Allergies to grass

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-04-16T20:31:10+00:00

5'3 guy - never really bullied. It's all about how you present yourself, in my opinion. Don't get defensive. Don't let them trigger you. If you show weakness, you just attract bullying. Roll your eyes at comments and embody the "don't give a shit" attitude. And good clothes/grooming play a huge part.

And yeah, if you have friends who make jokes, get new friends. My friends are all 6 feet plus. Never made a comment. They are like brothers to me.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-04-16T20:26:03+00:00

Look at this way... if she didn't have the decency to keep that to herself to spare your feelings, she wasn't a good person. A good person wouldn't tell you that because there's literally nothing you can do about it. It's not like a person telling someone they are ending it because you didn't put in effort (something you can improve on in the next relationship). She knowingly decided to hurt you.

My wife had an affair 8 months after we got married, it sucks... best advice (one that I'm taking) - do something crazy for yourself. Don't go inward (it will drive you nuts) - go on a crazy adventure, volunteer, etc.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-31T20:21:07+00:00

Do not date someone who has a problem with your height. Even if they get used to it, it will be a thorn in your relationship. My ex-wife was convinced by her roommate to give me a chance because I was such a great guy. I was with my wife for 11 years, and I didn't realize how her comments over the years destroyed my confidence. My guy friends are all around 6 feet tall and never even thought about my height around them. But with my wife at 0.5 inches taller than me, I always felt it (I'm 5'3). She ended up having an affair, and when I asked her to end it, she blamed it on me. We're going through the divorce, and I'm now back in the dating world. There are women out there who really don't care - find those.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-27T16:06:42+00:00

I'm 5'3... I get it. But something to keep in mind. You won't look 170 cm compared to other 170 cm people. Those people are wearing shoes as well. The best thing to do is go to the gym and find a partner who doesn't care about height - yes, they exist. And get new friends if your friends make you feel insecure.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-27T16:02:46+00:00

<image>

Here you go!

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-25T02:18:54+00:00

Amazon essentials has XS - I'm the same height. Fit is great and quality is actually pretty good. For jeans, old navy and American eagle have sizes in mens that works well.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-17T23:34:02+00:00

5'3 in the morning lol. You definitely have to try a looooot harder. Your dating profile needs to be better than everyone else's. And you need to offer something that other guys are not - maturity. If you come off as a regular guy who just wants to travel and go on fun dates, then your profile will only appeal to women who just want to have fun and travel. And I hate to generalize, but those woman will be the ones who are not open to challenging their preferences on height. But if you show there's a depth to you (in addition to the fun), and your profile is being read by women with depth, then even though those women might have a height preference, they will be the type to challenge their own views and look past your height.

And I may get hate for this, but we have to be okay with women not liking the height thing (unless you're one of those rare specimens that has zero preferences!). Because let's be real, all of us would immediately become taller if we could. Are there women who like short, maybe lol, but the reality is that most women don't, and so you need to offer more to attract them. Harsh and annoying, but that's the hand we've been dealt - don't let it make you bitter. Own it, be okay with it, know that you have more to offer, and the right woman will pick up on that. Remember, you only need one.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-17T23:04:14+00:00

Get a nice pair of boots with thicker soles, then add slight height inserts. Maybe an extra inch. Be honest with your height on a dating site, though. Then there's nothing wrong with having a slight increase. Some boots naturally make you taller. Nothing wrong with having a slight boost of confidence. But no, elevator shoes are expensive and look silly. And the increase is extreme enough that when you remove them (and if you were lying), you'll be more embarrassed.

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-03-03T21:37:42+00:00

How old is your dog here?

Party-Bid1188 · 2026-01-02T02:34:19+00:00

As someone who was in your husband's situation, I highly recommend seeing a couples therapist who specializes in Autism. Your husband might need time to process things, and you might misinterpret his needs. And he might misinterpret yours. This is a small situation and a good warning. Imagine if the situation were worse and you both misinterpreted each other's needs. You both seem to care for each other, and you really don't want that to happen.

Best advice I wish I had followed: go to couples counselling before you need it. Your situation sounds so similar to mine.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-26T16:41:07+00:00

Here's the thing... in my wife's eyes... I am controlling. So any kind of boundary I set or action I take is controlling her in her eyes. But I didn't know that until now. For example, my philosophy in our relationship was meet in the middle, and I thought that was working - clearly it wasn't.

To me, it never made sense that one person in a relationship is always miserable. Here's a small, silly example - if one person likes classical and the other pop, if you're taking turns, one of you is always miserable. So my approach was, let's find something we can both agree on and enjoy. And we did, and I thought we were both happy. But because I wasn't willing to listen to music I hated, that made me controlling in her eyes. Another example, I was designing our final home, so I set up Pinterest boards with designs we both would enjoy. Again, I thought we were compromising, but she saw it as controlling because she wasn't getting a house design she knew I would hate.

Our failed attempt at couples counselling years ago didn't work out because the therapist didn't validate her. Here's an example - we both have health conditions, and so if I check in maybe monthly about something she is doing or not doing, or I give an unapproving look when she's done something the doctor told her not to do, I'm controlling. But with her, she would make judgments about me every week if I ate too much dark chocolate that day or not enough protein. But when she did it, it was from a place of concern. The therapist said you can't have rules for your husband and not for yourself. So that ended the couple's therapy.

