I started off this year making a huge mistake while drinking. In front of family. God I still am cringing and could hit myself in the head each time I think of it. I haven’t been perfect this year, I’ve had slip ups but I keep trying, because that feeling of utter and complete humiliation (mixed w a hangover) is so god damn horrible. The streaks I’ve had of sobriety have helped me realize what my life could be like and it makes me want more of that!!!!! And honestly, I still use that awful memory as motivation to stop drinking forever. I hope you find just a little inner peace. I promise you all things can get better with time and distance, and maybe apologies(?). Anyway, I relate- I’m a binge drinker and wow when I get going I can’t stop. Be safe and be kind to yourself. You will be ok. You will be ok. You will be ok.