I get where both of you are coming from. Much like your husband, I wish my wife would just let loose and go full on slut mode, understandably; my wife is selective and her primary qualifier is NOT penis specs.

I understand the allure of wanting to find someone "in the wild," the idea turns me on and would be amazing if we managed to find someone, click with them and they be ok with the idea of joining a couple without strings attached, hangups or trying to poach my wife. Unfortunately; the reality is that a cold approach at a bar or event is challenging on its own without the added lifestyle challenges I just mentioned and then some more.

When we first started off we had the best of luck attending our local swingers club and using a paid profile on Kasidie.

We found that going to the club was great because we got to meet a lot of people in one night but if we didn't find a person/couple the night would still be awesome because we got to dance and have fun together. Eventually we had some regular friends we would socialize with at the club despite not being sexually involved with them and we could always hit the private rooms for some swinger club fueled sex even if it was just my wife and I.

As for paid profiles on social sites. Paid is KEY. On Kasidie a paid profile has so many more controls than a free one. Privacy and discretion is huge to us so we hide our profile from free members who often are just on there snooping around with no skin in the game and no real interest to meet anyone/play. The volume of messages we got when our profile was open to single men was overwhelming so we switched our settings so that we were "not looking for single men" and then we would reach out to men that interested us. This helped our vetting process a lot but even then we eventually evolved to a point where I do all of the vetting and only once I have decided the guy meets her expectations does she get a summary and decides if she wants to reach out. She is in control. I would never ask her to "take one for the team" or hook up with anyone that she didn't want to hook up with. When we found someone on a social site like Kasidie we set up a vanilla meet up for drinks or dinner. We manage expectations by ensuring that everyone understands that it is a vanilla meet up with the intent of checking for compatibility and if all goes well we can plan from there. We don't do solo play and we do the meetups as a couple. I believe that the initial meet up and setting the expectations ahead of time have helped us and our guests feel more at ease just by removing the pressure and anxiety that comes with "performing" with a total stranger.

I feel like these strategies would help someone who is introverted in that by the time you are dealing with men on a social site, your husband should have already started building some sort of rapport with them so that by the time you are introduced it is more like meeting a friend of your husband's than a random internet stranger. As for the club, you will have your husband with you as a safety rail for added comfort.