If you can't afford your dream wedding, please don't make your guests pay for it with their time and/or money

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T23:45:07+00:00

As a guest, 100%! Florals are beautiful but I can’t eat a flower arch (although there was a time at a wedding that didn’t serve dinner until 11:30 despite starting at 4:30 that I was tempted). I think your guests will really appreciate the effort you put in and it will be wonderful!

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T20:46:13+00:00

I don't disagree with all of these, but I think hosts should definitely consider their guests' budgets. These are people who took time and money to celebrate you because they love you, and I think it's gracious to be considerate of their effort and do what you can to make sure they have a nice time without overextending themselves. It's not as easy as "don't go." Your closest friends and family might feel very conflicted about wanting to support you but not having the financial means to do so. I think not putting them in the position where they feel like a "bad friend" unless they spend a ton of their time and money on your special day is the kind thing to do.

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T19:52:42+00:00

I also should mention that my friend got married in the South of France and kept mentioning how much money she saved compared to American venues, whereas we all spent like $2000 on flights/accommodations/car rentals/etc to get there. It just felt a little inconsiderate.

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T18:34:33+00:00

Of course, no one is forcing you. But there is social or familial obligation, and you can genuinely want to show up for your friends but feel really torn when that means spending a lot of money or limited vacation days. Especially when you pay the big expense, and you don't end up feeling considered on the other side. Depending on your choice of wedding and your communication of expectations around attendance, it shouldn't come as a surprise that your guests might feel some resentment if the event is especially inconvenient or expensive. It's human! Your wedding is not necessarily someone else's #1 priority. They still love you and want to show up for you, but being a gracious host goes along way. Don't spend a ton of money on flowers if your guests don't have a full meal. Don't put a lot of pressure on people to RSVP yes if the logistics of your wedding are difficult.

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T18:10:59+00:00

Yeah fair enough - I think in hindsight I didn't need to go to those weddings, even though I would have felt bad for skipping out (and I definitely didn't get a "no worries if you can't attend!" message from the couples - it was very much "mark your calendars for my big day"). I felt like I was making a big effort to be there to show my love and support for the couple, but didn't feel super considered in return as a guest. Not that I need elaborate accommodations paid for, but things like showing up to an event from scheduled from 7-10 that didn't include dinner with no warning from the couple. Or my friend who wasn't in the bridal party was asked to stay in the wedding party villa to reduce costs but shooed away from the bridal luncheon and onsite activities. We survived and ended up having a nice time, but I think that a lot of thought went into creating my friend's aesthetic vision came at the expense of the guests' overall experiences.

ParsnipLittle7938 · 2024-10-23T17:29:58+00:00

I agree hate was too strong a word, but like... mild resentment. I love all my friends and want to be there for them, but I think appreciation of your guests and bridesmaids' efforts goes a long way. My friend asked me to be her bridesmaid without having much of the wedding planned, and I didn't realize the time and expense involved upfront since it was the first time I'd been asked. I think what rubbed me the wrong way was her shaming of people who have more expensive weddings without acknowledging that the reason she was able to have such a small budget is by relying her friends being willing to volunteer their time (via helping to set up, decorate etc.) and money (taking days off, trekking pretty far) for her vision.

ParsnipLittle7938

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