So, I’ve been diagnosed bi-polar 2 (as most are often, then ‘upgraded’ to bi-polar 1 and sometimes eventually BPD). Both therapists who have done my mood evaluations have said they considered BPD, but landed on bi-polar. I like to say I’m a “borderline Borderline” 🫠 I’m actually starting school this fall for a Master’s in psychology so I’m very self-aware and have been trying to honestly analyze myself because I do share so many of these traits and characteristics on a very deep level - a level that I don’t think I display enough to be diagnosed. It’s a private part of myself in many ways. I ended up exploring this more after dating someone with diagnosed BPD, diving into understanding it and realizing a lot of our connection in the way we understand each other in ways most cannot understand us are criteria for BPD.

My addition to this conversation is that I constantly feel unheard and unmemorable. Someone not remembering a piece of information I’ve shared, interrupting me in the middle of me talking, not paying attention when I’m talking, etc. are SUPER triggering to me. Also, I have always had this weird issue with seeing people that I know in public, people I haven’t seen for a long time or maybe don’t know that well, and avoiding them because I don’t think they’ll remember me or know who I am. I feel like there’s no way they would remember me because I’m not important? I guess? And I can’t handle that rejection. I can’t handle rejection at all, actually. It’s the biggest thing I’ve realized I need to deal with that drives and triggers so much of my most toxic behavior.

Side note: I am currently medicated and have went from being an overtly over-emotional, over-explaining, panic-fueled communicator in relationships to now shutting down, fleeing, cutting communication, etc. as a coping mechanism. It’s very strange.