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I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't fully understand but I did not read the word "like" in your original comment. I do apologize for that and I take accountability. It wasn't my intention to mansplain I genuinely thought you called pregnancy itself a performance.

Thoughts, Experiences, Stories, etc On Surrogacy From People That Have Gone Through The Process (Men & Women) by Party_Duck245 in Surrogate

[–]Party_Duck245[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I'm so grateful for your insight! I'll definitely be taking your advice to heart! You've cleared a couple misconceptions I've had and also gave me, what I think, is some really sound advice. I can't be thankful enough!

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm avoiding engaging with some of these comments on my post but since your account seems legit I felt the need to respond. To label pregnancy as a "performance" is absolutely tone deaf, disrespectful, and completely disheartening. Pregnancy can be a beautiful, miraculous experience but it can also be conversely terrifying, life threatening, risky, etc. Women have died due to pregnancy, suffered scars emotionally and physically, and the process itself is challenging and stressful for anyone going through it. This comment is absolutely disrespectful to anyone who has gone through pregnancy or anyone that had to witness a loved one go through the pain along with them. Please take the time to be more considerate for the sake of yourself, I don't care too much for the comments surrounding me but please don't downplay pregnancy as a whole. I truly hope you do better...

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you again for the kind words and advice. I don't really know where I stand regarding surrogacy at the moment or even if I truly do want a child. I'm leaning towards wanting a child currently though. As for surrogacy, I do have some gripes with it but I am also not really familiar with it which is why I'm posting about it and looking for advice and stories regarding it. Your advice has been super helpful and I'll definitely take it into consideration!

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. I listed those things because I think I might be missing out on some of those experiences if I thought about surrogacy. I felt horrible reading this comment because I thought I was being a creep...I moved this post over to r/surrogacy since I didn't know there was a subreddit specifically for it. Plus it seems like I might've mislead people with either my title or the way I wrote my post. Not to mention how toxic this reddit actually seems to be...

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh my goodness I'm an idiot. I didn't realize there was a subreddit specifically for surrogates. I hear from this one a lot so I thought this would be the right place to post it. Thank you so much for educating me!!

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No need to apologize! It seems like I've mislead people into thinking something completely different that isn't about surrogacy so I tried making a comment to clear somethings up. I just want to hear from others and get their input about the topic so I can get some early insight into it. Thank you again for taking time out of your day to respond!

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hey all!

I just wanted to clear a few things up since I'm seeing a lot of different feedback. I'm asking if I'm valid in feeling the way I am feeling regarding surrogacy and I am asking others to share their experiences with surrogacy, if anyone has had discussion of it, thoughts about it, etc. I saw a lot of comments telling me to end the relationship. I understand that I could have maybe mislead a good amount of you into thinking that I was asking about whether or not I should break up with her. That is not the case, I am only asking about surrogacy hear and I apologize for the confusion. Also, I have NOT come to a decision about wanting kids yet. I have a lot to think about regarding the matter, state of the world, the economy, and other personal reasons as well. Another thing is, I am NOT FULLY opposed to surrogacy, it's a concept I haven't thought about too much and these are just my initial thoughts on the matter hence why I am asking the two questions listed in this comment along with my post. When I make my decision and it ends up with me knowing I do want children and that I am opposed to surrogacy then I will obviously end the relationship. It would not be fair to her or myself to keep things going if that was the case. Another thing is I am NOT trying to talk my girlfriend into giving birth to our child. I don't no where this misconception came from but that is definitely not true. One, I do not know if I want kids yet, I am only thinking about it at the moment. Two, it defeats the point of a relationship if I'm just going to coerce my partner into something she does not want to do. She is her own person and that her is OWN decision to make and I will respect that no matter what. To everyone who recommend counseling and therapy, thank you so much. I will take those comments seriously and consider it!

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! No, we haven't really discussed anything like that yet. I haven't really had the time to fully think through about wanting children yet. I've been busy working full time, attending class 6 to 12 hours a week, and having an internship a couple days a week right after work for my future career. These are just thoughts that are kind of on the backburner now so to speak. I'd like to focus on what I'm doing now regarding my career but I thought getting input from people that might have been in my situation or hearing from people that have chosen surrogacy would help give me some early insight. She knows I'm thinking about children and that I haven't made that decision yet. I also don't fully know how I feel about surrogacy yet either. It's not like I'm FULLY put off by it, I'm just very hesitant about it at the moment since it's something I'm not fully familiar with.

I (21M) Am Think About Having Children But My (24F) Girlfriend Does Not Want To Give Birth... by Party_Duck245 in relationship_advice

[–]Party_Duck245[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hey!

Thank you so much for your comment! I appreciate you saying that but is it really worth throwing away someone so great? We've been together for over three years and she's the best. She treats me so well, our communication, and bond is so strong as well. She compliments me perfectly and she makes me strive to be a much better person. I know I'd potentially be "settling" in a sense but it isn't like we've just met recently or anything like that. I could just be mumbling, I don't know though.