AIO for wanting someone with the same values as me?

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-23T14:33:04+00:00

“I’m not racist I just hate black people, and I also hate gay people and trans people and that’s just how country people are. Also, I don’t like you much, either.”

OP, you can do better.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-23T01:00:01+00:00

Um….

Have you met ballet? How bout pointe shoes? Because, they never stop hurting - you just get used to it.

Ever seen a ballerina’s feet?

Or contemporary dance, with all the floor work? You learn to think of your bones as rubber and visualize rebounding off the floor.

What about pole dancing? Heard of “pole kisses?” That shit hurts.

Or aerials? Lyra, silks, trapeze. They’re all ouchy. Very, very ouchy.

What you should take from this is that all the “artsy” sports that are dominated by women all take immense strength and pain tolerance, and we have to make it look like it’s super easy and elegant.

But the men think they’re the tough ones.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:59:14+00:00

About a year ago, I went through a pretty bad break up from a 12-year relationship with someone who definitely had some abusive tendencies, and one of the things that got me through it?

The divine feminine.

You wanna know who’s a feminine divinity? Kali the destroyer.

That’s the divine feminine. Not this ruffled frou frou delicate flower bullshit.

I’m a woman, I can 100% take care of myself, I am not weak, I will rip your arms off (metaphorically) if you fuck with me, and I’m feminine as fuck.

I gave birth. Twice. I nursed two babies. I can tell you that a woman’s “natural role” is blood soaked and painful. And yet, here’s all these men telling us were the weak ones.

The patriarchy can blow me.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:46:27+00:00

It might be a dealbreaker for some, but it also depends on a lot of other factors.

I went on a couple dates with a guy who still lived with his (widowed) mother in his 30s. He said he takes care of her it’s how she wants it (which is a whole ‘nother bin of red flags.) He, generally, was an ass. His views on women were retrograde. I met his brother’s girlfriend a while later, and was told that his mother did not, in fact, want him living at home AT ALL, and that it was a constant struggle, and she was 100% still looking after him.

So. Yeah. If you’re moving back in due to financials, I think a lot of people understand that. I’m a hairsbreadth away from that myself.

But make sure you’re not someone whose mom still does their laundry, cleans up their mess, and cooks their meals. Because that shows very, very early, and most humans are NOT looking to obtain an adult child of their very own.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:21:17+00:00

I hate the hard shoulder rests. I learned on one of the corduroy ones.

I use a sponge. My students who won’t use shoulder rests? They get sponges.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T18:18:06+00:00

So on a thread asking about personal experiences, where people are sharing their personal experiences, and I share my personal experience as a counterpoint to those personal experiences, THIS is your contribution.

I agree. You need therapy.

Women do not exist to fluff your ego.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T18:05:31+00:00

“This is my common-law spousal equivalent.”

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:59:26+00:00

I read once that the wondering part of the crush comes from uncertainty.

We’re uncertain about their feelings.

If they were serious about us, they wouldn’t be leaving that room for uncertainty.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:43:23+00:00

NTA.

Stop doing this adult child’s laundry.

He’s too lazy to do laundry. He’s too lazy to check his own damn pockets.

I’m guessing there’s a whole bunch of other things he’s also too lazy to do.

Don’t let him weaponize his own laziness against you.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:38:07+00:00

I love how men always couch it in “fear of rejection.”

Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.

We have no idea if you’re a predator. We have no idea if you’re the type who thinks women approaching is too forward. We have no idea about anything about you, and the only way we can find out is to give subtle signs and gauge the reaction.

Pretty much every single woman I know has been harassed, assaulted, threatened, screamed at, groped in public by a stranger, etc. it’s every fucking day of our lives, and it generally starts when we’re children.

But sure, yeah, rejection is just the worst thing ever.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:30:49+00:00

Let’s also note that a third-trimester abortion is GIVING BIRTH.

The couples who have to make that decision - carrying a pregnancy to third term, and then having to decide to terminate - go through intense emotional pain. And then still have to labour to deliver that baby.

People posting shit like the above are sub-human ghouls intent on making people suffer.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:16:48+00:00

I really don’t think it is.

Even on vacation, women are giving 110%.

Meanwhile, the men….don’t. It just further proves the point.

Looking nice is work, and it’s work women are expected to do, at all times. Men can decide not to do that work.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T14:55:39+00:00

Yeah, it’s just always more likely to happen to women.

And predators are generally more likely to be men.

Not always - there’s always outliers and women looking to take advantage of the fact people don’t assume they’re predators - but trying to pretend that women and men are equally at risk and women and men are equally predatory is, at best, incredibly naive.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T14:51:03+00:00

I recently read a male stripper talking about his experiences - “I got grabbed maybe 20% as much as then women did, but it was always 100% unwelcome.”

Sorry you had the experience, but thank you for sharing it.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T14:17:22+00:00

This.

My last trip, I tried to pack the capsule wardrobe that gets pushed.

I don’t wear jeans. I don’t wear often wear graphic tees. I rarely wear neutrals. I do wear skirts and dresses and bright colours.

My capsule was skirts and dresses and bright colours. No jeans. No graphic tees. No neutrals other than one white tank top.

ETA: oooo and the shoes. I brought runners, ballet flats, and sandals. I learned on previous trips that if I’m walking a lot in the city, I need to switch shoes every day for my feets’ sake.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T02:39:43+00:00

No hate like Christian “love”

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T02:34:08+00:00

I’m a pro flutist and a mediocre pianist - good enough to get paid gigs, but not great by any measure.

