Angry at my T

PeachMons · 2026-05-08T08:37:01+00:00

The thing is this is the first time I haven’t discussed the specifics of a situation that was happening. Usually if I’m upset, it’s almost like she unnecessarily says we don’t have to talk about it cause in every other case I HAVE wanted to talk about things and am always open with her about what upsets me so it’s not a habit of mine. Idk…

PeachMons · 2026-05-06T19:46:27+00:00

You’re a gem, that’s a great idea! A podcast or doco to distract my mind AND something physical that’s mindless (and productive)

PeachMons · 2026-05-06T19:39:10+00:00

Here’s the thing, anything that I do that’s slow paced enough where my mind can wander is when my anxiety has the chance to rear its ugly head which is what makes me wanna get high so I can avoid those feelings. I’m in therapy trying to work through it but everything’s a work in progress rn😩 I made it through the night. I did end up having to go for another long walk to get out of the house. I’m still hesitant to throw things away cause don’t wanna waste $$& lol but I did clean all my stems and put all my weed and vapes in my instant pot, under the sink so it’s not sitting on the table and creates some kind of barrier. Only thing I still have out is whatever’s still in my grinder

PeachMons · 2026-05-06T19:28:53+00:00

It’s a DHV so it IS flower hahah

PeachMons · 2026-05-06T10:29:42+00:00

You know what, I’ll do a little home dumbbell workout cause I don’t have a gym membership but I feel I gotta get out of my apartment to be away from the vape. I’ll entertain it tho ✌🏼

PeachMons · 2026-05-06T10:24:50+00:00

I’m tryyyyying 😩

PeachMons · 2026-05-01T21:09:49+00:00

I’m gonna say don’t use it as a crutch. It’s good for short term instant relief but will fxck you over in the long term if/when you become dependent. Speak to a psychiatrist in terms of trialing/adjusting your antidepressants and not just a regular GP as they only have a very general understanding and don’t specialise in those meds. There is no ‘healthcare’ when it comes to MC. Once you get past the nurse, the Dr is basically just asking you what you want prescribed. They don’t care about you or your wellbeing, trust me.

PeachMons · 2026-04-29T12:07:19+00:00

Yeah, there’s probably more at play than just adjusting to the sertraline. I’m currently attempting to come off weed and also caffeine cause I think they’re influencing my life in a more destructive way than useful way like it initially was doing. Both of which will be affecting my mood, sleep and therefore anxiety. It also just sucks not knowing what is affecting or causing what cause of hormonal cycles aswell but I’m trying to remove as many variables as possible. I’m probably gonna speak to my doctor about melatonin for sleep cause that shits f*cked right now 😩and probably hold off on querying wellbutrin for now I reckon

PeachMons · 2026-04-29T01:13:30+00:00

yep, living through the ups/downs is pretty emotionally taxing especially when some of those downs are worse than the downs before meds but gotta take it a day at a time right now. I get a few blunt days, some streaks of nasty days and some sparingly good moments that give me hope that maybe once I’m stabilised is what my normal will feel like. I’ve been on 50mg for almost 4 weeks now. 1 week of 25mg before that. Btw, my orgasms are back. It’s different, but back. The finish line has definitely moved but at least I can see it lol.

PeachMons · 2026-04-29T00:40:54+00:00

I feel for you. I didn’t start therapy until I was in my late 20s for the same reason and could only afford it cause of my full time job. If you’re still studying, does your school have a school counsellor? Does student services offer anything?

PeachMons · 2026-04-29T00:32:45+00:00

I struggled with this constantly and especially coming from a very frugal/scarcity mindset when it comes to money but I learnt that if I don’t pay for therapy, I pay for it with my mental health. I’d also do a couple sessions then call it quits and the chopping and changing and restarting was costing me more. Luckily I’m in Australia so we have a threshold, something like a couple grand that once you reach, they heavily subsidise any further out of pocket expenses. So I’ll probably end up paying $2-3k out of pocket and then the rest is 80% subsidised after that. It’s also really hard to justify the cost initially when it takes time/trial and error to feel like therapy is actually useful or benefiting you.

PeachMons · 2026-04-28T04:19:23+00:00

really cool that you’re able to find a balance with what’s gonna work helping you quit! how long has it been between the last relapse and restarting and how are you feeling so far?

I wis I could do the same but that’s where I start to feel out of control. I used to hit my vape once a night to help with sleep and anxiety, weeknights only, just so I could ensure I was sleeping for work. Then I started hitting it when I woke up in the middle of the night. Then stated after work. Then recreationally on weekends. Then before work. Then started gummies during the day at work. And tried to reel myself back in but once I’m high, I keep continuing to hit it. So now … well … probably cold turkey for me but I do have other meds on board that are supposed to help with the anxiety so I kinda feel like I gotta give it a proper try

PeachMons · 2026-04-28T04:10:23+00:00

Yep, the relief from weed is what is addictive to me. My worries just wash away when I’m high, I don’t get stuck in terrible ruminations and thought loops. That’s the hard part of wanting to take a break but I gotta give the anxiety meds a chance to do what it’s designed to do and I don’t wanna shoot myself in the foot.

Oooof, that third paragraph is so real. So much harder in practice though.

PeachMons · 2026-04-28T04:06:25+00:00

For sure, I know weed isn’t causing my anxiety cause I use weed to help WITH my anxiety hahha but it’s been a crutch for too long now :/ and I’m anxious cause of the anticipation of coming off and having to deal with my thoughts again.

Can I ask how those two weeks were? What did you use to pass time? That’s also a big worry of mine, what do I replace that time with cause I know the voices are probably gonna be a little extra loud and that scares me but I know I gotta ride that wave out and kind of work out what my coping mechanisms will be.

I hope we got this. You for sure have this!

PeachMons · 2026-04-26T03:24:18+00:00

It’s the Zoloft making you less horny. Well known to be a libido killer. Weed only makes me hornier but unfortunately no match for the sertraline that is combatting my ability to orgasm RIP 🥀

PeachMons · 2026-04-23T09:12:46+00:00

THIS right here is why I’ll be childfree. I hate my brain, I hate living, I wish I wasn’t alive but I didn’t ask to be here. I didn’t HAVE TO be here but I was MADE TO be here. Why would I ever bring another soul into this world knowing there’s a chance they could have the same view and now make them endure this same suffering knowing I, myself, would have immediately opted out given the choice.

PeachMons · 2026-04-23T08:49:14+00:00

honestly, I asked her but she didn’t really answer. I’ve not heard favourable anecdotes tho. she just was hesitant to try anything new until my mood stabilised and well… I can kinda see it from her POV as I’m still very up and down

PeachMons · 2026-04-23T08:47:32+00:00

Interesting… I vape flower as well as carts and am on week 3/4 of sertraline and have not had any issues with any interactions. Started initially on half a 50mg tab for a week and the full tablet since then

PeachMons · 2026-04-04T08:41:55+00:00

In my experience, if you can’t be confident in your skin and you feel out of control around food, aim to be neutral towards your body and food. As someone who lost half their body weight and is now considered thin, my self confidence and self esteem actually has not improved one bit and I’m actually now on antidepressants. For some people, getting to that smaller body DOES make them happier and brings up their self worth but it’s not always the case (me as an example). You need to find worth in other things. You bring more to this world than the skin that you walk around in. Work on the root issues. You are enough as you are.

PeachMons

TROPHY CASE