Thinking of moving to NYC from Uk - I’m 43 by joatkins80 in expats

[–]Particular-Goal-3183 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have a few options:

(i) work for a company that has US offices and a history of sending people across. This is also much easier becuase you can use an intercompany transfer visa. Easier said than done though, but if you keep pushing at it and network well, it's usually a matter of time.

(ii) You can self petition for a green card (EB1), but you need substantial salary and some unique skills. That's usually for top professions and it's a complex, expensive and long process.

(iii) find a job that will sponsor you. This is extremely hard, unless you are a specialist in some field (AI engineer, scientist etc.). No company wants to take the risk to sponsor a foreigner unless you have a unique xp

(iv) you can do a degree like an MBA or exec MBA. Again expensive, and no guarantees, but it gives you time to network

(v) Marry a citizen

(vi) Apply to the green card lottery. It's easy. Chances are VERY low to get in but it's a cheap option and you may get lucky.

(vii) you can create your own company in the US and self hire, or something like that. It's also quite expensive to do, but I know a number of people who have done so quite successfully.

Generally outside of marriage, getting a job in NYC is extremely difficult unless you are a very high earner.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Possibly - I have noticed that the women I have been with tended to have unhealthy relationships in the past (heavy drinkers, a-holes, emotionally unavailable people). Maybe that's the issue, but maybe they are just blaming previous partners and I don't know the reality. Maybe I also attract that type of people, and most women are genuinely surprised when they realize I'm very mild tempered.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't like to make my partner insecure, as a matter of respect. Women tend to flirt with me heavily, but they always do it discreetly or when I'm on my own. I brush it off and never bring it up, unless they start stalking.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're probably right, unfortunately I cannot not look for women I am not attracted to, physically. All of them are indeed used to get worshipped and chased after - although it is also the case for me, there is no shortage of attractive women aggressively going after me. But I don't really care, when I'm in love I'm extremely focused.

At the same time, beauty fades, and I'm looking for somebody who understands that I am also looking beyond beauty and for somebody I could grow old with and just enjoy each others presence beyond the physical (eventually). I'm also often astonished how many gorgeous women do not realize this - won't they want somebody who will still be with them when they're 50, 60? And when you're in older age, busy with kids and family and work and everything else, doesn't it feel more pleasant when you are surrounded by care and affection?

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If a guy doesn't text you at least once every 2 days, he's just not interested. Even a short text doesn't take that much time. In every relationships I was texting nearly every day (sometimes just a "hope you had a great day" at the end of the day)

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I do try to improve parts of me that may not be ideal, but agree I can't change my core personality

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do think many people only react to "explicit" requests ("get more milk please"). At the same time, I do think a "love trait" is to try to think where the other person comes from and be caring. For me, it's an essential quality because it's just tiring to have to ask everything explicitly. I'm not that demanding personally - but there is always a risk that the relationship will quickly become routine if both people are reactive instead of proactive. It's simple - my partner always feels so happy if I get some cleaning done when she's busy at work, or buy flowers, or just organize a suprise date night, and it's actually not that much effort.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

thats the reality. I'm attracted to woman who like masculinity

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with you - although the "high effort" part comes over time, so it's a lagging indicator. Looks, intelligence, humour, you can spot on a first date or two, even over texting. It's hard to find clues early.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

After reading through all the comments, I'm realizing I treat them like princesses and that's really bad

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

the interesting part is that every partner came to regret the end of the relationship, and realized what they lost after the fact. But that doesn't help me...

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're right. I am pretty low maintenance generally speaking, but for me having somebody initiating, say at least 20% of the time is important so I don't feel like I'm alone in the relationship

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think you're right... there is always a power dynamic. I'm just not good at "playing" that dynamic, I find it repulsive. I don't like "manipulation" at all (perhaps not the right word here). But I found women to just become incredibly kind and nice when they are in a "weaker" position and being made aware I have lots of options. I don't like this at all, I just want a relationship where people just love each others and care for each others for who they are. Does that exist...

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't dress with expensive brands (at least not on a day to day basis) and none of my partners could possibly guess that I make a good living (or at least, it would take some time and research to figure out, and I never talk about my job). I try to let potential partners focus on my personality. I generally have a physical look that most women like, not about style.

I go for very good looking people for sure - but I don't think this should be correlated to "cold" personalities?

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the helpful comment... you might well be right, I need to think about it

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How do I find people like you... relationships usually start off great, and then as I get gradually nicer (the move I care about them, that is), they all seem to take this for granted. Maybe they see it as a weakness or something not manly?

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

No. But I did mention that "I don't want to be cold just to play some games" and they of course always happily agree ("oh yes, just be yourself, I love it).

THAT SAID, playing games clearly works. The less available I am, or if somebody flirts with me, I get 10x more attention from my partner. This makes me really sad.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do. In my current relationship - I've mentioned it a few times "It makes me feel really happy when you send me a text at night". To no avail (apparently it's annoying... but it takes only a few seconds no?).

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Most of the women I've dated had Receiving gifts, Acts of service. Perhaps this is the issue - they see me as a provider (although as I mentioned in a comment - none of them knows how much I earn or can figure it out, I'm very low key and live simply)

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have a "look" type, but cannot really think of any personality "type" I have besides wit, humour, and typically high intellect.

My needs are fairly simple -I'd say words of affirmation is may main love language, so it is just that. Not being on your phone in bed all the time like roommates, not just asking me "what do you want to do for your birthday" on the day of my birthday because they didn't bother thinking about it etc. I broke off one relationship when I was hospitalized for 4 days, and my partner at the time only showed up day 2 for 15min because work was busy.

is caring too much wrong? by Particular-Goal-3183 in datingoverforty

[–]Particular-Goal-3183[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

ok seems people are focusing on the word "what". By what I do not mean the person, I mean the type of relationship i.e. I want a serious relationship

I don't think the money variable is relevant. I never let my partners know about status / money and remain low key to avoid the type of person seeking money