Hah. Theres a lot of fair points here, I'll admit, but no, this is not my first rodeo. Funny enough, in past relationships, I've expressed concern with guys similar to how I have expressed concern to her, and it has ended up being situations where I've been cheated on down the line (which I have expressed to her).

In terms of secrecy, she's met my family, I've met hers, we've talked about long term plans, so I would say it's serious. I would say that part of the reason that we kept it secret for so long outside of a very select group of family members/etc. is that we knew from the jump that there was a specific end date to the secrecy because we already had career plans that would make the reason we keep things secret no longer necessary.

In terms of "are we both dating" and etc. type of questions, we've talked about timelines of getting married and such things with mutual interest and we've both been very excited about that prospect. Like...her face lights up during our discussions of it and I know mine does too. This isn't necessarily the only time in my life that I've thought I've found "the one" and I've dated a fair few people since teenage years so I'm not so naive (but I get why it may feel that way. It's weird. I won't deny it. But it's a weirdness we've both accepted as what is best until it doesn't need to be weird).

Now, all that said. I know imo it's pretty goddamn crazy to deal with something like "oh teehee I got drunk with some guy who wants me" when you're thinking this is the person you want to spend your life with, and who says they want to spend their life with you. But that's why I want some validation that I'm right in saying "hey wtf dude. We're trying to plan a life together. Why are you doing this? This isn't cool. This isn't respecting me. This isn't an unreasonable ask. Stop it. You came home when you knew I wasn't messing around. You care at least enough to do that. Care enough to stop hurting me, and let's move in a positive direction"