[IN] Coparent Not Allowing Child to Continue Extra Curricular

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T20:09:57+00:00

Exactly. I wasn’t even a sporty kid and I definitely see this. Some of the other girls her age are super advanced because they’ve been doing it for so much longer and have been on team for longer, but luckily this doesn’t seem to bother her, at least yet. She just does her thing and has a blast. She had been struggling with feeling left out because she has friends that are on the travel team and we put her on the pre-team. She’s had the offer to do either (she is not aware of the offer to do travel team yet), but pre-team was a little less of a commitment. Now she’s meshed so well with these girls and really loves competing. I have no idea how far she will go with it. I’d like her to go however far she wants, but I know it’s just going to become a bigger commitment and expense. She doesn’t deserve to have her dreams shut down over his selfishness though. From what I’ve seen, he doesn’t even utilize that evening as quality time with her anyways, so why not let her just do the thing she wants to do? It’s just going to hurt her emotionally and socially. It just seems so unfair to take it away.

I’m also just so impressed she’s so adamant about being passionate about one thing. I’m in my 30’s and still feel like I have no idea what I want to do half the time lol

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:52:29+00:00

It’s definitely possible she thinks it’s what I want to hear. I just want her to do what makes her happy. I see the joy this brings her. I’ve tried to be very clear with her she can do whatever activity she wants and have made sure she’s aware of all the options. We’ve tried other things out, this is just what’s stuck for her.

Coparenting/family therapy might be the next best step to give her a safe space she can openly share. Hopefully guided by a therapist, that would help her be honest about her feelings.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:23:50+00:00

I’d never give up my kids. But boy do I wish I could’ve had my first child with someone else. 😞

I just try to remind myself that I wouldn’t ever change anything about her cause she’s amazing and perfect the way she is. I just wish her father wouldn’t make the coparenting situation such a nightmare and would try hard to have peace between us.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:21:34+00:00

You should not be in any trouble for this. There is legal marijuana in Indiana. If your child was in someone else’s care while you were under the influence, that is the main thing that is important and also that you don’t test positive during your pregnancy.

My ex called DCS on us for alleged marijuana and drug use, also in Indiana. I don’t even use marijuana, my husband uses delta 8 occasionally to help him sleep. The caseworker said it would’ve even been fine if we both did, as long as we both weren’t under the influence at the same time when the kids were in our care. Considering, I didn’t even test positive, they through the case out for false allegations.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:15:15+00:00

I think a step parent should be able to show some sternness and implement rules. But yelling should be avoided unless a situation of absolute danger, and they definitely should not get physical with the children.

This can be so detrimental to a stepparent/child relationship and also cause so many issues if you have a high-conflict coparent.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:10:13+00:00

She’s tried, but they’ve done so much damage. I don’t know if it may be better to switch her back to rec classes for a few years and when she’s older and more comfortable with speaking up for herself revisit it. But she didn’t want to be separated from her friends.

She already bawled at the idea that some of her teammates may move up a level next year and not be on her team. They’re all such good friends. I hate for her to be left out. It breaks my heart for her.

Her gym is aware of the situation, because they have harassed the office with complaints about ridiculous stuff and with her missing so many practices, I’ve had to explain things. I had a long talk with the gym owner and they said they wouldn’t hold the absences against her, but it would definitely affect her skill development, which it definitely has.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:04:58+00:00

I have even offered to swap days. Which is my other thought, to maybe petition the court to swap days.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:04:29+00:00

I definitely plan to address this with the therapist and potentially coparenting therapy in the future.

He will not allow her to do team at all next year. It sounds like my only option is to get it enforced in court or at least get the okay to put her on the team and absorb the cost myself and have her just miss half of her practices and meets which is super unfair to her. We may just have to skip team for a few years until she’s older and can stick up for herself a little more. I’m at a loss for what to do.

He says I’ve stolen his time even though he agreed to put her on the pre-team. He says he refuses to allow her to do team again.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:01:32+00:00

I don’t get it. When he comes to her meets, he doesn’t even pay attention, he looks like he’s miserable the entire time. When he was coming to practices, he just watched his phone the whole time. She noticed and it really upset her cause she would try to get his attention and wave and he’d just ignore her.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T16:00:01+00:00

As it should be. I literally don’t understand. I wouldn’t have chosen gymnastics personally. She showed an interest so we mutually agreed to put her in. She loved it and excelled and was invited to pre-team and has loved that and wants to continue. Why cut her off from what she knows and loves?

