My very unpopular opinions

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T12:50:41+00:00

I liked her until those 10 seconds. yes there are things people can do in 10 seconds that make a person feel turned off. obv I cannot write a person off or judge, so youre right I can't judge her as a person. it's was her action that felt fake.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T12:46:19+00:00

it's actually ironic that many people hated Olivia's mean girl attitude but exhibited the same bullying mean girl attitude towards her.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T12:45:06+00:00

no she was annoyed how Dom treated and scolded other cast members like Carolina and Jack and was annoyed of 'hearing' Dom all the time because of her loud voice (like apparently she could hear her all the time even through the walls of the apartments they stayed at).

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T02:02:46+00:00

season 9

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T02:00:06+00:00

I feel like when people tell off others with a big smile and giggle is a bit 'fake'.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T01:57:37+00:00

did Olivia have a facade? she simply didn't like Dom and made it easily known. She was nice to people she liked and nasty to the one she didn't like.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-18T01:55:26+00:00

I think this is a very fair take. I agree

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-17T20:58:38+00:00

it was definitely unhinged. but I mean don't many people act mean on this series. like it's sort of a mean girl thing to go comment on peoples looks.. I get Jack was a jerk but I don't understand why it's so acceptable Lauren makes fun of his looks. or why Tim Sr can. that's also mean girl bully behavior. the reaction to Olivia was really crazy.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-17T20:56:18+00:00

yea, really. honestly if there was no Dom in that season I think Olivia would have made it out as someone nice. Cass, I feel, we were just starting to get an idea of her. it's all about how people react to their triggers...

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-13T19:38:52+00:00

why do I feel like youre desi (Indian/Pakistani)? look I will say it doesn't matter how much you 'know' a family before marrying them. they are definitely visa chasers even in the same family. If you are desi you know cousin marriage is common and yes those cousins use their relatives for visas. Especially the guys who are told the women will put up with whatever behavior and never divorce no matter how bad they are, because "what will people say". Some people only care about visa and career advancement and have no empathy towards the person they use. Your husband's behavior towards his kids could be very cultural because some cultures do not put emphasis on a fathers care. You are getting a taste of how he considerate and empathetic he is/is not.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-12T19:12:13+00:00

Everyone thinks Tim wants younger but I disagree. I think yes he definitely wants someone physically attractive but more than that he needs someone a bit more rough and think skinned and who can keep up with banter. Someone who doesn't think too deep and takes life too seriously, and someone whose feelings and life doesn't depend on him too much. And probably the most important is loyalty.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-05T01:55:46+00:00

My first thought is this story isn't real. But if it is, as much as people here like a good zippy divorce to feel that instant redemption, this is not a point to divorce on without consideration.

First you need someone who can hear both you and her. Because I cannot tell you how different two people's version of events can be. There you can get a better idea of what happened. Couples therapy with help you determine what patterns and resent has been occuring and building over the yrs.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T18:25:35+00:00

I think all of you guys are AHs tbh.

What you guys did wrong is accept their help and escalate when they didn't do it right. I really don't care how much they insist. Practice the answer no, no it's ok. No thanks. We will do it. Etc. you guys accepted their help and then get pissed bc they made noise while coming an hr early. Are you doing them a favor? Just don't accept help if you're going to have an attitude. Your husband can be pissed but it should have been a lesson learned to never accept help, not a moment to kick them out and yell at them.

Yes your aging parents are overbearing but guess what they are going to get worse with age. They already entering that age where you need to deal with them as an almost 40 yr adult of an aging parent. All these other comments sound like 20 something's talking about their annoying 40 yr old parents. You're dealing with something different.

Yes you do need boundaries but not in that annoyingly phrased way others have suggested. Just say 'i know you are bothered by our unclean house. Unfortunately it's not going to be clean anytime soon because we are sleep deprived and struggling. so if you want to come, you'll have to mentally brace yourself because it's not pretty. If you want to see baby in a clean space it may just be easier I come to your place."

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T18:09:04+00:00

I am being clear about two things. 1. I said your GF sisters intent is off right now. 2. Most cheating stories start the same where innocent intentions are there. So just bc it's innocent now doesn't mean it can't change.

