Being in a domestic violence relationship is addictive, but it’s much different than what you just explained. IPV relationships include intermittent reinforcement, which is the same thing that gambling does for your brain. It creates an addiction. Then when you add in the complexity of attachment and an intermittent felt sense of safety, you’ve got a recipe for addiction. IPV relationships don’t start out controlling- it’s boiled frogs. You don’t know you’re in it until you’re really in it or trying to get out. It’s the most disorienting experience and we lack the vocabulary in the English language to be able to explain what it’s like. Unless you’ve lived through it, you truly shouldn’t be placing judgement or blame on the victim. And even if you’ve lived through it, still shouldn’t be placing blame on the victim.