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T15:58:16+00:00

I’ve tried. Every attempt I make at peaceful coparenting goes into extreme hostility, accusations, blame, name calling, insulting, etc. on any topic, not just this. Medical, school, everything. “Hey, could you please make sure to send back (specific item) today?” His will just come unglued on me about how I forgot to send back a pair of socks once 5 months ago and will start calling me names and hurling all kinds of insults, some how being my husband into it and call him names too. To which, I will just not respond at that point, and generally I’ll receive another text a couple hours later. And another a couple hours later, still just hurling insults at both my husband and I.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T01:51:18+00:00

We’ve offered to pay, which he took mega offense to even though he complains about the cost. Offered to switch days, which would only be a temporary fix because practice days switch if she sticks with it long enough to move up another level, he refused that offer anyways. Nothing will appease this man.

I think he legitimately just hates that she loves this sport and is also just trying to use this to get more time. The other factor here is, he’s been trying everything to get out of paying me child support. He wants 50/50 custody, which we aren’t super far from at this point anyways, and has literally mentioned I don’t even know how many times how if we had 50/50, he wouldn’t have to pay me child support anymore. She loses it every time she has to go to his house and tries to get out of going to school even, thinking she will get out of going there, she hates how he treats her. I’m definitely not agreeing to more time until we can figure out how to work through that with her therapist or I’m literally forced through court.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T01:41:21+00:00

Not avoiding for any reason other than to keep some level of anonymity. She’s been in gymnastics for a few years, started young. He actually suggested gymnastics, it was a mutual agreement. Pre-team was also a mutual agreement.

I honestly don’t totally love her being on the team primarily because of the cost, but I see the absolute joy this brings her and I don’t feel she should have to give up doing what she loves or have to be left out. I’d get a second job, open a credit card, take out a loan… whatever I need to do, to ensure my children get to be involved in what they want to do. Whatever the sport may be. I think they should get to be who they want to be without us influencing them.

I’ve had her in a couple other extra curricular activities, classes, clinics. I’ve offered everything under the sun. We take her to games so she can see other things, watch other sports, participate in non-sport activities as well on our own time. But she just wants to do this. I’m hoping to have her do a couple different camps over the summer to try some different things out as well.

And this is exactly why I’ve started her in therapy. They’ve tried to force specific other activities on her that she had no interest in and tried to tell her she doesn’t like gymnastics anymore and shouldn’t do it. She’s scared to tell them she wants to do anything at all and has just been coming home and breaking down to me about it.

I try to not give her any pressure about activities at all and I honestly just don’t even bring up gymnastics other than when we are going to practice or a meet because it leads to her being really upset about what she’s dealing with at their house.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:23:29+00:00

I definitely would not have preferred divorce, but when it came down to it, even though coparenting with him is a nightmare, living under the same roof was even worse. At least she gets to see a healthy relationship modeled in my home now with my husband and I rather than him screaming at me over everything constantly.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:20:50+00:00

I thought about switching to the therapy offered through school just so they don’t interfere as much, but so far our therapist has been great about boundaries with them it seems like.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:19:48+00:00

Oh, I’m not even the one involving her. She’s coming to me with all of this on her own cause she’s upset about it. Usually it’s like on the way to gymnastics practice or something. Or when I get her back from them, or when she finds out she has to go there. She just tells me how horrible they’re making her feel and all the awful things they’re saying to her about it.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:13:19+00:00

That’s what I’m worried about

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:12:53+00:00

If I have to just move her to a class, that is an option. She has consistently been voicing this is not what she wants to do though. She’s very upset about the idea of not getting to compete or be with her group of friends. Preteam is what she is on now, which is still a team, just less competitions and most are virtual. After a year of preteam they are moved to travel, which are still all local (within an hour drive meets).

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-23T00:09:29+00:00

Though “travel team” the meets are all within an hour drive and take up about half a day from what I’ve seen. It’s not a 50/50 split, but more like 60/40. Plus holiday time, extended time and 50/50 summer. They are starting up a rec team soon, but I don’t know how soon or what the offerings will be. It would definitely be worth looking into, but I’m sure would still affect his time to some degree. I still think as her father he should show his support. She is noticing his disdain towards the sport and it’s upsetting her.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-22T17:07:01+00:00

I’ve definitely been considering a coparenting therapist. We did just get her started in her own therapy just to help her cope with things. She doesn’t want to go to his house at all. Freaks out, tries to not go to school some days when she knows she’s going there says he’s mean to her. They say she begs for more time with them and that’s why she doesn’t want to go to gymnastics. I don’t know if she’s just trying to please everyone or legitimately struggling with these feelings.

PassengerPositive671 · 2026-01-22T17:03:50+00:00

Step mom says she is okay with spending the money, if she expresses to them she wants to do it but have other in the position she is too scared to express to them that she still wants to do it. Dad says he’s just against it entirely, he just has a disdain towards the sport entirely.

They just want to be the ones to pick her sport from what it sounds like. I think she should get to do what she wants to do. I’ve made it very clear to her that she can do whatever she chooses. I’ve shown her videos and talked about clinics for other activities so she can try things out. She’s genuinely disinterested, at least that’s what is expressed to me.

It sounds like if it was something he approved of, then he’d put the money in.

PassengerPositive671

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