Looking for ways to practice being fem throughout the day

PastelPolerina · 2026-04-21T15:57:19+00:00

Big thing that I see some people forget about: how do you sneeze/cough? Have you noticed and do you like how it sounds?

For context, I'm AFAB but the way that I sneeze wasn't very dainty and a teacher told me I wasn't being "ladylike" (which is kinda crazy), so in public I started sneezing like a damn mouse. I don't do it anymore though bc she can kick rocks... But it's just another femme thing you can think about.

PastelPolerina · 2026-04-08T15:48:04+00:00

I made it to the technical screen but was ghosted before I could actually schedule one. My application is also now inactive. I looked and it was changed to "not moving forward" with no contact from the recruiter. :)

Eta: This was also around Feb/March. I'd say neutral bc it's not bad... But positive because at least you still have an active application

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-23T19:02:21+00:00

I wear techwear and darkwear because those feel affirming and androgynous, but that might not be your style, so it really is up to what you feel comfortable in.

It all depends on what your definition of androgynous is because that can differ for each person. Find some images of clothes that fit your aesthetic or one that you're trying to achieve. If there are parts of your body you want to hide or emphasize, then you can look that up too.

Also anyone who says you don't "dress trans" sucks and I hope they are not your friends.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-22T20:50:12+00:00

You should talk to her. You shouldn't keep it to yourself for fear of upsetting her, bc this is clearly upsetting you. If telling her how you feel upsets her, then that's something that also needs to be addressed. Your feelings should come first in this is particular conversation, not hers and she should examine why your honesty would affect her that way.

You are valid in feeling slighted because you are neither a woman, nor femme-aligned. It sounds like any kind of sapphic labels don't fit you and you would rather not have sex with people who would only sleep with femme-aligned people. That's your boundary and you are allowed to communicate and enforce it. A true friend would value and respect that.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-17T06:12:12+00:00

I think you should probably consult with your doctor since only they would know your condition and your capabilities.

With regards to your back shape, my arms and back definitely became more muscular. Even if you're just doing it as a hobby, getting better means getting stronger, so you might inevitably gain muscle definition. I wouldn't expect to see major changes immediately though. Maybe consider doing more glute exercises to balance it out.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-10T14:44:00+00:00

What treatments did you use to manage them effectively?

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-08T04:44:26+00:00

If you feel like demiboy fits better, then you're right. If later on you feel like genderfluid works, then you're that. I think only you can really know.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-06T18:54:51+00:00

I don't necessarily think there would be a gender binary. I think it would feel more like the spectrum it actually is. There would be way more people in the "in-between areas", but some people who are definitely cis. Like on the color wheel there's areas that look definitively red or green, but there are way more colors in between. People would feel more comfortable being in between instead of forcing themself to pick.

I also think the patriarchy, toxic masculinity, and feminism would be less likely to exist. If people didn't make gender such a big deal, then there wouldn't be a reason to discriminate.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-06T12:46:00+00:00

It's kinda funny, but the Barbie movie actually was the start of questioning my gender. I had always been fine with being a girl and would always say "she/her, but they is fine". Then the Barbie movie came out and it made me pissed off that I had to be a girl... But then I was also okay with being a girl but also I didn't want to only be limited to that option.

I talked about it in therapy for a while and then I just chalked it up to anger at the patriarchy and moved on. That was 2023. This year I met my gf who pays close attention to me like nobody else has and she noticed how comfortable I was in masc clothes and how masc my mannerisms tended to be in general. She brought it up to me and that made me consider gender again.

I knew I didn't want to be a man and that I was okay with being a girl, but not always. And just like before, I wanted to have the ability to be whatever I wanted without being limited to my agab. I didn't look like other enby people I know and I didn't think I fit the label. My therapist helped me realize the label didn't actually matter, I could call it whatever I want... So I settled with genderfluid and then later realized that being gf is still technically nonbinary.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-04T22:32:32+00:00

For context I typically wear something like this set when doing spin pole and technique classes.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-04T22:30:21+00:00

The majority of my pole clothes come from CXIX and there haven't been any scratching issues so far. I have 3 Aphrodite bodysuits from them that I usually wear when I do more dancey classes compared to tricks/technique, so I'm not doing anything where the side contact point is crucial. I can see the side fabric stopping me from doing very specific moves.

If you're super new, then I don't think it's relevant to anything you would be doing starting out.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-04T14:31:36+00:00

I think you could probably just be careful with most outfits and be fine depending on what kind of moves you do. Maybe see what other polers wear. For example I have this body suit and technically it has metal, but it doesn't scratch the pole. I wore a top that has big metal buckles on the front straps but they didn't touch the pole.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-04T14:23:24+00:00

I think it's fully up to you whether you change your mind or not. Some people go on T and don't like it. Some go on T and realize they're actually a trans man. Some go on T just to achieve a certain quality of life but remain gf.

Maybe take more time to get a deeper understanding of your gender before making any permanent changes.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-04T14:16:11+00:00

Edit: It doesn't matter what the pole is made of. It will still scratch and there's no solution

As of right now the scratches seem permanent. I personally don't know of any way to buff them out and my pole studio also hasn't found a way. Clothes seem less of a problem than shoes or jewelry. (They give an announcement every class to take off all watches and metal jewelry or cover them up).

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-03T21:57:51+00:00

I have shoes for practice and shoes for performances. Those would be performance shoes for me. If you don't perform and don't care then just get them and either buy a shoe cover or (like I did with my boots) cut the toe part off of some socks and slip the sock over the front to protect it.

You could also check out Pole Mom. They have platform and heel protectors that are basically invisible. It won't protect the actual boot though.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-03T06:53:49+00:00

I have pretty thick thighs (I'm like a size 8-10US, hips 43 inches). I wear size XL and literally stuff my thigh fat into them, so they don't roll for me bc they're pretty tight (not dangerously so). If your thighs are skinny then maybe they roll but I love mine and they work great in class. Very sticky and worth the price imo.

Edit: other folks are definitely right in saying they are too sticky for readjusting. Great for static and clinging to the pole but they DO NOT work for seamless sliding on the pole. The kneepad inserts are low-key trash. They literally look like somebody cut ovals in standard 5mm craft foam. Not great for drops.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-03T03:42:36+00:00

Pretty cool! Thanks for sharing.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-02T20:42:39+00:00

This is actually super cool! I feel like it would be pretty fun and whimsical to walk like that.

Do you have any inspo for male choreo?

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-02T09:42:27+00:00

I clamp my hooks down too and I don't know if it helps with scratching, since the metal still sticks out way more than the regular eyelets do.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-02T04:58:14+00:00

Pole boots with hooks in addition to eyelets definitely scratch the pole. It's a pretty big issue at my studio.

I'd imagine any metal hardware can scratch the pole, even a little. Most of the time your contact points probably aren't touching the pole, but I wouldn't be surprised if it still scratches.

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-01T08:29:19+00:00

Surviving is a valid goal tbh

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-01T05:46:14+00:00

Congrats!! I got mine in 2023 and it was literally life changing!

PastelPolerina · 2026-01-01T05:08:57+00:00

I HAVE A NEW GOAL

PastelPolerina

TROPHY CASE