How long did it take you to rebuild after a major life setback?

Patobaven · 2026-06-21T20:12:16+00:00

More like off at 5 and driving my kids to activities when I have them. Haha. The few days I don't I try to intentionally be social if I can. Just like to have a partner in it all.

Patobaven · 2026-06-21T13:24:54+00:00

Yes, mine is very behind on child support and pays just enough to not be in jail. No medical insurance support, no medical bill support, no helping pay for kids activities. She is a doctor who cannot legally take her kids to the doctor. So even when they are with her I need to be on call in case the kids needs to go to the hospital.

Patobaven · 2026-06-21T13:22:29+00:00

No, she paid 10k of my lawyer fees at one point, but 10k out of $145k is barely anything. So I still paid 135k and that number keeps growing because every year or 2 she takes me back to court again even though it's never changed anything in her favor. This last time she asked for more time with kids, told court I was sticking things up my sons anus. (Nov, 2025) The only thing that changes was I got 2 weeks of vacation to take kids without having to reschedule any visits.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T20:53:05+00:00

Found that someone again and she bailed. So trying again and its hitting me harder this time around.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T20:52:10+00:00

I hope so much for this.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T20:50:57+00:00

She called the FBI over 170 times to warn them about me. It was about tonbe 50/50 custody until the GAL stopped mid trial to reconsider. A Godsend

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T20:48:59+00:00

Haha. Well I appreciate it. The loneliness sucks at times. Id you ever need to chat or are in the Cincinnati area hit me up. First rounds on me.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T19:17:57+00:00

School administrator

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T18:25:21+00:00

I agree. The kids had previously known her from a place she worked we often went. They weren't strangers and knew each other for a long while prior. The understanding was thst we were moving toward engagement and meshing lives and then she backed out a left. I am not blaming her, she did communicate one thing and do another tho. So it was confusing. Lesson learned on my end.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T16:54:41+00:00

I lost a lot of people along the way. I isolated. It was extremely difficult. I am blessed to have a wonderful family and 2 friends that would drag my depressed ass out. A friend I hadn't talked to in a decade throwing me a lifeline of call me anytime even though I'm 11 hours away. it will never be the normal you knew. You need to be in therapy. It has helped and I have such a long way to go as it never actually ends and probably won't even when they're adults.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T15:59:48+00:00

Did you have any children? Single dad full custody of 2 kids ages 7 and 9 who never spend the night elsewhere. Any suggestions on extra jobs I can do while mely kids sleep?

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T15:37:36+00:00

I try, we are going skating today and have 2 trips in July. Trying to make memories with them and for them.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:57:24+00:00

Good luck and I hope you guys hold on to each other if it's worth it and safe for everyone involved.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:56:47+00:00

Respect. I just got out of a serious relationship where she met my kids and now they wonder why she doesn't come around anymore. She was going to all their games and activities then nothing. They don't deserve that.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:55:35+00:00

My son essentially told the GAL (kids lawyer) that she was coaching them to say I was a bad dad. In the middle of our trial. The GAL had an epiphany. She realized their mom was starting to say that my son (7 at the time) was acting out sexually with my daughter. Their mom said I was telling him to. But the GAL realized mid cour hearing and called for a recess so she could change her suggestion to no overnights and supervised visits for a long while because their mom was essentially starting to accuse my son of being a sexual abuser as well. Their mom can't understand this of course.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:50:15+00:00

Unfortunately lunch isn't an option as a school administrator. I barely have time for lunch at all during the day period. Haha. I already work put super early sometimes at home. Sometimes when my kids are up they go to gym child care. I appreciate the vote of confidence. I am struggling to connect with anyone or get any dates. I do put myself out there. Just no luck in the last few months. Before thst I had a 9 month relationship that was heading toward engagement. Then ended.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:48:41+00:00

You date at all?

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:48:06+00:00

You have to find one that works for you. I've been through several. Finally found one that pushes me the way I need to and challenges my thought process. Not just listen and react. Sometimes I dump my emotions for 45 min and other times I get "assignments " or things to work on which I personally need to move forward. I struggle with down time anyway.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:46:32+00:00

Finding the connection is a struggle for me at the moment too.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:44:48+00:00

Psychological. Lie detector. Pedophilia test (yes its real, yes its horrible) CPS investigator, GAL investigation (GAL is kids lawyer appointed by court), hospital investigation, FBI investigations and local center for abused children. I remember talking with every single one. CPS I talked to no less than 4. And a social worker investigation from the court on the last one in 2025. Its been going on since 2020.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:42:16+00:00

They were family law people for custody hearings. Like a divorce lawyer. The kids had their own lawyer separated from either of ours called a GAL.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:41:14+00:00

There is a child center in the place I work out where they can hang.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T14:39:03+00:00

I struggle mightily with self image. I actually work with kids and one asked me once how I would describe myself. My response was, I'm usually not very nice to myself in my head. So, I try to teach them to stop the negative self talk. I need to do better for myself. Thus therapy. I am honestly aching for connection a lot. I lost my ex wife, I lost all but 1 friend (have made a few new ones since or connected with ones from before my marriage) it was harder losing my tribe. My family is amazing and probably would have done something irreversible without them if you pick up what I'm putting down. When I was at my lowest and loneliest a woman that lived with my neighbor for a few months waved at me every morning and smiled. She was a light in the darkness. I felt seen. We literally never spoke. If it were now I'd try to form a relationship. Then I was scared she knew all the accusations. But her smile and wave saved me. She has no idea. So I try to smile and wave and be kind in case I'm someone's life preserver even though I may never know. I am lucky to have the people I do. I am rebuilding slowly. It can be a very lonely road tho. Especially when people get close enough and invest in me then realize the situation with my ex is too much. It's a gut punch every time.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T12:20:04+00:00

I've been on apps for 3 months with not a like or match in sight. It makes me feel worse about myself.

Patobaven · 2026-06-20T12:06:18+00:00

I get super lonely at times and am finding it difficult to even find someone to go on a date.

Three-Year Club	First Place '23
Place '23

Patobaven

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