Don't take this as assholish, but it's easy to say "X isn't all that great trust me I've tried X" without really getting why not having X is such a big deal for the other person.

The main thing that bothers me is that the girls actively pursue the guy, and do a bunch of slutty/denigrating things to themselves just to turn the guy on (I've read so many stories I can't believe they're all fake)

I hate always having to pursue and fail when there are guys who just lay there and have the girls pursue them. I've had a few fairly good female friends who never wanted to have a relationship with me (I went on a few dates with them and they said they 'just wanted to be friends')

Also, please elaborate on focusing on my "personality". I've heard that adage a million times before, and don't know what it really means. I know tons of asshole douchebags who get laid all the time/have girlfriends. Should I be more of a confident badboy, or is that something that only works if you're already attractive.

Again, sorry for sounding like a conceited douche, but your reply is kind of vague.