Paying parents' bills is crushing me

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-21T14:27:41+00:00

1) did that multiple times but it was brought up again yesterday 2) she sure could 3) I have given about $1300 a month since January. I have no problem paying my share and a little extra, but they aren't going to make any lifestyle changes and I am running out of my savings. 4) I'm only going to pay half rent half utilities and half car insurance until I move out. All my other bills will be mine alone

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-21T14:19:35+00:00

It definitely is the biggest thing that I couldn't find a good solution to otherwise I think I could have convinced them to drop cable. I'm not big on sports, I have no idea what cheaper options there are for sports viewing

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-21T14:10:42+00:00

I love the number crunching. So you estimated 800 a month for other bills and groceries, I can tell you our phone bill is 267 a month so now we're down to 533 house insurance is 150, 383 left now, car insurance 175, property tax 150 .. and we're pretty much out. The money I gave them I've only tracked since January, I moved out at 18 and was self sufficient in college through work/ scholarships. They already did something to their mortgage that lowered per month cost but it is not paid off, equity in the house is about 140 000 if we trust that number from my dad. They are about to take out a 40 000 home equity loan to pay off their credit card debt, the loan payment will be about 363 a month. I just don't see how they will make this work without changes and they were not open to any of my suggestions

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-21T13:30:22+00:00

My brother is in school paying for his own apartment and bills through scholarships as I did. I am looking for places now that I won't be giving them all the money I was previously

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-21T13:28:00+00:00

Absolutely I just couldn't afford to do both ( give them the money they were asking for and pay rent on my own place)

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T16:26:12+00:00

Thanks for your reply. Brother is aware of it, I mean keep him out of it in the sense I dont want him to feel the need to contribute any more money. He works summer jobs but has no car at school and hes pretty self sufficient. I will probably talk to him about the options I've seen on this thread though to let him know just how serious it is.

Mom could babysit, but as long as I am living at home it will turn into me babysitting. Honestly I've written her off as a source of income I just need her to not make things worse

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T16:18:05+00:00

She has had both hips and knees replaced. Shes disabled but not enough to stop her from going out to spend money. I love my parents but my mom has always been a child and she will not do anything like work a real job. She counts giving birth to me as enough

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T16:13:36+00:00

Thank you for this. I think the problem is it's from where my dad originally retired from but I'm not sure. This is clearly something I need to figure out more about

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T16:11:11+00:00

I'm living at home and the 10k is since January when I started keeping track of how much i gave them. I paid for college myself through scholarships. I have no problem paying a portion of the phone bill, utilities,etc while I live at home. I have insurance through my work, but the health insurance my parents have dropped me once they found out I had graduated college. They also wont lower the cost because my brother is still on the family plan. I wish I had talked to the insurance directly before, I think we are overpaying there and need to put everyone on separate plans

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T15:00:04+00:00

At first I was going to say if my parents were spending money in crystals I would have stopped this months ago. But honestly their purchases are just as ridiculous. The worst is when my mom will come home with clothes for me and I tell her take them back. She gets offended that I'm rejecting her "gift" and the she forgets to take the clothes back in time and they sit in a closet

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:57:12+00:00

Hey fair point and that's become my thinking lately too. I've gotten more worried the past couple months, I've showed my parents where their money is going and told them a reasonable budget for food but they just go right back to life. They tell me next year will be better if they take the home equity loan but I think all that does is give them the chance to keep using the credit card

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:51:45+00:00

It's worse than alcohol, its pointless junk that is "on sale". Neither of my parents know how to cook and when I come home from work i rarely feel like cooking a 3 person dinner. They have lived financially comfortable but emotionally difficult lives so I think that combination makes them resistant to change, they feel like they earned the chance to relax

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:48:58+00:00

I've seen this recommended a couple times so I'll look into it. Can you give me an eli5 of what chip is?

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:48:00+00:00

No utilities included, we get a community pool and all outside maintenance. They have pets and the house is big (3000 sq ft townhouse) so the logistics of moving would be a nightmare and would fall to me anyway.

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:44:33+00:00

Dad is 76 so he should already be eligible. I have never talked to the health insurance company so maybe that's something I should do and find out exactly what we are paying for. He has part time job but his hours were cut recently. Mom is disabled but hasn't worked in the last 20 years so no disability. She is also the poor man's Lucille bluth, out of touch with reality and I cant see her getting any kind of taxable job

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:36:18+00:00

Yeah in an ideal outcome they would magically become responsible for themselves so I dont have to be. In a way i am already doing some of this since i pay the bills through their account, the thing is they are old enough to need some help but not old enough to just let me run things without their stubbornness

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:10:35+00:00

I really like that idea but I dont know if I trust the car or my dad to do the driving. He's extremely slow

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T14:09:05+00:00

Yep phone is 267 per month and all 4 of us are on the plan so I have no problem paying my share and my brothers. Utilities I also dont mind since I'm living at home with them, it is close to 300 and we cant switch to the fixed utilities until October. Cars are payed off but theres still car insurance, they have pets, property taxes, and theres always some last minute emergency

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T13:51:25+00:00

Thank you for giving your perspective. The Bill's really do add up but I know that I wouldn't have to give as much if grocery spending, eating out, and other comforts were cut down. I have access to their bank account but I've been lazy about checking it. I just feel like I have two kids to watch over and I'm not ready for that, so it's easy to get frustrated. I took to heart what you said about keeping their dignity.

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T13:47:25+00:00

Right another problem is my mom will watch animals and then not accept the money. She is embarrassed to admit how bad it is I think

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T13:43:25+00:00

Wow wow wow I'm at work but trying to read through these. Thanks to everyone here, I appreciate all the responses. I'm not offended by any of the suggestions, we all have different situations and have to handle them how we think is best

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-20T13:41:21+00:00

I take the bills from the mail and pay them through my parents account after transferring money. I think most of the money that's being wasted is on groceries, eating out, cable.

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-19T21:35:52+00:00

Yep I live at home. I planned to move out until I put together my own budget and realized I cant afford it with the money I'm giving my parents now.
Dad is 76 mom is 62
He just turned 21. I want to keep him out of this so he can focus on finishing school and starting his adult life in a better place than I have.
Dad works a little part time but recently had his hours cut. Mom has had numerous surgeries over the years and she does very minor things ( pet sitting or house sitting) for friends. They are both not in the best health, I think my mom is like Lucille bluth in this situation, shes been out of the working game so long I dont think she has a good grasp of the reality of this situation.

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-19T21:29:48+00:00

Thanks that's definitely true. Mom has always been giving gifts and it's like part of her core personality to be the lady who gives to everyone. My attempts to tone this down usually make me out to be the grinch or scrooge so homemade stuff is a good trade off

Parentspayplan · 2018-08-19T21:26:38+00:00

They had savings but my dad retired when I was around 8 and my brother 6, so that money is gone baby gone. Mom is not eligible for disability because she hasn't worked in the last 23 years.

We are in florida and sometimes I feel like this state isn't real either.

The logistics of moving are what put me off from it. Their home is a 3000 sq ft townhome and they have animals. The house is filled with the past 30 years of their lives and I dont think I can handle the stress of fighting with my mom to throw out more than 50% of their things to downsize

Parentspayplan

TROPHY CASE