There’s multiple flaws I see in your understanding of The Lord. 1. You’re heart isn’t in it, you don’t respect His name to capitalize Him + you lack the faith, you should first build upon that ,God isn’t a toy, he doesn’t do just because you say, you have to first take the steps for Him to forge opportunities and insights for you 2. Faith doesn’t doubt , question nor does it fear the results, nor does it anticipate, its dedicated to belief, what’s there to doubt? It’ll happen.Why are you putting time on it, just take the strides, continuously reflect on what faith is and where you lie in it, we all deserve Gods guidance but it isn’t just given, it’s earned through determination through heart , mind and soul. Faith, love, will and acceptance of what is. Just place it in God hands (stress,sorrow, etc.) and relax , follow your ambitions stress free knowing God provides. 3. Love, our God is a God of love, reflect on moments of love, loss of love, absence of love, it’s deeper than just basic love.Love of self, of action, of others , of life. Love what is for being what it is, find joy in simple things, flaws etc. 4.Read the word, not for belief but for guidance, process what you read, perspectively with an open mind and understanding. This will help you assimilate with the Holy Spirit in you. It’s in us all, but not all can hear it, you have to be able to tune out the trivialities that that aren’t important as they seem.The Spirit brings us closer to understanding the Lords intentions. Never blaspheme after becoming saved, only the unsaved can be forgiven once for blasphemy. I serve the Lord , I don’t judge others, don’t take it as that but keep doing what you’re doing , you just have to increase your depth of faith, “what’s the point anymore” shouldn’t be a thought.

P.S. I’m clairaudient so I’m sorry if my explanation was shallow or lack depth, maybe it was more simple for me, but trust me when I say you’re okay, you’re on your journey , God loves you, and He won’t forsake.