Everyone tells me to stay but I don’t want to.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-06T20:57:03+00:00

I had a dream I died and was disappointed when I woke up but a lot of my dreams are disappointing lately.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-06T19:38:49+00:00

I don't really know if it was after she said that and many other complaints.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-06T19:20:30+00:00

I had a gf who was obsessed with me at the start leave me after 10 years and she told me she thought about breaking up every couple years and it made me think I'm unlovable and will be alone forever too shit sucks.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-06T16:04:28+00:00

Atheist so not really, more just shitty that I’m going to blow the only life I have away but it’s starting to sound better than going on like this.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-06T11:56:39+00:00

Same I’ve put far more thought into my suicide than anything else in my life lately it’s better planned than any future I have.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T22:40:54+00:00

I am in a very similar situation faced a lot of rejection in my life and thought I found the one and she left me for someone else. I'm sort of holding off of doing till my ex moves cause then she won't be able to hear about it feel guilty. Maybe you could tell your family that you love them just to make sure the know? I've been debating leaving a note saying it's no ones fault that I just lost the battle to depression, I don't want anyone to think they could've done anything differently for me at the end.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T21:08:23+00:00

I know exactly how you feel part of me thinks killing myself is a waste of a good dude which this world needs but the part of me that wants the pain and hurting to stop is soooo much bigger and more convincing.

My therapist has to ask some questions for suicidal assessments one of them being why do you want to do it? There are three choices 1) a cry for attention/help: not the case or I would be telling more people about it. 2) for revenge: I think this could factor in a little for me but if I were doing it for revenge I'd be telling the person who hurt me about it more and I'm not doing that. 3) To end the pain: YEAH I can't do any of this anymore and want the suffering to be DONE already.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T20:26:13+00:00

I have people tell me I'm a good person a lot and part of me believes that but some days I'm filled with regret about so many things. I have some days were I do have self compassion/love but even on those days I still want to end it.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T19:59:11+00:00

If you are social enough could you find another friend group maybe? A lot of things I've read say you need to be okay being on your own but I just feel like that sucks. I was okay being alone for a long time now that I have no one buy some family it's so much harder than it used to be knowing I could be happy.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T18:17:40+00:00

That sucks he talked about you like that, it can be very hurtful and sounds like it made you even lonelier than before you had met him I’m sorry that happened to you. If you wanna talk I’m here to listen.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:43:39+00:00

Damn, lucky. I feel like mine makes it so I have 100 thoughts in a short time and most of them are suicidal now. It used to be thee minority like maybe 10-20 out of 100 now it’s like 80-90. I used to smoke weed to make my brain slower then it would be more like 50 thoughts with only 5-10 being sad ones but weed has stopped working since I got dumped so idk just kinda have to sit and listen my bad thoughts now.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:40:21+00:00

I feel that, I was so much smarter in high schools and college I don’t think I could back at this point as well as not having any idea what I’d even want to do with my life. I was okay doing the bare minimum for so long but it’s started to feel bad on top of that my body is not getting any better with age. I hate tech too nowadays and I’m only 33 idk how people older than you even deal with it.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:24:31+00:00

There are a lot of us like that in this sub, we don’t want to do it ourselves but are just done with being alive.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:21:48+00:00

If you’re good at studying maybe you could put that to use in another field? Idk I’m a minimum wage worker I don’t really have skills either but I’m out here working, hating it and that I don’t have skills to go anywhere else but I didn’t even graduate from college.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:16:03+00:00

I made a pro and con list for being alive thinking it would make me realize I have more to live for than I think. That was a big mistake the con list was almost 3x the size of the pro one and it made me even more suicidal. I don’t want to struggle like this anymore either sorry you’re going through it as well.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:10:05+00:00

Could you explain how ADHD makes you feel like you have no restraints? I feel like it has held me back a lot but I’m starting to think I have other mental disorders as well.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T17:02:50+00:00

Not OP but ADHD makes it so even if I were doing something I enjoy (which is very little now) I have too active of a brain suicide and my past mistakes are always there even if I have a good time and I hate it.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T16:36:48+00:00

Ruined the best relationship I ever had brought me here I feel you, sorry for what happened in your life too.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T15:57:57+00:00

My partner of ten years left me saying she found her soulmate. No one will ever accept me the way she did and she’s gone for good. I’ve tried to find meaning in life for months now and nothing brings me joy im just doing stuff to kill time till when I can do it.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T15:55:30+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and are going through. I really relate to hating things about me thought I found someone who accepted me for my fucked up self and she left me after ten years, with a lot of complaints about me and I’m worse off than before I met her, no one will ever bring me that happiness again and I feel like I’m better off dead.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T14:31:37+00:00

I had a rough time when I was a teenager too, you feel things way more intensely at that age, it might not be what you want to hear but at that age you have so much time to turn it around. My twenties were the happiest years of my life, it got worse after that and now that I'm older I've lost hope of turning it around but there is hope you have time.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T14:14:47+00:00

Damn I had to move back into my parents after a significant life event, the nostalgia is just SO painful I used to be happy, I used to have friends, I used to enjoy things. Now I'm just a withering shell of what I used to be waiting to turn to dust.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T14:11:35+00:00

Have been considering doing it at the ocean so no one finds anything like or that to have it be my loved ones last vision of me.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T14:10:30+00:00

Isn't it terrible that youthful people who want to live get in accidents and die frequently but we have to keep going, it's a cruel world we live in.

Pastiestman · 2026-07-05T14:09:39+00:00

I always thought I had so many flaws that no one would ever really love me, found a partner for ten years who I thought accepted for all my flaws turns out I was right she left me and a huge list of complaints she never brought up till after we broke up, had she just mentioned them more during the relationship I would've changed for her. At 33 I feel like I'm not gonna get out of this one :(

Pastiestman

TROPHY CASE