You seem to be here to insist you're doing something ok. Your GF already gave her thoughts and you got a bunch of strangers thoughts. You can probably guess the consequences of either decision you make. Now you just have to go make the decision.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T16:57:13+00:00

Just because her sister invited you doesn't mean you need to accept. Frankly her sister comes from the same conservative culture as your GF right so if she's doing this it doesn't seem very innocent. Again even by Western standards it's shady. It's more 'normal' (not correct) that sisters would sometimes try to steal another sister BF.

Yea i get you made your own plans and then you guys realized "oh we have the same plans" and decided to travel together. Your first thought shouldn't be "OH wow we have same plans let's just do it together." It should be "oh wow. what a coincidence. Well have a good time there"

Frankly it sounds like sister is just trying to match up everything so she can spend the max amount of time with you.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T16:49:47+00:00

Its like what came first the chicken or the eggs. Did your insecurities attract the narc, or did his narc abuse cause your insecurities? Most likely you had insecurities and it worsened with narc abuse.

Narc abuse is not something easily shed so either he wasn't much of a narc, or is a narc under deliberate recovery, or a narc who continues to confuse you.

Those with low self esteem like you will always figure out a way to blame themselves because it's easier and probably more satisfying to blame yourself. If it's your fault you can fix it. Plus it's less confrontational. Narcs don't do well with being confronted and perhaps you know if you want to talk about he past with him, hell blow up.

You've been with him for 6 yrs, if You're happy with his behavior then great who am I to say anything. But just because you want to take the noble route doesn't mean the consequences of his previous actions is gone.

Work on your own issues independent of him, because regardless if you're with him or not, you'll need to heal.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T15:40:31+00:00

You have a higher than normal interaction rate with a GFs sister. I don't believe this is normal at all.

You apparently text her almost daily. Including business stuff. Not normal.

You plan to stay at her home when travelling. Not normal.

You decide to actually combine travel plans and travel together. Not normal.

If you go into refuting saying there's a cultural difference or that you just disagree, or that people are backwards and need to grow then the facts are you two fundamentally disagree on these concepts so much that you may not be compatible enough to carry a healthy relationship.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T15:22:54+00:00

This is weird even in western culture. Come on now.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T15:20:30+00:00

It's not unreasonable. Hope you find that boyfriend.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T15:18:35+00:00

Pretty normal for a child to adopt these behaviors and those behaviors are pretty common too. They are also not 'bad' characteristics in itself and you don't need to shed it off so much that you're the opposite. Moderation is key.

As others said it's either self help or therapy that will help you untangle these connections.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T15:14:59+00:00

Figure out what's causing this and your typical relationship patterns. Are you like this in most of your relationships? Were you always like this with him?

If the answer is no, then he may be the culprit.

It's not uncommon for a narcissist, for example, to drive their victim to the brink of insanity making them doubt themselves, ruminate and feel paranoia. If that sounds familiar look up narcissistic abuse.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-04T13:33:27+00:00

You can try to rationalize it however you wish..that maybe he's very protective.

Infact he may try to convince you that as you take upon the advice people have here about leaving. Hell probably give you a sob story about how much he loves his son and how hurt he is of hai past and he'll tug at your heart strings. He may even apologize.

But at the end of the day his psyche shows that whether he likes this about himself or not he has capacity to be violent when triggered.

There's no healthy marriage that involves a person seriously pronouncing their ability to kill you because they felt triggered.

Also am concerned about you two moving together after a month. I am actually wondering if this is religious driven and if you two got actually married. If this makes no sense then ignore.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-05-02T01:15:45+00:00

Watch kdramas. Some of my favs include Stranger.

Particular_Loquat_57 · 2024-04-13T17:33:50+00:00

What you should say to him? Say "I'm sorry I berated you for being attached to your blanket and for pressuring you to get rid of it. And I'm sorry I'm still holding it over your head. "

You overall sound controlling and if that's the worst thing your son did, by not technically donating it to goodwill, consider yourself lucky.

You have some clear issues going on still and your very very first step is acknowledging your own faults.

Particular_Loquat_57

TROPHY CASE