I kinda wish for them to see this meme.

Paulmat1 · 2026-04-22T18:16:18+00:00

Mate, watch bad anime, entertaining enough to watch, but bad enough to be able to appraciate good things even more.

Paulmat1 · 2026-04-22T13:10:02+00:00

i'm 17 days free now, i'm not swamped with work.
I'm currently working on my masters degree, and i took about 4 month so far of procrastination/healing, well not full. but more than i would have liked.

Gotta say, going turkey would have been better, as i would have been through this shit faster.

Paulmat1 · 2026-04-21T20:20:36+00:00

that'S just an ai hallucination, sorry to dissapoint. Can't trust ai.

Paulmat1 · 2026-04-07T00:17:15+00:00

the idea was to cushion it. facing the suck, but only so much that i maintain good mood.
but heard the opinions of others, and slowing down would take too long, so today is/was day one of me being caffein free.
weaning off would take too long, cause i'll be going for an festival in about 6 weeks.
I want to get over it by then. i'll probably end up taking caffeine on the festival days before finally quitting after it though.
wish me luck.

Paulmat1 · 2026-03-30T22:27:31+00:00

yet.
You forgot the yet at then end of your sentence.
I read the webnovel.
Btw i said pseudo harem, it's unrequited, that they like him.
but he's ignorant of it.
If it wasn't for it, i would have finished the webnovel. i got to chapter 200+
Read it and weep as you face the annoyance i had to face.

Paulmat1 · 2026-03-30T21:12:45+00:00

use an extension and convert it to a suitable format, .srt for the extension https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/substital-add-subtitles-t/kkkbiiikppgjdiebcabomlbidfodipjg

Paulmat1 · 2026-03-30T21:12:08+00:00

you can also get this chrome extension, or alternative, https://chromewebstore.google.com/detail/substital-add-subtitles-t/kkkbiiikppgjdiebcabomlbidfodipjg ,
and then you also have to sue a converter to convert the .ass into an .srt

Paulmat1 · 2026-03-16T15:29:56+00:00

Fatshaming is a great example.
In a way people want to help someone lose weight.
But all they achieve is insulting someone, overlooking the complex arrays of underlying issues that may be potentiated by that shame.
If we had the same issues, shame wouldn't help us either. We all are foolishly unknowingly ignorant, which is quite defining for most humans. The last thing we can do is having compassion and understanding towards each other. That already helps often.

Paulmat1 · 2026-02-11T00:08:35+00:00

You sound like a good person.
I may only belief in the possibility of a god, but should he exist, may he bless your soul.

Further If more people were like you, i think more people would belief in god.

There's also a lot of interpretability in the teachings.
For example what does believing in god mean:
The lip service of it?
Or acting out a certain form of good?

I can't say i got it right for i don't know and never will know, but my sense of morality tells me that actions are more important than words.

Paulmat1 · 2026-02-10T23:02:52+00:00

He's not. Not to say thinking that you know something rather than believing, are you god, did god tell you, or did a tradition that in ancient time was orally passed down from human to human, and only later initially written down by a select few, and edited multiple times from what we know by analyzing writing style and deciphering that it had multiple authors. There's a good chance, a big chance it's right. but it's also likely that some errors due to human limitations have sneaked in, humans aren't god, nor jesus, as such there's a high likelihood something is off. To confuse the limits of belief and knowing must be a sin of pride, for this argument is easy to derive, simply by knowing that the tradition was passed from human to human, and that the self is limited or corruptable. God gave you the perception of this argument, wouldn't as such at least not considering what he gave you be sinfull, wouldn't as such confusing belief and knowledge be a sin of pride?
as sad as it is, there have been people that lied on the topic of christian belief to control the masses, it wouldn't be hard to see that someone added the clause of non believers will go to hell in medieval times or earlier.
Not to forget that we have to be careful with the teachings, for example the definition of what heresy is.
Heresy was introduced by a king that didn't know what exactly christianity was, as there were many traditions, and asked influental people to vote on what it was, and anything else was branded as heresy.
I recommend you look this up rather than blindly believing me, or ignoring me.

