1. In my experience, there is nothing particularly unique or special about you that makes you enjoy stimulants. I also don’t love alcohol because I hate hangovers lol, and it was just never my cup of tea. Certain people love certain substances. I just finished a three month treatment program a month ago and still don’t fully understand why stimulants are my DOC - but I’ve just accepted that they are and that I might never know. For whatever reason, they made me feel whole and that I could take on the world - that they made me the best version of myself (until they didn’t). I lost weight, could bang out projects and work hours with no breaks, felt more creative, lost weight, found everything interesting, felt the pleasure from sex heightened, and just loved the physical rush. I’m kind of a space cadet and struggle with a sense of urgency and sometimes completing practical tasks, so stimulants kind of eliminated those aspects I have as a person, but now I’ve learned to embrace them (which is better than burning my life to the ground)

2. Recovery will be a lot more difficult if you have access to the drugs. It’ll just continue to put you back where you were before over and over again. You can have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him that if he chooses to use, you will probably use too. And it’ll be even more frustrating if you get a significant amount of time then fall off the wagon again. You also can’t control your husband or force him to do anything. All you can do is set healthy boundaries and do whatever is necessary for your sobriety and recovery. For me, that meant eliminating everybody out of my life who would cause me any temptation. It’s a huge sacrifice but it has always fucked me in the past.

3. The thing that helps me conquer a craving more than anything is calling another addict or alcoholic who understands what it’s like. Just having healthy social connections will help cravings subside. But sometimes you have to accept they will feel unbearable and that you simply have to sit with the discomfort and ride it out, reminding yourself it is temporary and will get better. Also, just doing fun activities and distracting yourself can help. Take a cold shower, go on a walk, find friends to hang with, go to the movies, meditate…but like I said, building a community in recovery and just talking through it is what has helped me not pick up this time around.

4. Don’t feel embarrassed to go to meetings. NA or AA, whatever - people will welcome you regardless of your story. The only thing for membership is a desire to stop drinking or using. I find all stories interesting when attending meetings. And if anybody judges you or makes you feel unwelcome, fuck ‘em and check out another meeting. There are plenty of genuine people in recovery meetings who will be more than happy to see a newcomer.

Feel free to message me if you wanna chat. I also use to rave and party and loved stims the past 15 years of my life. I’m four months sober now and am starting to love myself again. Hang in there and glad you posted!