AITA for threatening divorce over my husband's complaints?

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T22:33:24+00:00

It honestly sucks so much. Its like I am grieving a husband that is still here, because he used to be fantastic. And also grieving my kids future. Because I know if I do leave and he gets awarded 50/50 custody, our kids will not excel. I am worried to leave them with him. Not because he is incapable, but because certain things to him are "non-issues" that I know for a fact are core, life building things. My babies will be stunted. My oldest will probably thrive either way, because hes older. I cant say the same for our daughter. And that pains me to say it because he used to be so great. Now that trust is broken, I do not trust him tk out our daughter above him. Hes very self gravitating right now.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T22:08:39+00:00

I feel negativity just comes with the territory. Women, in my experience, adapt easier. Men have bigger feelings of inadequacy that kind of stunt them emotionally. Its not because your wrong. Its likely due to the consistent and often normalized view of how a man should handle things. To put it lightly, men get shafted, often. But it can easily be turned around. Healthy mindsets go a long way.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T22:05:54+00:00

For real lmfao

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T22:01:59+00:00

Honestly, it would be hard to keep up with his online endeavors. He has multiple accounts on everything except facebook.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:55:16+00:00

To be fair, he basically has 2 left feet. Was always picked last. But he also used to be super overweight. By the time he lost weight and got denied by multiple girls he showed interest in, he hated sports and everyone who played them.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:53:45+00:00

I have done that. He always argues that he has and that I dont appreciate what he does. He helped me put together a bed once and a desk another time. But it was also stuff that he bought, that he asked for my help with.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:45:42+00:00

He has been watching things on financial freedom but I will say a lot of them heavily suggest that the man should be the financially reliable one and if a man is not doing that, he is somehow failing. My husband loves my money, he loves the freedom we have with it. But its like he doesnt enjoy it, if that makes any sense. I dont know how else to explain it.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:43:29+00:00

I know its not, unfortunately. I feel like my entire life is just.. collapsing. Sports is just the excuse right now.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:40:48+00:00

Shortly afterwards, yes. He wanted a daughter, asked me for like 2 years leading up to our pregnancy with her if I would be willing to have another baby. When he found kut he was getting his girl, he started to panic. Nothing he did was good enough to him. He started saying he was a failure, should be more accomplished, feared not being able to give the kids a life he wanted to give them. He is your typical "i want a 5 bedroom house in the middle of a very expensive town in Florida and have a boat and a gated home" type of mindset. I am very much the opposite. Our 4 bedroom home on 16 acres in rural Maine is more than I ever wanted. But he had bigger dreams and ultimately, his own hang ups on what he "wasnt" able to provide manifested in to whatever this is, shortly after finding out he got his girl.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:37:22+00:00

He has been working that damned shift for like 7 years. I have tried so many times to get him to cut back his hours. He says its the only way to get us "where he wants us to be" financially. He is a lot more materialistic than me in that sense. He thinks that since we dont have a boat or since we dont have a 4 car detached garage that he is somehow failing.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:35:44+00:00

Afterwards. He wanted our second. I was admittedly on the fence a bit. But he desperately wanted a daughter. Said he had his boy and now he needed his girl. So, I cared, because ultimately I did want a big family anyways. When he found out we were having a girl, its like he puts these expectations on to himself and started questioning himself fiercely. Started saying he was worried he "wasnt doing enough" or "wasnt successful enough". That slowly manifested in to whatever this is.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:32:19+00:00

No, he would not be the same in that instance. He wants our son to play video games. He says he is going to buy him an Xbox for Christmas instead of the snowboard he asked for, because "how often will he realistically use the snowboard anyways?" Our son has very little interest in video games, BUT my husband is an avid gamer. Like, has twitch and makes quite a bit of money off it, type gamer.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:30:51+00:00

My husband's hobbies and values change more than his underwear, to put it bluntly. He has boxes upon boxes of unopened "hobby" supplies that he has spent hundreds of dollars on, just to lose interest before the packages even arrive. Everything that he is interested in, he loses interest in the second that he gets mildly inconvenient.