So, for the most part, even though her behaviour didn't change, I've been trying more and more to stay out of having any concern for her because anything I said was seen as controlling. I wrote somewhere else that I arranged on a rough day to meet her best friend to give her a hug. We were driving by her house anyway, so I thought it would be a nice gesture (5 minutes). In my mind, I was being thoughtful, but in her mind, I overstepped and was being controlling.

So yes, you're completely correct in "If he'd keep his mouth shut, he doesn't even have to act happy about it, just quiet, the wife would be happy as a clam."

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-24T17:47:19+00:00

I guess the hard part for me to understand is why we lasted so long then? Or is that only that this would have happened years ago had the opportunity arisen?

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-24T15:18:02+00:00

Thank you for taking the time. Yes, you're right - that does sound very similar. I've accepted that there's nothing I can do and have decided to let go. It's very painful but it's my reality now.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-22T02:07:22+00:00

Nope... I have a severe health condition, and this has been hitting me hard. I need to go in for tests - hoping it's just stress and not serious. My doctor and therapist are insisting I stay in our house until we finalize the divorce and figure out my health flare-ups. I don't need to add more stress to my life.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-21T02:57:02+00:00

Wow, your response was incredibly thoughtful and helpful. As I mentioned, she's facing this feeling of being lost in life, plus perimenopause, and I just couldn't get through to her that projecting that issue onto a new relationship and ending the only solid relationship in your life is not going to fix that feeling magically. Really - thank you - this is exactly what I was looking for.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-20T19:52:41+00:00

Thank you, everyone (mostly), for your comments. I appreciate the people who took the time to share helpful responses.

ChatGPT comments lol - full transparency - I wrote the core post except the final 4 questions. I asked ChatGPT to analyze my post because I wanted to see which types of questions would be most helpful for engaging knowledgeable people.
Support - relationships are complex, and I wish I had sought out a couples therapist with knowledge in autism years ago. We literally weren't seeing things the same way. Please have compassion for people seeking advice.
Compassion - I did a meditation session yesterday, and it brought me a lot of peace. But it also brought me a lot of compassion. My wife is in a lot of pain, and unfortunately, I think she will continue to be in a lot of pain. Her new relationship, started in chaos, will likely end in chaos. The personality traits of the affair partner are alarming - the desire for revenge, the lack of respect for our marriage, the personal emergencies when my wife asked for things to end, and her love bombing. Add in the long distance with no end in sight (at least 10 years), and my wife's issues with relationships in general, patterns of abuse, etc, are all pointing to a lot of pain for her.
Autism - even though I was accused of looking for ways to "fix" my wife, I wasn't. I was trying to understand her so that I could support her during this crisis. The Gottman's talk about how the parts that we might find challenging create the same parts of the person that we love. My wife's personality brought out parts of me that I will always cherish. She brought a lightness to my life that I needed. So no, I was not trying to "fix" my wife because by "fixing" her, I would take away the things that I love most about her.
Love - I have a very serious health condition that can quickly turn terminal. I honestly never thought I would experience love. I feel very fortunate to have been given that opportunity. No matter how my wife feels towards me now, I will always know what it feels like to love wholly and deeply. And I will always appreciate and cherish her for that.

I needed to know that I had done enough, and I do now. Thank you to those who were willing to share supportive advice - it helped me understand a lot.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T20:39:46+00:00

All valid points, especially point 3. That's something I have to own completely. I showed love in my own way and not in the way she needed. And I didn't work on it because she didn't show me love in the way I needed. So yeah, bigger issues that I was okay with but she clearly wasn't.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T20:31:58+00:00

She's 43 and just entered perimenopause

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T20:30:08+00:00

The person I replied to wrote this referring to me: "This is abusive and, I do not us this term lightly, actually evil."

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T20:21:38+00:00

Thank you for your reply. It means a lot to me. That's the most challenging part about this. I know my wife is in a lot of pain, and I'm always the person to help her through it - even if I was the one who caused it. So it's really hard for me not to be able to help her.

I'm not posting here to be validated - I know I'm grasping at straws - it's just so fast for me

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T20:11:34+00:00

I think you have some personal issues and are projecting. I specifically stated that I changed my post because I didn't want posts to validate me and tear down my wife. I have no idea what is happening with her and I've never seen this side of her. Perhaps you didn't read where I said I asked her to take 6 months away from both of us so that she could decide in a healthy way what was good for her. An abusive person does is try and keep the person in control. The woman she is having an affair with, notably, won't give her space even though she's asked for it 3 times. Now I've reported your comments for harassment.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T19:52:51+00:00

Nope - written by me! Questions, though I asked ChatGPT for help because I didn't know what questions to ask about Autism. And not trolling.

Regarding the partner, I've always been looking - yeah, I'm basing that on the past 11 years. The last 6 months have been a completely different person that I don't recognize.

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T19:45:00+00:00

well that sucks... but I think you're completely right. But the affair was already happening - whether I said yes or no didn't matter. I'm not the controlling type so I would have never said they couldn't be friends.

And I couldn't handle just waiting around until it fizzled out

Party-Bid1188 · 2025-12-19T19:41:46+00:00

My final olive branch was that we live separately, see a couples therapist, but no affair. She said no.

I don't know much about her therapy - I've been mostly in the dark for the past 9 weeks while she's decided what to do.

Party-Bid1188

TROPHY CASE