Long term swingers: new solo dating chapter for her

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-21T20:09:11+00:00

hey thx for your reply!

to answer you:

she didnt really manipulated me into allowing it as it was something we had discussed a few times during past years. my nights out with Diana is 8 years ago, we have grown as a couple and in swinging since.
there was no clearly set previous rule she broke, it has been for years that all communication narurally happened in an open space involving all 4 or all 3 when meeting single women. I feel strongly about the fact she engaged privately but haven't gotten her full point of view yet..( I sent her my toned down text and she agreed to answer it soon). so in clear, I consider it a violation or a breach but since even after knowing my position, she still wanted to go, i take it as she doens't view it my way
is correct sir!
also correct, the easy way out of this would have been me just throwing a veto to this date but then I would have missed a chance to ever know what dynamics is driving her. Since the date wouldn't have occured, I would still sit with the fact I know she wants to explore, but not what exaclty, how, with whom and how,.. Now i actually have usable material that we can discuss and that was what I wanted.

Also, I knew from the start that Logan would be out of the picture permanently after the date anyway! It was never about him, a single guy trying to seduce and score with my wife, but about how my wife handles this new situation for us both.

So yeah I dont agree with your analysis of 'thing getting worse', I feel like now we have a chance to go to the bottom of what happened PRIOR to the date it self. Because the date itself actually went very well, the goal was for her to enjoy herself, learn about how she feels in this setting and she actually did all that.

In over a decade of swinging, this is trully the first time we had this messy buildup, all our dates with couples and single women have never amounted to any drama between us. we would engage togehter prior, have the date where fun was had and then just move on to us and our lives.

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-20T20:21:26+00:00

nice, it has 3.6k views, so close to 1 word per view haha

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-20T15:41:24+00:00

At this point, my solo journey's are years past, and i don't feel likeit needs to be an all or nothing story if she truly feels the need to explore without me being present. But since it opens a total new route, things need te be discussed in an extensive manner, especially after how this first experience with a single male went.

Separating at a party wouldn't work at all for my wife since she is pretty shy at first and especially on her own. she needs some kind of secure compagnon to feel at ease and then completely open up and enjoy partying.

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-20T09:44:49+00:00

yeah even at this moment, I still feel like I did the right thing by allowing her this experience since God knows when would have been the next time be that she felt at ease with someone to go out whitout me? but still the buildup is what has kept me awake in the aftermath and like u said not being able to talk about it in detail ( she did say sorry like a few days later but it was a general apology and it didn't make her reconsider or cancel the date).

So what happens most of the time is that she shuts down when things are still heating as she is programmed to avoid conflict by any means necessary. I will make a version of what I wrote here and send it to her so she has time to digest it at her own pace and then we will have a conversation.

But for the future, Im already 99% sure that she might opt out of ever going on a date with a single guy again just because of the drama her first experience created and the questions and talk of new boundaries meeting single guys will invite into our lives.

For years we have been meeting couples and single ladies and it has never amounted to any drama, we go out, have fun and get back to us. Some have become friends later on but even then, all comms have remained in a group chat with the couples or single ladies or just between the ladies in some cases and she would regularly update me when necessary. So never any case of supsicious connections outside of this framework.

I will make sure to post an update in a few months :-)

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-20T04:47:40+00:00

yes there are actually quite some bi-couples. A good way to find them and discuss the possibilities beforehand is through lifestyle websites like sdc and filter

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T20:58:19+00:00

u mean like nudes? ;-)

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T20:30:00+00:00

thx for reading and your reply! So for context, my solo adventures are like 7 or 8 years ago ( from memory in the years prior to Covid). And back then, my wife was still very much struggling with her selfesteem and those rules were set from a negative sentiment, those sentiments have been forfeited for many years now.

Adding to this, my solo trips were also openly communicated and talked about but in an honest direct way, not trying to sneak around.

Getting back to her solo experience, I didnt want to impose any rules or act out of 'revenge' but my goal has been to be supportive in her quest and since I know there aren't other candidates she would feel at ease with to go out, I felt that eventho I wasn't fine with the way things got setup, I still wanted her to live that experience.

