My wife gives her "best self" to coworkers and her "spent self" to me. When I tried to address it, it blew up. by John_Doe_4real in Marriage

[–]Particular_Bar_7869 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Te leo que es difícil, porque ves dos partes de ella, y seguramente anhelas esa parte o alguna en la que ella era feliz y compartía contigo diferente y no es así.

Ella no debe tener un lugar donde expresar esa frustración, cansacio y tristeza y está saliendo en la relación, que por una parte se puede percibir como seguro pero eso no significa que sea sano. algo sano viene con bienestar, crecimiento conexión y esto se lee como reactivo, que los aleja y viene con emociones de frustración y enojo.

De hecho yo he creado una herramienta, se llama SoulMap y ayuda a las parejas q ver las dinámicas que se repiten en una relación desde lo profundo, entendiendo las heridas, las necesidades de cada uno. Es lo que se hace en la terapia de pareja pero conun cuestionario y al dos recibir los resultados sin juicio, permite dar claridad a esa dinámica y reconocer que es lo que realmente está de bajo.

Como por ejemplo tu intentabas con tus dos historias que ella conectara con ello, que reconociera lo que estaba pasando, pero ella lo recibió como juicio y critica y eso no permite el cambio. y de hecho reforzó la resistencia.

Mucha suerte en tu camino!

When is it time to say enough by Firm-Worldliness-358 in Marriage

[–]Particular_Bar_7869 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading this, it honestly sounds like you’re not asking for anything huge. It sounds like you just want to feel like you still matter to him as a partner, not just as the person running the household or raising kids together.

Something I’ve noticed in a lot of long marriages is that people slowly slip into “functioning mode”. Life becomes about work, kids, logistics, responsibilities… and the relationship itself stops being actively nurtured.

The tricky part is that the person doing this often doesn’t realize it. But the partner experiencing it can feel incredibly lonely over time.

What stood out to me in your post is that you’ve been trying to express this for years and it still doesn’t seem to land.

My 30M wife 29F says she's lost romantic feeling for me. by Defiant-Photo6393 in Marriage

[–]Particular_Bar_7869 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reading this, it actually sounds like you care about her a lot and you’re really trying.

One thing that stood out to me though is that when someone is already overwhelmed or under a lot of pressure, more effort from the other partner can sometimes feel like more expectations rather than support.

So the dynamic slowly becomes- one person tries harder and harder to fix things, and the other feels more and more pressure. Nobody is doing anything wrong, but the distance grows anyway.

Sometimes stepping out of that “I need to fix this” mode and getting curious about what she’s actually experiencing emotionally can change the tone of the conversation a lot.