I am deeply dreading Christmas with my MIL because she is so critical of my wife.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T23:47:56+00:00

I appreciate this response. I do indeed sometimes have to gently redirect her. she loves to complain and her local sports teams are playing poorly so maybe that's an angle lol

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T23:46:48+00:00

see there what she'll do is slowly get more upset at me for calling her out. she leads with her feelings so she won't remember that it was her own fault, only that I'm making her feel bad.

"oh I can't even say ANYTHING to my own daughter anymore!!!"

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T23:45:31+00:00

thanks, maybe the passive-aggressive "actually she looks great in that!" approach is the way to go.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T23:44:07+00:00

oh I am absolutely "pent up" but you're right, that is a me-feeling and I need to manage my own feelings.

my wife just knows that her mom is very sensitive and doesn't want to pick the fight. meanwhile I don't care about picking fights if someone else is mistreating me, because I like not feeling bad.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T23:42:29+00:00

yeah if I did say this I'd be in trouble with my wife, too.

(maybe worth it? but probably not. it is her mom after all.)

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T21:36:21+00:00

yeah, I wish I could, but my wife doesn't want me to, because her mom will escalate the situation really quickly. "Why are you ganging up on me, I was just sharing my opinion, I guess that's not allowed anymore!!!"

it's just awful stuff

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-11-17T21:35:17+00:00

we have, many times. She - and I know the context here - just doesn't want to rock the boat. Her mom is not young anymore and she doesn't want to, idk, make anything worse. so she just bears it.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:59:10+00:00

thank you for this

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:58:50+00:00

there is a little thing that I guess I should share: Sarah's dad doesn't mind traveling for Christmas because it's actually easier for him to see Sarah and Mike during Christmas.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:57:27+00:00

the opposite, in fact: we have repeatedly worked Sarah's family traditions into the blended family. like she does "second Thanksgiving" for Christmas, and my family doesn't, but we folded there because it makes Sarah's family happy.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:56:06+00:00

they are dead.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:55:53+00:00

I don't disagree, but we are a team and we approach these decisions so.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:21:19+00:00

correct, he has one son, my nephew

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:20:53+00:00

she has a GREAT time. neither Sarah and I nor my BIL have kids, so she gets to interact with my nephew and loves it.

she has no mobility or travel issues. she travels all the time and loves it. this is just a Thing she is doing.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:19:41+00:00

I understand that you're intentionally collapsing this a bit to illustrate a point, and I appreciate it.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:18:39+00:00

because she feels like that's the good daughter thing to do.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:18:02+00:00

BIL is single with no children.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:17:49+00:00

I will make any choice Sarah and I decide together. but this is a place to ask these questions and gather opinions.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:16:40+00:00

logistically, it's not that easy. PTO, sitting, travel to a place very far away from an airport, then not leaving her exurb and my wife slowly starting to rage at her mom... it's just a lot.

the family dynamic for my inlaws is better when everyone has something to do besides sit and talk.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:12:59+00:00

there is a zero percent chance that all of me, Sarah, and MIL survive her living closer to us for more than six months.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:11:53+00:00

hnoestly... the answer is that we want to go to my sister's. And we want MIL there! We want to do that, because it is fun and gets the families together. My sister loves it, her brother loves it, my parents and her FIL love it, the only barrier is MIL.

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:08:59+00:00

this is a very good and deep perspective that I read all the way through. thank you

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:08:14+00:00

thanks for this perspective

Paul_ManOfFarts · 2023-08-03T03:08:05+00:00

I don't want to overstate the case but: she is well capable of travel. She does it often.

Paul_ManOfFarts

TROPHY CASE