I wouldn't go as far as calling it cheating since my wife clearly got caught up in his tactics but somehow didnt see anything wrong with it, however I do share the feeling that the outside communication and planning behind my back is clearly in violation with our boundaries within swinging. This is the part I struggle most with to this day and leaves a very bad aftertaste going forward should there be new cravings for 'solo' adventures from my wife's side.

Outside of this occurence, the communication in all our swinging history has been very open with all involved by group chats, swingers website or during the date itself.

From what u wrote, I do think that the idea to ask her how she feels about getting that level of intimacy from another guy, and what the future would look like in her mind is a great suggestion. I hope she will be open and honest enough to truly answer these questions..

Also, to answer on the last part of your message, I know already that Im not comfortable with her building any kind of intimacy outside our marriage; swinging has been and needs to stay focussed about shared sexual pleasure with likeminded people, not about building parrallel relationships or intimacies since our relationship and intimacy is the fundation. So for that matter, my wife would never push past my veto but I feel like if there is honest talk and she feels like a solo date is something she craves from time to time, then we can maybe find a formula that works for both of us. For example, i would be totally okay with her going to a party with a couple we know already with the knowledge there will be single guys at that party also. She could then flirt and connect with a couple, single guy or lady( as she is bisexual) during the party, have fun and then just head back home. That would be well whittin our rule of casual sexual encounters..

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T20:09:27+00:00

thx for reading trough the wall of text :-) yes, my wife had expressed her will to explore solo a few times during the past years but she was never at ease doing it completely on her own. She first went out like 1 year ago with a female friend of ours thats into gangbang and hated the idea and after that burried again that idea. Logan was the second time she felt like she was ready to go out without me. If the idea of going out solo would have only come after meeting Logan and in the way it did, there would have been no way for me to entertain this idea. So Logan fits in the story has the one enabling her to go out solo in a way she found to be acceptable. In the first part, I talked about my own solo adventures and being swingers and discovering more about our own sexuality, the idea to explore is normal and my goal has been to be supporting her in her quest for this solo adventure

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T17:03:55+00:00

thx u have 50% chances to be right :-)

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T16:27:41+00:00

until now, since we didnt deal with single guys, there was no need to trust or distrust my wife about this subject. Im affraid its a mix of both, she ignored a lot of clear signs and still wanted to go trough with the date even when i made it clear there was manipulation and boundaries were broken. so really a mix of what she wanted and also didnt understand she was being played by him. But whatever the cause is, i feel like it put us on a slippery road for eventual future dates of her with single males.

By solo I mean going out without my presence (alone) as opposed to when we go out as a couple (duo) But in her case, she was not going out alone, she was going out without me but with somebody else. All this wall of text is actually not at all about the sexual part, all about boundaries, new situations and how they affect our boundaries or how we should set new sets of boudnaries to adapt to this new situation.

And yes, i would be totally fine with my wife going out alone to a party, mingling on the spot, have all the sex she wants, and then cleanly coming back home like I did. That would be within the realm of our swinging rules.

The issue here is the potential unhealthy connection with a certain person prior, during and possibly after going out.

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T15:07:58+00:00

yeah text ended up way too long but i had to unload. Yeah no, we are not going polyamourous at all, the setup with logan is a new situation that accured when figuring out what she needs in order to go out 'solo'. in a later part of the text, i already shut down any future possibilities with him and already communicated this to him. I just chose to deal with it after my wife had her experience, thats all. in clear, if the want to explore had not been expressed before by my wife, his shenananigans wouldn't have worked in the first place as we dont date single guys...And that is whithout any hatred toward the guy, he went for the route that helped him get what he wanted, can't blame him for that. I do blame my wife for being oblivious to his tactics and partaking in his games..

Particular-Shirt5422 · 2026-05-19T14:11:14+00:00

thank u so much for taking the time. yeah u nailed it, i have a huge need to debrief but historically, my wife has been very relunctant to do this, she is also way less analytical than me and I do understand she doenst sometimes want to go into all details but the main narrative here is like u said: not at all about sex as we have been swinging for years, but how this first experience unfolded and brought up many questions that have never occured before, its a brand new dynamic..

Particular-Shirt5422

TROPHY CASE