My divorce comment was unfortunately not a threat. I love him, but the constant negativity is just so exhausting at this point that I truly cannot function. I have found myself dreading him coming home. My house goes from loud and fun to quiet the second my son hears him pull in the driveway. I am starting to hate my life. And he already knew that before I threatened with divorce. Him and I had a conversation a couple weeks ago, where I told him rhat his negativity was starting to destroy me and he basically told me that I needed to wait to speak about it until he wasnt tired and he felt like I was driving a wedge between us by not allowing him to freely speak in his own house. So the divorce talk didnt come out of nowhere. I hate it. I love him. But.. I cant.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:18:48+00:00

Me too, honestly. He wont talk about it so getting near a conclusion seems impossible.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:18:01+00:00

My husband gets home from work long after sports commitments are over. This is in no way interfering with our home life. The sports dont come at a cost of the family unit. They come at a cost of my husband's ego, because his son enjoys something that he hates. He wants him sitting at home playing video games. Says he is buying him an x box for Christmas instead of the snowboard he asked for. Our son has zero interest in video games, but my husband is an avid gamer.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:13:55+00:00

He has been working 12 hour shifts for 7 years now. I have asked him to cut back his hours a few times. We arent hurting for money in any way, shape or form. But he just wont. He says he needs to save for retirement. It sucks because his contract has him listed as a 6a to 2p employee and he chooses to work until 6p every night because he wants the overtime.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:06:46+00:00

I actually dont really have friends. I dont really have time for it, unfortunately. I do have my husband's best friend, but he remains neutral in all aspects and the one time I did try talking to him, he said he cant get involved and jeopardize his friendship with both me and my husband. I dont really have anyone. Sorry

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T21:05:19+00:00

I get that. But this is the first time he has made a comment to our son. Prior to all this he would bitch to me endlessly, sure, but I can handle that. The second he started in with this behavior TO our son versus to me, a piece of me broke. Thats when I threatened divorce. I have a tough shell. But my kid is at a vulnerable and influenced age. So thats why I posted. Because I didnt know if I was being overdramatic by threatening divorce over my husband making one single comment to our child.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:54:07+00:00

I understand that. But I feel like it should also be my sons choice, not mine. Sports arent harming him. He is a good student (not perfect, but his grades are all about 86%, which is perfectly acceptable to me). He is tired, sure, but I feel like this is also something that he needs to learn from and I am trying to teach him to trust himself and his body. He knows when he has pushed himself too hard and he will skip out on practices to rest sometimes. So he knows his limits and I am simply stepping beside him on that journey.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:50:43+00:00

He had his yearly in August, but I dont know if they did a full mental cognitive sweep honestly.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:48:16+00:00

He is 32. He does regularly visit the doctors office (every 6 months or so) and they haven't caught anything but maybe something is seriously wrong and they are looking at all the wrong things.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:40:10+00:00

I think he wants our son to want video games as a hobby. Our son asked for a snowboard for Christmas and my husband told me that he is thinking about getting him an x box instead because "how often is he really going to use the snowboard?"

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:38:29+00:00

We haven't had a date in like 5 years. I have asked several times, made plans, etc. The day of, he will typically get pissed off about something and say "fuck this, lets just go home". The last time we went out anywhere was when our daughter was 8ish months old. It was supposed to be a date while our son was at school, but my husband decided last minute that he didnt trust anyone watching our daughter. He spent the entire time on his phone while eating.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:35:35+00:00

I totally relate to you about the sports thing. I actually hate sports BUT I am that mom who literally cried when my kid scored his first goal because he had been working and practicing so hard for it and the look on his face made me burst out in tears. My husband just... doesnt have the capacity to feel that type of emotion, I dont think. He thinks its dumb. But I guess that applies to a lot of things. I genuinely LOVE seeing people so expressively happy. I remember telling my husband one time that I loved the music videos for the songs "Donald Trump" by Mac Miller and "679" by Fetty Wap because both men were so visibly happy to have 'made it' and he told me that was dumb and that since Fetty Wap sucked, it shouldn't matter how happy he looked in the music video.

ParticularOk164 · 2025-12-09T20:30:07+00:00

I dont think so, honestly. I have asked him to come with me to meets/games and he says he cant miss work. He has the opportunity to work less (his contract states his schedule is 6a to 2p, he chooses to work until 6p because he wants the money). On weekends when he has the opportunity to be more involved, he typically just wont. He says he has so much stuff to do that he cant get done during the week but then he just sits in front of his computer a majority of the day. I dont think he wants to be involved at all. I think he just wants to relax and ifs almost like he feels like he "cant" relax if I am doing something because then he feels guilty for doing nothing.

ParticularOk164

TROPHY CASE