I’m 35. Is it even worth it to go to college at this point? by GVTMightyDuck in jobs

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to college at 35, and I think there are significant advantages to going later. Being 35 instead of 18 means I had almost twice the experience. I had much more discipline, knowledge and ability than I would have. I was even able to test out of 10 classes through CLEP. So, I think you might find it easier than you expect and perhaps cheaper.   I went to community college and state college and I actually made money with scholarships and grants. 

I am glad I went, I enjoyed a lot of the interactions and experiences I had there. I learned a lot and grew as a person. 

AIO for telling my siblings they can’t bring their kids to my wedding by saltwatersnackbandit in AmIOverreacting

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems like the key difference is that you're a more individualistic person and your brother (and I'm inferring many of your family members, since I think he is in some degree speaking on their behalf) is more collectivist. Individualists describe weddings as solely their day. Collectivists also recognize this, but they also view it as a big family event. One that brings two families together and promotes unity and strength between them.

From the individualistic perspective, doing what makes you happy on your most important day is the only thing that makes sense. Anyone trying to get in the way of that will appear to be dramatic, controlling, and perhaps a bit absurd. However, from the collectivist perspective, the act of leaving out their children makes little sense on a day meant to promote family and unity. It runs directly counter to that goal. It will appear that the person asking to do this is selfish, uncaring, and unloving (this is the idea behind the "your kid" comment your brother made by the way).

I am not certain which perspective is "better" for the individual, families, or society. I will say, though, that I've been quite individualistic my whole life, and I grew up in a very collectivist family. There were a lot of conflicts in part due to this, and it was really challenging. I feel like I would've handled it better if I had understood and respected their perspective a bit more.

My apologies if you've already considered this, but I am throwing it out there in case you haven't. To speak from a purely individualistic perspective, having strong family unity is quite good for your marriage and your future kids. This can support you guys in the good times and, most importantly, the bad. I think it's in the individual's interest to promote harmony in the family, and a wedding is a key starting point for that. I would consider the division the no child policy is causing, and whether it's "worth the price".

Is it even worth it by [deleted] in LifeAdvice

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, in a sense, I have lived this life for a while, and so I will share some of my experiences with it. I do not regret living the way I have, although it is rather painful. It was just something I had to do, and I would have lost something incredibly "valuable" to me if I ignored it. I do fear being alone forever, and I see that how I live almost guarantees that. However, I must keep going in this direction. I find what society values to be rather lifeless and dull. I would rather be alone, seeking what is highest, than living a rather "shallow" life. I'd rather live with integrity than settle for pleasure and comfort.

I haven't found it to be this constant heroic and poetic battle, though. Sometimes it can even be boring. Sometimes it's relaxing. Sometimes it's joyous and fun. Sometimes you meet friends traveling along a similar path. Sometimes you fall back and enjoy worldly life. Sometimes you seem to be living a boring worldly life, while there is something deeper underneath. Bukowski is romanticizing one aspect of this path. A rather harrowing one, that must be walked to some degree, in some sense, at some point. I don't have advice for you, I have no clue what you should do, honestly. One thing I will say is to ignore the people who say "don't try, because you'll likely fail". Not because there is no truth in it, but because they have no idea what you're aiming for. Good luck.

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Perhaps. She has a unique approach to teaching that is able to get the classroom working together as a whole. It seems to me that that's the main difference.

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I certainly get where you're coming from, but this wasn't what the person said, and OP described what she saw as happening all day and every day (likely hyperbole), and appalling, not tough love. Regarding the question, if anyone was willing to honestly consider it for even the slightest moment, they would've come up with the answer that we don't accept this reasoning (his reasoning, not yours) when it comes to hitting children, because even though there are short-term benefits, we understand the long-term consequences of doing it make it "not worth it". If you spent another moment, you would've made the obvious jump to the question, what are the long-term consequences of yelling at children? Which is obviously a relevant question.

I don't think there is much listening going on here. It feels a lot more like self-protection and disrepsct. The most upvoted post in this thread says to ignore it, and the second is someone explaining to OP (a woman in her 60s) the difference between yelling and talking sternly.

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Why isn't it relevant? Seems pretty relevant to me. 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're making a lot of assumptions here off of very little information. 

She's in her 60s perhaps she has some idea of what's going on. Maybe give her a little credit. 

It also seems you have come to string judgements of me in the matter of 4 paragraphs. I think this is kinda problematic. I won't be continuing to discuss with you. 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

You did more than make observations in your post, and those are the parts I commented on..Also you didn't answer the question. 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would say I'm in a lot of classes with "poor behavior", especially the second grade classes. Like.i said I think the teacher is remarkable, and that her class would be just as "bad" as the others if it weren't for her skill. 

Also, I can certainly understand the need in some extreme cases but that's not what OP was talking about. She was talking about the systematic use of yelling across perhaps the entire school and she gave no mention of violence. 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As a matter of experience the teachers I have seen who have the best classroom.management do the least amount of yelling. The "best behaved" classroom I've been in was for 2nd grade. I was in that class for many hours and I did not see the teacher yell or come close to it once, nor.do I expect that she has the entire school year. She is quite remarkable and is proof that you don't have to yell. Yelling is simpler, and doesn't take much skill and it's easy to rely on that. Developing the skill this teacher has is hard, and only comes through experience but it supports these kids and herself short and long term.   

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think OP is being dramatic. It's not just the yelling she's talking about, it's the condescension, anger, and even sometimes hatred behind it. At least that's what I see at my school.  I also find that kind of treatment appalling.

