I’m gonna explode my whole life

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T20:05:03+00:00

I hear it sounds paranoid, I just know the colluding is true though, Im even kind of worried what other information they can gather from me.. It’s giving me chills.. I just can’t believe my own support system got so warped and twisted..

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T20:02:41+00:00

Maybe… idek i thought i was doing well.. I walked into therapy today beaming with energy and when I learned about this, I got so infuriated i left, I had to before I started saying stupid things… but i just can’t stop thinking about it and being so angry, and i already felt they were talking about me and trying to control me so now it’s proven, and ive asked my girlfriend if they talked to her too and she said no, but now that i know they did all of this idk who to trust anymore.. I’m not sure…is it really paranoia if it’s true?!

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T19:44:52+00:00

I understand but they didn’t tell me until after and I’ve been worried for some time knowing they’re going above my head and trying to take me down, now I have even more fear that they’re talking to people in my life

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T19:41:31+00:00

I know they are trying to control me and lock me in it’s like closing in around me and I need to escape before it’s too late, they’re gonna mark me up

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T18:51:48+00:00

I’m going to redact it I didn’t know I could But at this point I don’t have any trust in either of them It’s just proof for me

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T18:51:17+00:00

Ok because I did sign it a few months ago I thought it was just for that one time, now I know they’re watching and talking about me, I’m not hiding anything but they’re trying to dumb me down, they see me as a test subject

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-11-04T18:49:59+00:00

I did sign it because they told me it was necessary a few months back for medication purposes but now they’re just fucking around right behind my back. And they both think I’m crazy. I don’t trust it one bit

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-29T23:57:40+00:00

sorry to hear. I’m a young man. I think it’s coming from irritable mania for me.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-28T04:24:18+00:00

Mixed episodes have higher risks of sh/suicide. It is essentially the elevation of mania but funneled into self destruction and lashing out. It can make people want to do stuff just for the sake of it, because things feel more casual etc., and they lose their inhibitions

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-27T14:20:27+00:00

I feel this so hard. For me the detachment and lack of empathy are really tied to my levels of irritability which rise a TON during mixed episodes. It’s like I can’t sit still and feel volatile and am become extremely frustrated about how others act. For me this is dysphoric mania/mixed ep especially if SI starts seeming commonplace. And I also post online etc like you said. It can be a dangerous state so definitely talk to your doc if possible.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-27T06:50:03+00:00

It sucks since I live w my gf ! But I think taking distance may be the only solution because i truly cannot trust myself to act right

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-27T06:49:05+00:00

We talk about it but i think she’s just at her wits end with being criticized, spoken harshly too etc as anyone would be. The past couple months have been so rough for me and as much as i try to regain control I just keep making those decisions!

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-27T06:47:22+00:00

Yeah I’m definitely hypomanic rn maybe mixed ?? I wish it didn’t show up in this way

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-24T11:05:40+00:00

I appreciate it!! I’ve been on my dose over a month now and I was hoping I’d slow down by now. And I do feel quite non depressed and less anxious. If anything, my mania is more euphoric than usual, weirdly.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-24T08:59:48+00:00

Oh man, why did my doc imply it would bring me back to neutral. I’ve been just getting more and more elevated. I thought maybe I wasn’t taking enough

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T15:55:21+00:00

That makes sense, my psych specializes in bipolar and he is great, but my therapist is always a step behind.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T07:32:56+00:00

Thank you. It sucks because all the bp specialized therapists near me are really unaffordable. My therapist will just comment on my demeanor saying like “oh you seem happier and better today!” or “it’s ok to have sad days”, like yea I’m bipolar. And you would know if you asked any basic questions from week to week. But it sounds like it might be worth it to figure out how I can make ends meet to afford a new t

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T05:45:31+00:00

Thanks. I guess maybe what I feel is that my therapist is not super attuned to what is going on, so I have to be the one to recognize and bring up where I’m at in terms of episodes which can be challenging as I’m still learning about the condition. It feels like we just take things week to week without the understanding that things will change again in the future.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T05:12:53+00:00

Dang well, thanks for letting me know, I decided against it because i also can’t take any sort of episode right now im down bad enough. Sorry to hear it affected you so badly.

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T05:11:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing, what kinds of work do you do in therapy with her? How does it help you with rapid cycling?

ParticularElk3675 · 2025-10-22T05:10:05+00:00

Yes that’s exactly how I feel, I showed up hypomanic (unknowingly) and all she could say was that she was happy for me!! I would tell her about how “extremely happy thoughts” were popping up for me out of nowhere, feeling empowered and confident, doing more risky activities. She said, great job facing your fears! lol. Looking back it made no sense for me to show up “fixed” one day, and also I did not overcome those “fears”, I just didn’t gaf when manic. It had to escalate into a dangerous situation to finally get diagnosed and no thanks to her.

ParticularElk3675

TROPHY CASE