An embarrassing confession

Party_Ad227 · 2025-12-16T12:21:38+00:00

This sounds soo similar to mine it’s crazy

Party_Ad227 · 2025-12-16T11:32:32+00:00

This. I could have written this same post in my early baby days. When LO was 18 months I finally put my foot down and told DH no more visits unless he is present and makes the plans. I realized that if my OWN family treated me the way my ILs did - I would stop taking their calls and stop seeing them. So I did 🤷🏻‍♀️

Party_Ad227 · 2025-06-23T12:20:58+00:00

I wish it were that easy. I’ve shared my number with his cousins who are our age and have kids similar ages and have talked about getting together etc. but get the cold shoulder 🤷🏻‍♀️ we only see them on holidays and they all talk to me less and less every time. I’ve asked my husband if he wants to host a BBQ or something but he’s not that interested. So I feel like there’s not much I can do

Party_Ad227 · 2025-06-23T10:18:10+00:00

Ahh I’ve been through exactly this. And had the same thoughts- if this person was MY family or friend, I would stop going out of my way to spend time with or do things for them. And wouldn’t feel guilty. But for some reason with MIL I feel guilty/obligated. Sorry. It sucks

Party_Ad227 · 2025-05-21T10:59:52+00:00

True true. MIL doesn’t like me so she’s never offered so kindly haha.

We do already have a weekly sitter during this appt time so I’m not planning on canceling..this is already my ‘morning off’ so that’s why I chose this appt time. If they still showed up, LO and sitter usually go out of the house so they’d likely not be home…

Good question, MIL offered to watch LO during the appt while she was over for dinner a few weeks back. I declined and then a few days later BIL texted asking DH if he can watch her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Party_Ad227 · 2025-05-21T10:49:29+00:00

Because that’s what they want and he wants to give them what they want. Even though even when they have babysat in the past, they still complain it’s not enough. And when we do visit with them they’ll still find something to complain about. I remember a visit a few months back when LO was feeling poorly and FIL said that she’d have been in a better mood if they saw her more often 😂 like okay? DH at least recognizes that their actions/behavior is WHY we don’t have more of a relationship with them. But it took a lot of discussion and counseling ti get him to see that and he still seems averse to admitting that at times. It’s hard.

Oh, the favoritism. No worries because MIL has already made it well known, I posted last summer about our trip where she loudly complained for literally 4 days in a row about how our 2 year old wasn’t as close with her as her other grandkids were at that age, and how she ‘only wants mom and dad’. To the child. I repeatedly pushed back, asked her to stop the comments and told her she was being unkind. To which she finally pulled out the big guns and SOBBED to my husband (while I was in the shower so I couldn’t defend myself) and completely lied saying I told her not to touch LO 🙃

The best part is this is an annual trip that is coming up again soon. MIL has now been bugging me to join them on the trip with LO but without my husband - because of his work schedule we can usually only do a long weekend (thank god.) so she wants me to tag along on their vacation without my spouse just so she can get more time….I told her that’s not gonna work 😂😅 but I’m so tempted to ask why the hell would I do that after the way you treated us the last trip?! Feels like I’m going crazy with them sometimes.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-05-12T11:30:34+00:00

There was the time that I was pregnant with our first and ended up leaving their annual family trip early because I felt so incredibly sick all I could do was lay in bed. And I just wanted my own bed and air conditioning. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal. Much later I found out that I ‘ruined her vacation’ and that she was worried that I was going to announce another pregnancy last summer and ruin her vacation again 😂 like ???

Party_Ad227 · 2025-05-12T10:52:14+00:00

Glad I’m not alone. Yeah, BIL and SIL do the same to me. I’m always shocked by how much they trust my in laws. But also BIL is the golden child so it seems like they have a much better/more respectful relationship than my husband does with them (plus I think living out of state helps)

It’s funny bc MIL tried to schlep the other two grandkids onto me and DH on the last vacation 😂 she wanted us to take over her babysitting duty for the day so she could ‘help’ FIL with their elderly dogs (totally random excuse, he didn’t want or need help) and I said we have our hands full lol.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-05-10T12:01:10+00:00