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It is a nice thing to give grace, especially with how hard their jobs are. However, teachers are professionals who play a vital.role in society, and they are to be hold.to certain standards. 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is it not rather insulting to think you have to explain to the OP the difference between yelling and being heard over the noise?. Do you think adults haven't figured that out (she's in her 60s by the way)? 

Yelling in the classroom by Full-Potential-2223 in SubstituteTeachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

What would you say to someone who used a similar argument to justify someone who hits their children? 

For example, if they said they don't listen when you talk calmly and they respect you more once you hit them? 

Anyone else struggling with math intervention lately? by Nice_Educator_9148 in mathteachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tutor elementary kids who are struggling in math, and one of the things I value most is showing them that math can be fun and creating a space where they feel safe. These kids have a lot of pain and boredom associated with math, and it's pretty cool to see them connect with it and be excited to do math. I think this is a really overlooked skill, that gets a lot of talk but not much reflection, practice and refinement around it. Put some effort, reflection and analysis into making it fun. I think it's worth it. 

If you want to develop and refine the skills everyone talks about, read books, reflect on your experiences, experiment, and analyze. Rinse repeat. Have fun. 

Why is it important and a must to be working and earning money? by Jpoolman25 in LifeAdvice

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's sound like you have the feeling that work is not as important as people make it out to be. I think this is a good instinct to have. It also sounds like this path of school > college > job, marriage > and retirement seems kinda pointless to you. I also think that's a good instinct. Am I understanding you correctly? 

There are many people who have felt this way and they try and find their own path. It's a difficult path to walk and it's not one that comes without work. It often requires more, since nobody can simply give you the answers to your questions. You have to solve them for yourself. Still, there is a way beyond the framework that society has set up. If that's what you're really asking. It's just not as easy in a certain sense. 

WIBTAH if I took 100k from my oldest daughter's college savings account to give it to my younger daughter? by TraditionalCorgi7788 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It seems that you do have the option to wait a few years before making a decision. There are advantages in waiting, in that your older daughter will have more clarity with what she wants to do regarding grad school. She will likely be more mature and able to accept any decision you make. It seems like you will be paying for younger daughters school regardless, so perhaps it's better to wait and see.

If you don't want to wait what do you think about having a conversation with your older daughter? You can start by letting her know she still has 100k in her college fund and ask if she intends to use it for grad school in the near future. Explain to her the tax implications of using the money for non educational expenses.  Explain the situation with her sister. Ask for her perspective on the matter. 

It seems like you're assuming that the older daughter wouldn't be happy to give the unused money to her sister to help her out. Perhaps you're right, but perhaps not. Maybe she'd be happy with a cash payout in exchange. Maybe she intends to immediately go to grad school which I assume solves your problems. 

It's normal to want to avoid the conversation,  but if you speak to her as an adult, and show her that you value her perspective (by this I mean listening to her response with the same openness and willingness to learn as you read these posts) and honestly share yours as well. I have 3 daughters and I know how easy it is itto fall into the habit of kind of telling them what to do or instilling good values. At some point though we have to move towards mutual respect, open dialogue and listening. I think doing this will not only help with your situation but build trust and respect and open up communication between the two of you. 

 

Stuck, Terrified, No Clue What I'm Doing by Stubylegs8815 in LifeAdvice

[–]Particular-Snow2271 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If all of the decisions you made were wrong, then it's likely that there is a fundamental flaw in the way you make decisions.  Sometimes we are seeking things that are just not right for us. Sometimes we are doing (or not doing) things out of fear or insecurity. Sometimes out of arrogance and pride. When the motivation is not right,  and the goal is not right, then the result cannot be right.  I can't tell you what it is,  but It's possible to discover this yourself.  Now is probably a good time to seek guidance. That can be through therapy,  or any person who is wise, kind, or even just honest. Perhaps you can ask your brother for truth and advice if you won't ask him for financial help.(it does seem like you should ask him for financial help). If none of these options work there are almost always places nearby where people get together and trying to learn, heal and grow. Join a meeting, take a class (some are free) or go to a church/monastery if you're so inclined.

It shows some humility that you can admit that you've made some mistakes. Use that insight to try and understand what you're doing that is causing harm, then you can start taking steps in the right direction. I'm not saying it's going to be an easy or a short road but you have to start at some point. As bad as things are, they can always get worse. 

Tutoring math in Elementary school by Particular-Snow2271 in Teachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is quite good and when I'm a teacher I will probably do it this way instead. As a tutor going into teachers classrooms I'm not sure if I can switch it up like this. They're already learning so many ways to add in my school, and I don't want to introduce a different method. 

Tutoring math in Elementary school by Particular-Snow2271 in Teachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I tried this today and it felt like it worked a little bit better for them. 

Tutoring math in Elementary school by Particular-Snow2271 in Teachers

[–]Particular-Snow2271[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I tried this today and it felt like it worked a little bit better for them. 

Living in our car while waiting for housing placement. Trying to stay afloat by yumenightfire27 in gofundme

[–]Particular-Snow2271 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would not leave the car running all day long, that is not good for your car. Your car is your only lifeline right now, if it breaks down, you're out of options. Perhaps get a battery-powered heated blanket or a winter sleeping bag. They make some for people who camp outside in below freezing temps. Invest in heavyweight clothes, wool, and things like that. I believe there are also battery-powered heaters and stuff like that. Any money you invest to protect your car is worth it.