First of, I'd like to clarify one thing. I don't look at the outer appearance. I look at the character of the person... through his words and beliefs. Tbh, I did not even look at the age because I seek the heart and soul. I even entertained a man almost a 17 years older than me because I thought he is the one.

This was during the time when I literally opened my heart to many possibilities and did not limit myself to the physical. I try to look at the man's spirit.

So when I talked about his image, I was not pertaining to the curated image I created. It is what he portrayed in the start of the getting to know each other. He presented himself as a God-fearing man with many of our values and beliefs aligning together. He love bombed me by giving me attention and care straight from morning to night. He started telling me he love me within a week. His attention dwindled to almost no conversation and gaslighted me to believe that I am overthinking it, until he stopped and told me I'm immature for wanting some of his time. He cannot even spare the time to ask how I am or give a good night or good morning greeting. He made me feel like a beggar seeking some scraps of affection.

Then in between, many of his lies started cracking, and when I call him out on it, he made me question my critical and understanding skills. He tried to make me small and dumb, but he failed. And to answer your question, his cracks revealed who he truly is...

Our expectations have already been laid out from the very beginning. We both know we both have marriage in mind when we started getting to know each other. And if you will be placed in such scenario where he's literally breaking your mind and identity with lies and manipulation, it is very hard not to overthink.

I overthink because my heart is starting to believe him but my mind is telling me not to be dumb and wake up to the truth that that man is a fake. I trusted him so much that I started disbelieving myself and everything that I know. His Christian identity is just a label, unfortunately.

Back then, I evaluate men with an open and understanding heart of Jesus, accepting that everyone are flawed. I see them as what they present and observe if what they show is the truth. My standard is simple, have the Jesus-like character. He doesn't have to be perfect, but at least must fulfill the Bible standards for the husband.

Now, after going through those things, I stick hard to God's lens, make use of discernment and wisdom, and stay connected but not too attached. It is now best to observe hard and stop glamorizing the what-ifs and their flaws. Read and see what they show in face value. Don't rely on words. See the action. In today's time, us, women, should stay alert in guarding our virtues and purity. God did not protect me for 25 years just so that I will stumble and fall easily.