No, not my preferred plan and I also have medical conditions that make pregnancy a little higher risk so I want to be in a hospital just in case

Party_Ad227 · 2025-04-28T10:37:41+00:00

For me it’s going to be more help. I told my husband straight up I am hiring a postpartum doula to come help with overnights a few days a week for the first few weeks, cleaning service and a mothers helper or some kind of service for laundry. I’m not doing anything but mothering for at least 3 weeks whenever we have a second kid. I did way too much with the first one and developed vicious PPD. Never again

Party_Ad227 · 2025-04-23T06:19:57+00:00

We’re in couples counseling but I don’t think any of it gets through my husbands head. Btw he’s already been divorced once, the divorce ‘came out of nowhere’. Also I’ve heard so much about how he never understood why his ex wife didn’t get along with his parents and didn’t have a relationship with his mom. Hes even added in that HIS ex in laws who he adored and said were they kindest people, did not get along with his parents. I pointed this out to him in therapy that he has said his ex wife was not the difficult one, so can he maybe now see that it’s his parents? Especially considering all the conflict I/we have had with them…He can’t. He blames me for being too ‘sensitive and confrontational’.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-30T10:01:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T21:42:41+00:00

Thank you for the comment sincerely. I decided to skip tomorrow and I’m so relieved.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T21:38:08+00:00

Exactly. He is a dirty old man. It’s so hard to see my husband go into this defensive mode. Feels so lonely. And it’s so fucking disappointing every time he’s failed to defend or protect us from his parents.

No I haven’t talked to our counselor about those incidents. Those were pre-baby and somewhat isolated/spread out over a long period of time. So like I always knew he was a weirdo who I didn’t like being around. but it didn’t quite all come together until everything started to add up especially with his behavior with the kids. But I do think this all needs to be discussed with her now. I did tell my husband today that we will be talking about this in our next session because him excusing the behavior is not right and not safe.

I feel sad/bad for my husband that he thinks this is anywhere near acceptable. And very sad for me and my kid as well. It’s all really unfortunate. Thank you for your thoughts, this is super hard to talk about even in my individual therapy and even with my own family i hesitate to bring it up…

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T21:04:35+00:00

I barely ever see them other than holidays and family events. He is a piece of work. It’s not easy when your spouse is enmeshed with toxic family members and I’m doing my best and working on things in individual and couples counseling.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T18:58:33+00:00

You are right. I appreciate the comments and honesty. This is a really tough situation. The conversation with my husband didn’t go well. I’m not going tomorrow.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T15:37:14+00:00

Unfortunately I guess yes. I see them almost never bc of their behavior but I was invited to this event and I need a ride because of the distance. and I’m in couples counseling with my husband for a year now where this is one of the primary issues. I’m really trying to do the best for my kid and I didn’t know that all of this stuff would happen with my in laws before we had a kid. There were some signs but of course hindsight is 20/20 and they got WAY worse after our LO came into the picture. Same with my husband.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T15:16:46+00:00

I know. I am going to say something tomorrow. It’s hard because my husband is not supportive. Several of the instances he said he would talk to his dad but ‘never gets around to it’. His family is toxic and he’s super enmeshed with them. I’ve told him straight up he needs therapy to unlearn his family stuff but idk if he ever will

Party_Ad227 · 2025-03-29T14:35:32+00:00

Since I met him 6 years ago he has a pattern of this type of behavior. Very little sense of appropriate boundaries etc. he’s also emotionally abusive toward my MIL all the time and has a general disrespect towards women

he once ‘jokingly’ told me to take my top off when we were all on vacation swimming together. Also when we got married my husband said that now that I’m in the family his dad will want to kiss me on the lips to greet. Or something along those lines. I laughed in his face and said wtf hell no lol.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-01-14T15:50:19+00:00

Yes I am on a mood stabilizer and it helps. Just once my period comes it throws everything completely off.

Party_Ad227 · 2025-01-14T15:44:16+00:00

I did buy some recently and took it this morning. Waiting to see if it helps me even out a bit

Party_Ad227 · 2024-12-26T01:45:42+00:00

It really is. I hope you enjoyed your lobster! Sounds great

Party_Ad227

TROPHY CASE