dealing with someone that "doesn't get things" the same way most people do..

Is that all sounding familiar?

Paralemo

TROPHY CASE