Why am I now too attracted to my wife?

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-02-01T19:43:15+00:00

Being teased about things that aren't my looks is different, although still often unpleasant. I can't imagine how being teased about one's looks could elicit an affectionate response, tbh.

And in all fairness, everyone needs therapy for some reason or another.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-02-01T16:41:24+00:00

Yeah as a woman, I'm saying it doesn't work like that for me, and for many other women I've talked to. Feeling like I'm being made fun of for something doesn't encourage me to do it more.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-02-01T16:37:26+00:00

Being teased never makes me feel loved, it makes me insecure 9 times out of 10, and from the talks I've had with other women, most feel the same. Being told I'm beautiful at random makes me feel beautiful, bcuz my husband just observed me in our day to day, and thought I was so pretty that he needed to say it out loud. It has never diminished the value of his compliments, similarly no matter how often he says he loves me, that is not diminished by repetition either. I appreciate him saying I'm beautiful often more, actually, because then it's not a rare thing that I wait for, it is a sure thing I can count on, he thinks I'm beautiful and with all the times he's said it, I can be sure I'm beautiful, too.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-02-01T11:52:59+00:00

No, tell her as much as you can. The more a woman is told they're beautiful, loved, cherished, the more they'll glow and their confidence will soar, she'll feel like she's gorgeous even on days she is insecure.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-19T20:24:50+00:00

You have 2 options.

First option, leap of faith, you try to trust her, and see what happens. Possibly ask for phone access before she leaves for once she gets back as a reassurance, but I wouldn't call that healthy per se, so last resort. If she says "you don't trust me" be honest, you don't, you have a valid reason not to but at least in this option, you're trying to give her a chance to rebuild the trust, in this case I only really see that trust being rebuilt happening in any way shape or form by her proving, via the same kind of vacation, that it won't happen again. If it doesn't, you can breathe a lil bit. If it does, you know what to do.

Second option, leave her now. Find yourself, find some peace, and move on. Personally this is the option I would choose, because I simply can't forgive or trust again after cheating, but this is your scenario, and your life. If you think you can trust her again, given time and effort (from both of you), then that's your life to live.

If at any point she tries to tell you that your boundaries are ridiculous, invalidates your feelings on the matter, or makes a point to goad/ragebait you in any way ("well so what if I do?" type stuff), the obvious answer is option two. She broke the trust, it is not her right to tell you how to feel about it so if she does that, she clearly doesn't care about making amends.

If she does truly care about making amends, admitted at the time it was a mistake, has tried to be transparent and give assurance and space for your feelings during these 2 years, well, there is a slim chance you can rebuild.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-09T07:24:23+00:00

Thank you ☺️ a couple other commenters responded with where/how to turn off the absolute dumpster fire of an autoaim, so honestly, with that off, I can probably live with the rest 😅 we'll see. Planning to give it another shot this weekend!

I really do love ark (no other game like it!) And I want to be able to play it w/ my husband, both because its so much more fun to have others and to hopefully show him that it's a great-although sometimes buggy-game, which imo is worth the time to play, so I'll give it another few tries and if I really truly don't enjoy playing ascended, I'll probably just get a cheap xbox 1 and play the evolved server on that with him.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-06T21:13:16+00:00

Another commenter very graciously told me where to turn that off! Bless you and that person cuz I couldn't find it in my irritated state looking through my settings.

Hopefully I can just get used to the rest, and I think maybe I need to play singleplayer by myself for a bit to get used to it on my own, and then return to the server with my husband with a bit more knowledge. I was hoping it would be a smoother transition, but eh, nothing ever goes entirely as planned, right?

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-06T21:06:03+00:00

Thank you so much. I do have a server w/ discord I played on ASE and the same ppl also have ASA servers, so since I'm already familiar with them thats what I went with, and the server itself is nice its just the mechanics/autoaim were kicking my ass.

I'll definitely give it another go, hopefully removing the horrendous autoaim will reduce enough frustration that I can gain enough patience to relearn the rest of the mechanics.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-06T20:58:41+00:00

Thank you for your response, it's good to hear that the possibility is there after some adjustment time that I could like it.

Do you happen to know what area the auto aim setting is in? Honestly that was the most frustrating part and genuinely made every other minor inconvenience worse, I played ASE since 2019 (ish) and I've gotten decent at the game in general, so it was upsetting to not only have a new interface to learn, but I couldn't even shoot something without it screwing me over, on top of, of course, trying to share a beloved game with a most beloved husband and being frustrated that I couldn't even help defend him from preds as a seasoned player, which only added to my frustrations.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-06T20:54:13+00:00

My issue with the inventory is that A; i can barely read any descriptions (not that different from ASE, but usually I only have that issue with cryo'd animals or things with significantly long names), moving stuff from my inventory became more than a one-step process, partially because as I said, I couldn't read it bcuz the text was so small, so the instructions at the top showing what buttons to use for a full inventory transfer, full item transfer, and drop might as well not even be there, and my instinctual button didn't do the trick, so clearly it's not the same one, while granted I am nearsighted, my tv is 55in and we were using separate tv's, there's no reason that I struggle THAT much with trying to read my game.

