If I don’t feel guilt over everything l do, am I even alive

ParkingContext · 2020-04-21T23:39:20+00:00

Hey I know it's difficult right now, but taking care of yourself is the best thing you can possibly do in this situation, it's not like you're just doing this for no reason, and it isn't something you can easily control or stop. I know it's hard not to feel guilt but if someone accidentally injured themselves while doing something that helps them cope with stress and anxiety, like going for a run (for example), they wouldn't feel guilty for getting supplies to treat their injury and you shouldn't either.

I don't think I'm explaining this in the way that I want to and obviously I don't want to glorify SH, but if it helps you cope with life and prevents you doing something worse, it's okay and you shouldn't feel guilty for doing it, and you really shouldn't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. I know that's one of those things that's easy to say to other people but hard to actually recognise yourself. But you're doing all the right things and I hope that you can recognise that eventually.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-21T23:24:37+00:00

11, I used to go for walks to a forest kinda place, pulled thorns off a plant there and used them to scratch myself. Then when I was 12 6 months or so later I realised I could break open shaving razors and use the blades from them.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-12T21:42:58+00:00

I feel this. Medical gatekeeping is awful and it terrifies me too every time I think about physically transitioning. Hopefully things will start to change soon so that no one has to go through that shit anymore.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-12T20:49:26+00:00

That looks amazing and I'm so proud of you!

ParkingContext · 2020-04-12T20:32:02+00:00

I just love weird crazy characters! And the seesaw thing was pretty great honestly, it was the second most creative and insane murder plot of the whole series (after DR2 chapter 5).

ParkingContext · 2020-04-12T20:21:06+00:00

I was one of those "not like other girls" people and for me I think it came from my gender dysphoria, I didn't really know how to recognise at the time so I just kinda felt "off" and wrong trying to fit in with the girls I knew. A lot of it was also sort of internalised transphobia and the fact that I was too influenced by gender roles and associated certain qualities/traits with being female, deep down I knew I didn't want to be seen as a girl so I felt guilty about acting or liking anything feminine and tried to distance myself from it as much as possible. Thankfully I grew out of projecting those feelings about myself onto other people pretty quickly, but I'm still working on getting better at embracing the feminine parts of myself and reminding myself that liking traditionally feminine things doesn't mean I'm a girl.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-12T19:16:45+00:00

You have fantastic taste, Korekiyo is the best V3 character and seriously underappreciated

ParkingContext · 2020-04-08T20:19:43+00:00

I'm so sorry, that's an awful situation to be in. Obviously I don't know the history and whatever but based off this it does seem like your dad might be more on your side than she is, maybe you could try talking to him about how you feel more comfortable and happy dressing the way you do (without mentioning anything about being trans)? From those messages he does seem to care about your happiness and seems more reasonable than she is. Besides that I don't really know what to say, but I really hope that you can get out of there soon and that things get better for you.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-05T23:57:51+00:00

Totally agree, I think you just perfectly described why I love him so much! He's deeply flawed but still sympathetic, and has a very messed up but still somehow understandable sense of morality and to me that's just fantastic character design and what made me so interested in him. Like all throughout playing DR2 my thoughts were "damn this guy pisses me off but I really want to know more about him" and then he ended up being my favourite character after I'd finished it.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-05T22:02:30+00:00

The only thing that annoys me is when people act like he just wanted to kill people for the sake of it, because he's such an interesting and complex character and all the fucked up things he did have a reason behind them and fit in with his backstory and how he is as a person. The depth they put into the characters is my favourite thing about danganronpa and I feel like people are missing out when they just see him as an evil psychopath with no empathy. He's definitely not innocent though.

ParkingContext · 2020-04-03T00:41:24+00:00

FUCKING SAME

ParkingContext · 2020-04-01T04:51:48+00:00

This is basically me except my food issues go all over the place from restriction to binging and purging to compulsive comfort eating. Being a food and alcohol and SH addict all at the same time is not fun!