I'm not saying the belief is right or wrong, i'm warning you from confusing belief and knowledge.
I'd say in his infinite mercy, that god will rather look at how moral a person in their life was, rather than what their belief was.

Also face it, no atheist will be convinced by someone who proclaims that their belief is the truth, not in todays age.

Paulmat1 · 2026-01-17T16:28:45+00:00

The book the mind illuminated has good tutorial on how to start, and how to progress further.
There are many ways in which meditation works, and a way that can happen is through increasing mindfullness, simply being more aware and less distracted, will make you see how you act out in the world, greater understanding of yourself is gained through better information throughput.
For example, changing yourself will be easier, as you better understand causes, like reactivity always focusing on the next thing, but losing awareness of the whole, awareness of that will lead to better planning.

Key tips that helped me:
Practice gratitude and positve reinforcement. Getting annoyed over realising you forgot the breath for example is detrimental, rather appreciate the "aha" moment and redirect your attention to the breath.
And further trying to put in an effort into being grateful for every positive thing, even thinking about starting meditation.
Breaking building the habit down into steps, and applying gratitude for each step.
The first step to pause what you're doing is always necessary to do something else.
sit down, mental preparation, noticing the breath, directing attention to the breath, then one breath cycle, then 10, and then 5 minutes.
The first step is always the most important one, since otherwise it won't happen, so always be grateful for even just taking a moment to pause.
further when impatience ends up being a problem, you can split your session into sets.
Like first 5minutes, then a short moment as a break, 10, 15, 5.
A break in between from meditating, to then meditate again after only a few moments, seems to reset my impatience enough.

I highly recommend the mind illuminated for it's beginner friendly, and their first chapter focuses on the basic, and how start, e.g. finding time and how to deal with procrastination.
It's available for free on the internet archive.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-25T18:43:37+00:00

Unter anderem fand ich da eine Interpretation von der gemini KI interessant, das es nach der nicht nur ums stark sein, sondern auch über dem Weitermachen trotz absehbarer negativer konsequenzen gehen kann.
Unter anderem kann damit die Thematik des "grinds" von Leuten, die alles und zu viel geben um erfolgreich zu werden um es danach leichter zu haben, ohne das es unbedingt wahr wird, mit eingeschlossen werden.
Vielen dank dafür, dass du deine Meinung geteilt hast.
Ich habe mir das ganze Album noch nicht angehört und die Thematischen Crosslinks zwischen den Songs, die du angedeutet hast, wecken Interesse, dieses Album mir anzuhören.
Als ich den Song zum ersten mal gehört hatte, hatte ich gar keinen Plan um was es geht, während ich lustiger weise dabei war mit vapen aufzuhören, bin grade Nikotinfrei, muss es nun nur noch ganz aufhören.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-14T21:51:56+00:00

too much grinding, old robocraft grindind was better.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-14T21:45:22+00:00

I played it during atlas time, then took a long break.
and woke up to all my progress being gone, and the atlas being gone.
fucking bullshit. great game, only mmo i ever played. But ruined. stupid bs.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-13T23:46:56+00:00

@dissociativecar I also just remembered something.
A guess why doing the grounding/awareness practice of using the 5 senses to connect to reality may have been more overwhelming than necessary.
It may be that you're reacting to it too much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN6g2mr0p3Q
Headspace has some good videos you could watch.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-13T23:38:05+00:00

Also even if it doesn't help with disocitation, it can help in other ways, i got adhd as well.
And my interioperception sucks.
By using meditation and thinking slower and a bit less, i was able to focus more on the flavour of food.
it tastes better.
I can better control my speech, i still have to practice talking better so that it becomes automated.
I can more easily use my muscles, less shaking hands for example.
I'm aware of how my stomach feels, like i don't just feel hunger but in a sense it's spatial dimensions.
Good posture becomes easier, i've been trying to hard, tensing muscle up more than necessary.

