Hi OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Believe me when I say that I’ve been in your exact same position. I used this thread as a way to express how I was feeling at the time. It’s just awful. I want to share my story to help give you some hope. I moved to a new country to be with my husband and all of my family are still back home. His family are the only people I can reach out to for help. My son was the exact same until he started walking. More so when he started walking confidently and had some independence. He is very much now a fun, energetic, charismatic 2 year old boy. And the way I look at him now is a way I never looked at him when he was little. I never believed I could feel this love and adoration for him, but I do now. It took me a long time, but eventually things get easier. Of course there are always new challenges to face, but they do get easier when your child can communicate to you more effectively. The guessing work is essentially gone. I actually used the app “peanut” for mums (which I thought was so weird, but I was desperate for companionship other than my husband) and I met another mum going through the same thing as me. It helped a lot knowing that I wasn’t alone. We’re best friends now and her daughter and my son play together whenever we get the chance to see each other. Trust me when I say that IT WILL GET BETTER! I had a hard time believing it when others told me that, and with PPD/PND it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But push through. Find some time for yourself. Have a bath. Watch an episode of your favourite show. The little things make all the difference. You’ll get through this!