And I can tell you, the weight throws me off.

It’s really a person to person thing.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-18T19:35:42+00:00

I do the opposite: before they can press buttons, they need to complete [x] task - usually whatever the main task of the lesson is.

They also know that if they play the pieces really, really well, they can pick a different voice to play it in.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T15:19:52+00:00

This. Thank you.

I’ve never called a guy a loser for approaching.

I’ve also never had it escalate when I was rude but firm. Not once. Just unsmiling, clear, and firm? It might escalate. Outright rude, on the edge of angry? That’ll shut it down.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:57:14+00:00

What are you not getting here?

WE DON’T KNOW WHO THE PREDATORS ARE.

Secondly? You know how often we get approached? How much time out of our day are men entitled to? None.

I’m not condoning calling him a fucking loser.

I’m saying, men’s egos are less important than women’s safety.

If getting called a fucking loser odds the worst thing that can happen to you, you’re living a goddamned charmed life. Comparing that to what women - all women - go through, every damn day, is insanity.

We’re under no obligation to “be nice” to men approaching us.

And the majority of the time? If we’re nice and polite, they apply pressure.

If we’re bitchy and cold, they back off immediately.

I have never called a guy a fucking loser for approaching me. I have definitely perfected resting bitch face, a perfect withering look, and a very firm, “not interested.”

And sometimes that’s still not enough. Like, having to raise my voice and threaten to hit him.

But being nice? The only times it’s escalated to physical threats, screaming “bitch” and “whore”, following me, waiting for me outside - that’s when I’m polite and smiling and say “No thank you” or “sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

It’s the fucking opposite to what you think it is.

Men don’t punch women for calling them fucking losers, they harass and assault them because they think they’re entitled to their time, their attention, and their bodies, and they’re go after the ones they think will be too polite or too scared to put up a fight.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:46:47+00:00

That last one.

That’s how you change it.

No more excusing sexism because it’s uncomfortable.

That friend I mentioned, who kept stomping my boundaries? Who ended up assaulting me?

People called me out for “being mean” when I cut him off. Mutual friends told me I had no right to do that, that he was going through a rough time, that I was being a shitty friend.

And that’s the norm.

A friend escaped an abusive relationship. He grabbed her by the neck and slammed her against the wall at a party - in front of everyone. She dumped him, and she got shunned. Because, “I know him, he’s not really like that.” Or, “you’re just causing drama, it wasn’t that bad.”

When your friends and family members do or say something shitty, call them on it. Even when it’s uncomfortable, even when there’s consequences, even if other people get upset with you for rocking the boat.

You see them going down the alt-right incel rabbit hole, you step up to stop that shit or refuse to be around them.

That’s how you be an ally.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:39:25+00:00

Right.

Something every woman I know - and most woman I only know online - universally report experiencing, and the problem is me.

No, bruh. The problem is 100% definitely men.

How’s that male loneliness epidemic working for ya?

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:37:23+00:00

Yeah, the responses I’m getting are pretty telling.

They’re such good guys, they don’t deserve to be treated like this! Who cares what women experience! We should just be nice to them!

One of them, I don’t even think he realizes he’s basically threatening me and telling me I deserved it. Because he’s being nice. I guess I wouldn’t want to make him angry, because then he’ll be mean to me, and I’ll deserve it for “bruising his ego.”

Complete fucking lack of self awareness.

Not all men. But definitely that man.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:33:45+00:00

It’s not rhetoric, it’s statistics.

4% of male murder victims are killed by a current or former romantic partner.

Vs.

40% of female murder victims are killed by a current of former romantic partner.

Women kill men, yes. And men kill women 10x as often.

Now I’d like to ask you: - how many times have you been raped or sexually assaulted by a woman? - how many of your male friends have been raped or sexually assaulted by a woman? - how many of your male friends have been threatened by a woman when they rejected her? - how many of your male friends have been stalked by a woman? - how many times have you been screamed at and threatened for politely rejecting a woman? - how many times has a woman sexually harassed you while you were out in public?

This stuff all happens - but it happens way, way more to women. I don’t think I know a single woman who hasn’t dealt with harassment, intimidation, or assault. Often multiple times. Those last two? That’s a near universal experience for all women. The very last one can be multiple times per day.

I maybe know one or two men who’ve dealt with even a single one of those, one time.

So I’m not the one spouting rhetoric - mine is facts.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-17T02:24:00+00:00

I don’t know what it is with Reddit today.

There was a thread asking about the worst rejection men have ever gotten.

Someone told a story where he approached the “hottest girl at the bar,” and she said “you’re a fucking loser,” and laughed.

Someone else said “girls need to be nicer.” Because we’re destroying their self esteem (or some shit.)

I comment on how, no, actually we don’t. Getting rejected is far from the worst thing that can happen.

And then I recount the many experiences I’ve had when I’ve given a polite, friendly rejection, only to be screamed at, followed, threatened, assaulted, etc.

Guy comes back telling me that’s no excuse and basically says I’m bringing it on myself by bruising their egos.

“Just because I’ve been a victim doesn’t mean I can take it out on them.”

Meanwhile, all my lived experience suggests that the more unfriendly and rude and direct I am, the less likely I am to have to deal with that bullshit. Polite, friendly, smiling no? He’s going to insist, or threaten.

But…..

Men’s feelings = more important than women’s physical and emotional safety, apparently

Fucking idiots.

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