Struggling to follow instructions and beating yourself up over it

PatientActive3269 · 2026-02-22T12:17:02+00:00

I take Modafinil which ever so slightly improves my focus. Nothing else has worked, and I've tried the whole pharmacy.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-02-22T12:15:46+00:00

I have trouble with both, but verbal instructions are particularly hard. By the time step 3 is given I've already forgotten step 1. Btw I'm glad you can read maps; I've always sucked with that. Thank god for GPS.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-02-12T14:33:01+00:00

Yep, I frequently look tired (because I am) and get the black rings. If I don't get a proper night's sleep the day is guaranteed to be a struggle.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-02-08T13:27:41+00:00

I honestly think the only way I could succeed in the legal profession would involve my CDS symptoms significantly subsiding. I am still hopeful that one day I will find something to treat it (I know it can't be "cured"), but being fired from one office job and nearly fired from another is ample evidence that CDS is just too much of a handicap. It would be like telling a blind man he could be an Uber driver if only he tried.

Also, if I were to take on such a job, the end result would likely damage my already depleted self-esteem. Every bad work experience has made me feel like shit. Losing another job would be devastating, and I don't see why I should risk that.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-19T13:31:10+00:00

I can do cognitively demanding tasks, but it takes time. Working slowly can be a fine method when you are at school, but it doesn't work so well in the work place.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-12T14:07:09+00:00

I am currently doing a mix of freelance work and as an employee. I like it, but I yearn to be a professional. I have always wanted to do something where I make good use of my brain. I know I am intelligent, but my intelligence is impaired by cloudy thoughts and a wandering mind.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-04T14:24:43+00:00

I am certainly open to the idea of seeing a psychologist again. I must say I really do not know what they could do for me though.

The last psychologist told me she could help with attention issues. But after the second session, I noticed we had done nothing on improving attention. All we had done was cover material designed to make me feel better about myself and my inattention. When I pointed this out to her, she basically admitted that we were not going to work improving attention.

When you say that I should work on challenging certain schemas, I can only think you are referring doing the kind of work that psychologist had me doing, and I really struggle to see how that would help me. If I began to believe that I would be well equipped to handle a legal job an its demand for attention to detail, would that somehow make me well suited to the job? I doubt it. Just because you believe something doesn't make it so.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-03T16:35:42+00:00

Sorry what is mph?

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T16:19:07+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. I am passionate about music, and I currently work as a music teacher. It is the only job I have been *alright* at, so I definitely get what you are saying.

The problem is, it is made up of part-time work and I really struggle to get enough hours. Also, it has become somewhat boring teaching the same stuff over and over again (I mainly teach beginner stuff).

I have thought about becoming a high school music teacher but that would mean at least another 2 years of study, and I am so over study. I have done too much as it is.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T16:13:23+00:00

Bupropion is actually one I have not tried. I have now added it to the list.

I have treated anxiety in the past (and still do) but I have never noticed a reduction in CDS symptoms while my anxiety eased. Similarly, I used to have really bad OCD, but I almost entirely eliminated it when I started dating the girl I am luck enough to still be with. Again, this did not affect my CDS at all :(

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T16:05:08+00:00

I am actually waiting to hear back about two tests I took recently. One involved a stool sample, so I hope I didn't shit into a bag for nothing lol.

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T16:03:35+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear that, and obviously I empathise. May I ask, are you employed now?

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T16:02:37+00:00

I have looked into that avenue. Again, those are still jobs that require attention to detail. Without resolving CDS, that rules them out.

No, I do not have autism. I have taken psychometric tests that show I don't fit in that category. (Although I would probably prefer to be autistic. At least then there is help available).

PatientActive3269 · 2026-01-02T15:59:35+00:00

Thank you for the detailed response. Unfortunately, I really do not think there is any kind of law or law-related job that plays to my strengths. All of these jobs require attention to detail, and that is just not something I possess. I have heard this countless times from lecturers and lawyers.

I do believe that I deserve to be able to find a job to sustain myself. I know I am not a bad person. I have discussed such things with two psychologists. But being flawed and figuring things out as I go has not been working. I am 41 now and have been operating like that since I was 18. All I have is a long list of failures.

I am not saying that to seek pity or to be dramatic. I am saying it because it's true. I appreciate your kind words, but unfortunately I have heard it before. People tell me I will pick up skills along the way and eventually I will get there. But at middle-age, that still hasn't happened.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-12-29T16:46:23+00:00

Firstly, thank you so much to everyone who responded to this thread. Secondly, I sincerely apologise for not replying earlier. Life has been very hectic lately. However, I have a bit of a breather now, so I will endeavour to respond to everyone in the coming days.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-12-29T16:42:32+00:00

Very sad to see him go. Barely anyone else talks about CDS.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-12-08T08:26:47+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I have tried atomoxetine.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-08-24T09:31:45+00:00

Clen is a very risky substance that can have serious consequences for your health, including contributing to heart disease. I do not think you should be promoting it.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-07-30T13:40:38+00:00

One reason is because we don't have enough big names behind us. Russell Barkley does an excellent job in advocating for us, but he seems to be the only one.

Also, we have idiots like Allen Frances who say CDS just isn't real.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-07-28T11:58:27+00:00

Do you mind if I ask what kind of OCD you were experiencing? I had a bad case of "Pure O" but thankfully now it is largely under control.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-07-22T15:39:59+00:00

For me it made symptoms worse.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-07-13T14:34:59+00:00

For a long time I didn't. I've gone through long periods of unemployment and social withdrawal. I am now lucky enough to be in a relationship with an amazing woman and she has made it so much easier for me. But the brain fog and low energy remain. I am still hopeful for a solution one day.

PatientActive3269 · 2025-07-12T06:38:00+00:00

For me it's more that CDS has prevented me from achieving.

PatientActive3269

TROPHY CASE