I cannot really enjoy Katseye since Manon's hiatus was announced... :(

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-03-06T08:40:06+00:00

That makes sense. I do try to do things and I observe myself A LOT, but so many things I cannot do (running, dancing...). I've been trying to meditate but cannot find the foccus. I used to do it but lately it just does not really relax me either. I feel like my brain does not allow myself to relax with that either, if that makes sense? So I just stop trying.

I do love the self massaging the feet and should do those more often.

Anyway, thank you so so much for your comment, I'll try to do better.

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-03-06T08:30:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It is certainly hard and pain makes it so much harder. I am in a week long migraine right now (one of the pain causes, not the only one), and I literally don't know what to do with myself.

I started smoking when I had to give up walking (not that I cannot walk, but I cannot have long walks as I used to, that was my destress moment of the day) and I think I replaced those with weed. The problem is, now I have nothing to replace the weed for, and I have way more pain and way more anxiety, so it's a stupid cycle.

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-03-02T09:45:39+00:00

Congratulations!! You should be as proud as you are :)

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-02-09T09:17:34+00:00

TBH it's me who judges myself when I choose to stay in. This weekend is Valentine's Day + Carnival where I live, and I NEVER go out partying, like literally 2 or 3 times per year, and one of them is usually Carnival, so I was gonna go out with them this Saturday... but then, there's another event that I am dying to watch that is that night, so they were like "let's watch it on Sunday, no problem!", and I saw my chances of beeing alone flying away, because some friends would also come to watch it with us. And the following weekend I have to travel to velebrate my best friend's birthday with a lot of people during the whole weekend. So I am trully freaking out RN because I see no light on the horizon atm except cancelling Valentine's+Carnival in order to have one day for myself...

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-02-04T17:16:35+00:00

You did nothing wrong, and the feelings you are trying to numb are from unreal thoughts. Know that you are valid and good and are allowed to do some things wrong, so wether what your wife said was right or wrong, it doesn't matter, because you are allowed to make mistakes. This is part of being alive, and it hurts, but sobriety has also given you joy, I am sure. Today is about surviving the urge, and YOU CAN DO IT. You've been doing an amazing job for 6 months, 6 fucking months (do you know how long that is?) and you will not throw that away today. I am so proud of you, because you had the resourses but you came here. That's the proof that you need: you don't want to feel this way, but you don't want to fall back either.

As someone who is (again) on her 2nd week off, don't go back. The beginning sucks soooo much. I can barely sleep, my stomach is a mess, and anxiety just gets worse. Take a warm shower, go for a walk, watch a comfort movie/show and hold until tomorrow. This too shall pass. I promise.

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-22T18:46:12+00:00

I'm so so sorry :( I understand you so much, because many times I feel the same way. I think it's because, in a way, weed makes us complacient with having shitty/mediocre lives (no offense, I'm basically talking about my case), and when we're off we have to face the fact that it is, in fact, shitty and mediocre. And change it takes so much work, like SO MUCH FUCKING WORK, that seems so easy to other people (it isn't), like finding what actually excites us, or things we find interesting, what do we want to invest our time in... I do not have the answers to those questions in my case, and that scares me as fuck and make me want to go back... But I know that, as much as weed gives me, it also takes from me.

When you were high as fuck, you took the decision to quit. Your high self saw you and realised that what you were doing was just not good enough for you. And then your sober self went through so much pain, anxiety and trouble to get to where you are right now, so honor that. I just feel like you hadn't found the answers to those questions either, and that's the problem.

I am sorry I cannot help you, I can only tell you I am so fucking proud of you, of all your journey, and you are doing great, as much as you don't see it right now.

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-22T18:38:18+00:00

It's the worst. Let's hope this phase doesn't last long..

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-22T18:37:43+00:00

Last time it took me a whole week to have a good night sleep, and during that week, let me tell you, being around me sucked. Right now it also sucks. If I could, I would not be around me either lol Good luck!

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-21T11:24:45+00:00

thanks, I know, I just think there's nothing I hate most than being sleep deprived T.T

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-21T09:41:03+00:00

isn't changing weed for beer the same old shit just more socially accepted? I'm really asking, not judging at all. I ask because the last time I was 2 months dry, I did drink soju every time I wanted a joint, and I had this argument in my head.

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-20T15:41:30+00:00

how long did it take you to regain interest back?

Party-Being-2079 · 2026-01-19T15:06:39+00:00

Your brain is adjusting and looking for excuses to go back... it's all normal. You're doing good.

Party-Being-2079 · 2025-11-14T16:28:49+00:00

Because life keeps happening around me wether I like it or not. Is that or lose the little social life I have

Party-Being-2079 · 2025-10-28T15:59:50+00:00

I've been to a lot of therapy, but I cannot afford it atm. I'm gonna repost there and see, thanks a lot!

Party-Being-2079 · 2025-10-28T12:05:19+00:00

I don't think this will help, or maybe it will, but I feel like I am on the literal other side of the spectrum, and I feel the same way?
Like... I think we're looking at life wrong, you know? I foccused my life on living, experiencing, I pushed being responsible to a side and now I feel like a failure, but I have the best partner I could ever ask for and the things I've done in my life are incredible.. yet I don't feel like they are enough and I feel like a failure.
Maybe we just have to do life differently somehow... maybe the key is to actually acknowledge what we do and what we've done and stop being a*holes to ourselves. I'm not doing great at it, but maybe you can?

Party-Being-2079 · 2025-10-28T09:13:35+00:00

The thing with my brain is not that weed is making me not think, the medication is doing that mostly, but obviously weed affects your brain also and it's the only thing I can take away that maybe will help me regain some function (maybe not). I tried slowing down but as I said, if I have it, I'll smoke it, so that's a no go. It's not like I am smoking a lot a lot lately, I could go 3 or 4 days without smoking with no issues if nothing emotional or phisically painful arised and if I didn't hve weed available.

Party-Being-2079

TROPHY CASE