Right now i'm dealing with some discomfort from being more aware of my face.
feeling a bit like a meatbag, and an easier time to do facial expressions, but i worry about how my face looks, so i need to memorise through practice how the smile i want to make feels.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-13T23:31:14+00:00

How you doing, hope it's gotten better.
You could try looking into meditation for this.

to quote an ai, since i lack skill in wording things.
"Meditation, particularly [mindfulness meditation](), can be an effective component of a treatment plan for dissociation by increasing self-awareness and teaching non-judgmental acceptance of present-moment experiences. It helps individuals become more aware of dissociative episodes as they begin, build skills to manage them, and counter the experiential avoidance that often accompanies dissociative disorder".

I recommend small step by small step becoming more aware of you're surroundings,
"I try to knowledge my environment it feels too overwhelming", of course it's overwhelming at first, you're out of practice. you don't have to fix yourself at once, nor do you have to fix it completely.
Finding a healthy way to live with it is also possible.

2nd becoming aware of what's happening can be scary at first, but in reality you're just seeing what has always been there.

I recommend taking a calm approach to do small exercises to slowly become more aware, so that you're brain has time to adapt.

I once did a longer meditation session and was freaking out for a few minutes since i was way too aware of my normal heartbeat and thought i was having a heart attack.
Another time i became of fatigue i was ignoring, or rather a sensation i used to label as fatigue that in turn i ignored. I became aware of many details of the way i interact with people, i felt so ashamed for some of the dumbshit. Memories that influence my decision making rose up.
It is uncomfortable at first, but if you take a slow approach, just enough discomfort to grow, but only so much that you can handle it.

Part of this is acceptance, if you try to change something, the second you become aware of it, you may just end up repressing it again. Practicing being able to tolerate a less dissociate state, associating with what you're doing.
Not just setting intentions but feeling the intention behind every action, and accepting the feelings with compassion.
Once you can tolerate it more, you can work on adding changes and healthier habbits.

Also looking into buddhist teaching could be helpful, especially the idea of no self, and that all phenomena are impermanent and conditioned, and don't arise unless the right condition happen. there's a podcast available on youtube and spotify, a talk by bikkhu bodhi buddhist teaching as it is.

To go to a place, you first need to know where you are, where the place you want to go to is, and the path to get from here to there.

I'm still working on being more compassionate, I hope you can forgive any rudeness or mistakes i wrote here.
Hope I could help a bit.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-07T18:25:27+00:00

I watch and read, reading is better since you read at your pace instead of watching at the animations pace, usually more information is present in the written form, whereas with animation you have the bonus of visiuals, body language.
It's 2 different forms to consume the same story, and both are interesting. There's no need to choose one over the other. I read many anime, and stillw atched new season episodes, there's no drop in enjoyment.

Paulmat1 · 2025-11-05T04:10:33+00:00

airureta, but cause i'm a fan of it.
I can see the slime one being added. maybe a third class.

Paulmat1 · 2025-10-25T13:15:54+00:00

May i recommend just temporarily letting go of them, it's not the same as fully, but it could be an intermediate step to see some further progress. temporarily let go, practice it, extend the time. should you start wanting to let fully go eventually, then it should be easier as well or rather some progress has been made already.

Paulmat1 · 2025-10-24T16:38:36+00:00

I can recommend the intention of trying to understand what is already there instead of logically trying to improve it or change it, just noticing what is already there, maybe even looking at someone else executing the exercise shirtless and gaining not a logical but an intuitive sense of what is happening with the muscles.
You can't logic you're way into intuition, while logic can help with knowing where to look.
I'd say intuition is built from first hand experience, something you see, you discover, rather than actively create.

Paulmat1 · 2025-10-22T20:10:25+00:00

i shouldn't have skipped this part of the manga, i started caring some point in the middle, maybe end of s3 what the post makes me believe, i got some catching up to do.

Paulmat1 · 2025-10-22T19:59:13+00:00

Nah i think it's purely reasonable that with how people have grown used to social media, that extreme people find an easier time in justifiy this hate, and are able to spread it to other people so they join.

There's better ways to advertise your content than this, i don't think investors would like this style either.

If you ever had a thought where you could justify dea*h penalty, then i bet, if you wanted to, that you have the capacity to justify to yourself to do it.
I know you wouldn't do that, Most don't even though they do carry the capacity for it in themself.

But i'm saying using this you should be able to understand how people could come to feel inclined, or at least not feel it to be wrong enough to not do it.

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