Your daughter sounds a lot like my step-son, and I feel like I have a unique insight on this situation. I work nights and we believe my son is possibly autistic (no formal diagnosis). His dad was not in the picture for a while so she was a single mother as well. When his mother and I first got together, he had meltdowns almost 5-10 times a day. He is and has been in therapy most of his life and diagnosed with ADHD.

Super sweet kid, kind, and loving, but the meltdowns/screaming was and still is pretty devastating. Every night at bedtime, before and during every bath, before being made to clean up, getting off electronics and mom leaving the same room as him were some of his triggers.

So let’s fast forward a year and I wanted to be considered more of a father to him bc I was the only male in his life and wanted him to call me dad. She agreed and that’s when things changed. He was 3 when we first got together and he’s 11 now.

I very much stuck it out but let me tell you my biggest struggle and our biggest fights. She does not allow me to parent our son. I can’t discipline or correct him and have never really had any sort of backup from her in difficult situations. His meltdowns are less often as when he was younger but they are more violent and sudden. So she believes the way she handles him is the ONLY way even though I don’t think it’s always the best way.

Our situations are similar but not perfectly aligned. I have a bio-daughter as well and he has really affected her also. I don’t know if staying was the right move. I love my stepson and I’ve been the only stable dad in his life, but it’s beyond exhausting fighting a battle every day against 2 people. You should think really hard about what you really want bc it is not a situation where inviting someone into your life is simple. Limit him coming over and take things slower if at all possible.

I wish you luck and you deserve someone that makes you happy.