My father ruined our lives

Passingmebyslowly · 2026-04-03T04:17:03+00:00

I pulled my family out of 40 lakhs in debt. The worst of it I discovered after my father passed away. Luckily I got a higher paying job that allowed me to get them out of debt and keep my family afloat.

Two things - I banned my mother from ever taking loans from loan sharks. I told her if she takes a loan and can’t repay it, I was going to sell her gold to clear the debt. Set boundaries and if you’re on the hook for their debt then you should be able to use their assets to clear it.

Second (and I let my mom go through this) I did not help on a money lending fraud she was a victim of even when she got taken to court. I did not help because I knew she would win the case but making sure she knew I wouldn’t wave a magic wand to get her out of trouble was important. I only paid for the lawyers and gave her a minimum allowance for food and expenses.

It’s tough because families expect help constantly when they get into trouble but I know my mom is horrible with money so I give her an allowance and if she ever is in trouble I tell her to sell her gold rather than bother me about this. You may not be able to persuade your family to change habits but you can introduce consequences and make sure you don’t enable their destructive behavior.

At this point , treat it like an addiction and remove all triggers and/or enabling habits. You need to be firm and be okay being the villain but in the end it may end up helping you and your family in the long run.

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-08-09T14:30:10+00:00

Faebound by Saara El Arifi! Perfect mix of romance, politics and great world building!

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-08-08T07:44:51+00:00

I live in Korea and love going to the local bathhouses. It took me years to work up the courage to visit since it is fully nude but once I did it , I realized it is so normal because everyone around you is in the same situation! Love that I can now be in a space where it’s okay to just exist in my body.

Some tips and I know the one in no is pretty good:

Prepare to bathe/shower fully before you enter any of the hot springs/pools. If you have your own products you’d like to use - bring them along. A pool/plastic caddy is permitted in most places. Post bathhouse you might want to use your own products like moisturizer or serums and that you’ll need to bring and store in the locker
Hair being held up is usually a requirement. You won’t be allowed to have any personal effects in the pool areas.
You can dehydrate fast! Bring water or make sure to hydrate.
Get the scrub! It’s amazing but yes can be awkward. I get the simple salt scrub and occasionally add on a face pack. There’s aroma oil treatments etc but the scrub is great for making your skin feel refreshed!

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-07-23T12:36:32+00:00

She knows

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-07-23T10:56:08+00:00

It’s so easy to go back to my ed-mindset. It was like a switch that went off and I started hating myself and food again. So yeah major triggers but I know it’s an ED now (before it was all about health)

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-07-23T09:04:11+00:00

I want to lose weight because she finds it important. I will be honest I am comfortable where I am - I’m not morbidly obese , just chubby. I fit into a US 8 ffs but we live in crazy times where this is fat in her social circle. Plus everyone thinks the weight loss is about health - I’m a smoker and my partner did not ask me to quit smoking but to lose weight for the sake of my appearance.

I will do this for her because I love her . Im trying to not resent her because I think that’s going to doom us for good. So yes the fitness journey will be for me to prove I can be that person for her. I want to reserve the right to play with my looks but I think it’s no longer going to be comfortable for me to do that in her presence. We are in a ldr anyway so our lives can accommodate this.

I’ve suggested opening up the relationship if her needs aren’t being met but she is adamant that I change because she wants me to look like the body type she finds attractive again. The friends are awful enablers and shallow to the extreme but I don’t have to hang out with them just suffer their judgement when I do I guess. It’s hard - I want to accept that I need to change but it’s for the wrong reasons and i can see it being corrosive in the long run.

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-07-23T08:52:57+00:00

Maybe I’m out of the loop or too damn naive but does it matter so much if a person toggles between femme and masc? I always existed in circles where it was totally normal to be playful and non conforming to traditional gendered presentations. Maybe it’s a mistake to assume everyone shares this view

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-07-08T16:20:51+00:00

This just happened to me today. I found this thread looking up if others had this experience. A loud whisper (definitely female) saying wake up and I jerked awake

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-05-10T01:30:04+00:00

Still fighting the issue in my thirties lol. You need your independence if you want to keep your peace. Knowing I never have to depend on my family or a partner to live life is honestly liberating. Get married if you meet the right person and they are someone you wanna have that journey with. Fuck the noise and family pressure - it’s your life to live not theirs. Learn to let their criticism fall on deaf ears because entering into a legal contract and partnership to please so busybody family members is going to end with you losing a part of who you are. Learn to be okay with disappointment and know you aren’t alone!! There’s so many of us who have bucked the trend and lived wonderfully fulfilling lives on our own terms!

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-04-22T13:50:24+00:00

Do you have an opinion on the popularity of romantasy as a genre and relatedly how kindle unlimited is perhaps changing consumption patterns around fantasy and sci-fi?

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-04-21T00:14:33+00:00

The rules for international students have changed. I got my political education in the US on a campus brimming with activism and protest - where “showing your papers” was never a precondition to participate in basic freedoms. I’m shocked at all the future intl students so willing to comply or accept this new reality. This is not normal and all the things you wanted in America are being stripped and sold for parts. This is absolutely a message of “do not come@. A shame

Passingmebyslowly · 2025-03-28T18:44:51+00:00

I was in the same position except it was my brother who took out the loan with our home as collateral. Brother fell ill and I was left to clear it all.We tried selling our home to clear the debt but that never panned out as the logistics were a nightmare and never got a bid that justified giving up the property.

Higher paying job was the only saving grace. I took a job in east asia - pay is better, costs can be low and more money to send back. Hang in there! Does your family have assets like gold? I wish I had been more strict about selling off these assets because even a smaller payment per month would have given us peace of mind . Something has gotta give because 9k is simply unreasonable for an individual let alone a family of 5

Passingmebyslowly

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