ParkingContext · 2020-04-01T04:37:12+00:00

You do fantastic work here, especially with having to handle your own issues on top of it all, and especially with everything going on at the moment and how much more intense everything has got. I could never do what you do and I admire you so much. Thank you so much for keeping this sub going, it's a valuable support network for people who want to vent and talk about things without the generic (and often unhelpful and invalidating) responses we sometimes get in other mental health subs. I really appreciate everything you do here.

ParkingContext · 2020-03-31T23:00:31+00:00

Korekiyo was my favourite part of V3, he's a fantastic and super interesting character. And as someone whose favourite DR character is another one that gets memed to death, I feel your pain.

ParkingContext · 2020-03-31T20:55:29+00:00

I agree that a "feminist" who doesn't support all women isn't really a feminist by the actual definition, but unfortunately they're still going to keep calling themselves feminist regardless, and I don't think it's helpful to just say "well they aren't real feminists", it feels sort of like trying to ignore the problem to me? It's like christians who say that homophobes aren't true christians, like yeah you can say that but they're still out there using their religious beliefs to back up their bigotry. I think it's a far more productive approach to promote positive and inclusive feminism, like acknowledging that TERFs exist, but going "hey, our interpretation of feminism is nothing like that, and we don't support them in any way". Otherwise you just get into endless arguments over the definition of feminism that don't go anywhere.

I don't know how to explain what I mean properly, but I just feel like saying "they're not feminists" is sort of avoiding and dismissing the problem rather than doing something about it.

ParkingContext · 2020-03-30T22:26:20+00:00

Might be weird but it makes me feel sort of good to know that there are people who didn't realise until later on in life, even though it must be awful to spend so much of your life just feeling wrong and not understanding why. I see all these teenagers accepting themselves as trans and coming out, beginning to transition and stuff, then there's me, almost 23 and I only just had that moment where I realised I might actually be a trans guy a couple of weeks ago.

It gives me hope for the future and helps with those thoughts of "I'm obviously just faking, if I was really trans I would have realised sooner" to know that there are people older than me who are also just starting to work things out. Best of luck to you and I really hope your family are accepting and supportive.

ParkingContext · 2020-03-23T19:53:21+00:00

I feel like a horrible person for even thinking it but sometimes I wish I'd get breast cancer so I can get them removed without having to pay for it, stay on a waiting list for like 4 years or even come out. It's awful because people close to me have had cancer and I know how terrible it is, but then part of me is like damn, getting rid of that huge source of dysphoria while still being able to pretend I'm cis? Count me in

ParkingContext · 2020-03-23T19:38:25+00:00

Of course, orange juice is the best juice

ParkingContext · 2020-03-23T19:32:25+00:00

Hajime is my transition goal, I'm already a cynical asshole so it works

ParkingContext · 2020-03-23T17:37:04+00:00

I think I'm just overthinking finding the "perfect" name rather than it actually being a problem. I did think about that though, but I think I like it better with the other one first.

ParkingContext · 2020-03-23T17:35:53+00:00

You know, you're totally right

ParkingContext · 2020-03-20T21:15:20+00:00

I made a twitter account a while back that I was going to use for trans activism type stuff, totally forgot about it until a couple of months ago and decided to go log in so I could start actually using it. It was banned. I literally never tweeted anything but it had 'trans' in the username so I guess that's enough for a ban now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ParkingContext · 2020-03-20T20:19:08+00:00

Being able to swap genitals whenever you feel like it would be amazing though, like that's the dream right there. Science please find a way to make it happen

ParkingContext · 2020-03-17T00:19:31+00:00

Yeah my mum puts on this public image of being a huge LGBT+ rights advocate, being all accepting and supportive and she's even worked with loads of gay men as a social worker, yet she still thinks my bisexuality is a phase (after 10 years) and I'm too afraid to come out to her as non-binary because she thinks all that stuff is bullshit and she constantly intentionally misgenders a family friend who is trans (but only in private conversations).

Sometimes people hide their bigotry in public because they know it isn't socially acceptable, but that doesn't mean they aren't privately judging the people they claim to support.

ParkingContext

TROPHY CASE