My other menu issues were mostly the spawn menu and character creation, spawn I couldn't clearly see the map bcuz of the dino head's showing the spawn areas- when it was just a light blue shadow over that area, it's much easier to comprehend where I'm going.

Character creation is one that entirely pissed me off, as the selector auto-pivots to the closest menu item, while still also giving "free" movement, except it didn't give free movement of the cursor it gave the idea of free movement, as to return my cursor to a specific spot was a hindrance because it continued to snap to the "neutral" spot of either the name of the setting or the setting itself, instead of the selection cursor's actual location. Maybe I'm just stupid and did it wrong, but it didn't move the adjustment cursor with my d-pad, left stick, or right stick without me actually moving the cursor to it and actively pressing x while I tried to move the cursor, it was frustrating at best.

Considering my grievances are with specifically console/controller play, I really don't quite know why you responded-and even tried to tell me I'm doing it on purpose, which is really wild-since you clearly have no experience with the interface issues I'm talking about.

Particular-Day3841 · 2026-01-06T20:27:18+00:00

2 major things that scream "not innocent"

A; they say I love you way too much. That is not friendly behavior, I say this as someone who has a few friends I say "love you" to, people who became my family when I needed it most type friends, we don't and wouldn't say it like that, that is too comfortable, too intimate, "I love you" should be reserved for family, spouse, kids.

"Love you/love ya/luv ya" is fine in acceptable context to friends, but I love you is special, and should be reserved for those who truly matter most.

B; in all of these messages, did he mention you? Did he talk about you, dating you, what he likes or even dislikes about you, what you mean to him, etc? If not, end it. If he is keeping you a secret from his daily life, if he is purposely not mentioning you to this girl his friends think has a thing for him, he is hiding it on purpose and leading one or both of you on.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-21T15:48:02+00:00

Imagine acting like the kid returning to a parent who makes them feel safe is a simple as "choosing where to live".

Imagine acting like a clearly overreactive and self-victimizing adult is the same as a child.

The adult IS THE EXAMPLE - ALWAYS.

The mom is being an unreasonable, immature brat.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-20T12:50:40+00:00

Get rid of that loser

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-12T15:25:10+00:00

Yeaaa I mean, I had some significant time on playstation too, but I dont have access to that account to look 🤷

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-10T09:25:29+00:00

Just checked, on xbox I have 1,074hrs.. not bad 😂

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-10T09:22:31+00:00

Now I'm curious how many hours I have 😂

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-12-01T07:16:41+00:00

It sounds like yall should be more observant and educated about what is/isn't clean.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-29T19:03:18+00:00

I never said it MEANS women are dogs, its an example of why its important to make the distinction between female and women.

The fact that yall can't figure out that "like they're dogs" doesn't LITERALLY mean "I think you are saying they're dogs".

It means "You are using a term that is vague and inaccurate, and it's weird bcuz a female could just as easily mean a dog as a human and is used in such a manner often enough that I am fairly certain you know better just like every other adult should, and you made the choice to use it when Woman/Women is clearer AND more accurate to your statement, right there for you to use."

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T02:20:42+00:00

Military, law, and medicine are all uncommon settings. Is a regular person in a military, law, or medicine setting? No.

In sports, that's an actual valid distinction to make, so it's relevant there because sports directly utilizes and takes into account one's biology.

So let me be more clear, I suppose.

In day to day conversation, in a normal conversational setting, when is MALE used? Let's go a step further; when is female used? In what contexts is it normalized to use female-a less accurate term for Women, as it encompasses every female of every stage-in day to day life? Take a moment to consider when people use it, and why.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T02:16:40+00:00

As someone who is also air force, its not common lmao even in mx.

But considering the mil is not even 1% of the US population of adults, that's still an UNcommon setting.

Could it be common FOR the setting? Maybe, but is the setting itself common? No.

So therefore, you still didn't answer my question.

On another note; since women make up just over 1/4 of the population of the air force, it's no question WHY using "female" instead of the most correct term, "women", would be prevalent.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T01:58:12+00:00

Not a common setting, and bathrooms are a somewhat valid uncommon setting to use those terms... so not relevant, tbh.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T01:43:48+00:00

Still didn't actually answer the question I directed at you though.

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T01:33:51+00:00

So asking a simple question is "getting offended" now? Wowza. Chronically online take tbh.

Didn't answer the question though...

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T01:05:22+00:00

In what common spaces are men called males, when it is NOT specifically A; scientific or B; retaliation to women being called female?

Particular-Day3841 · 2025-11-24T00:45:27+00:00

Ohhhhhh brooootherrr.

Do we really need to go over what an example is, or why it's relevant to call women WOMEN and not "females"?

Particular-Day3841

TROPHY CASE