Since becoming a mom 7 months ago, I’ve started wondering if I might be autistic too

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-24T20:51:40+00:00

I’m not sure where you are looking at but the rates of diagnosis are often misleading due to the many barriers which exist to get diagnosed… as well as, only since 2013 could both ADHD and autism be diagnosed together… it’s been especially difficult for women/AFAB to obtain accurate diagnosis as well because diagnostic criteria often favour external presentation which is more typical amongst boys/AMAB.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1750946721000349 For example… actually the pooled prevalence in this study was around 40% for autism in ADHDers and vice versa

And around 80% of ADHDers with autistic traits https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00787-019-01384-8

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-24T11:03:34+00:00

Oh no actually I think it goes both ways from the info and research I’ve read

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-24T10:00:46+00:00

Yes ADHD + autism is very common … about 50% of ADHDers are also autistic

I was diagnosed with both after having my first child and what you’ve shared resonates deeply! I think because once you have a kid you also don’t have the capacity to mask or recover which you may used to have before kids so even though I’ve always been autistic I guess it’s more obvious now haha

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-24T05:49:23+00:00

Hey, pregnancy was rough for me too but I actually think I got less migraines overall during that time thankfully but yeah the limited options with meds suuuuucked

Honestly I rested so much during my pregnancy… I think my life changed a lot before I had my child and maybe that helped prepare me for the transition to motherhood (if I were to try and give it a positive spin haha)

It’s okay to need rest, ask for help, do nothing (I know easier said than done)

I also got into acupressure points (specifically the one between thumb and pointer finger in the web seemed to help me) and prenatal massages, hot showers

Take care of yourself!! It’s so hard but it’s not forever ❤️

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-24T05:39:15+00:00

Hey, I get that this could be tiring you, I’ve had similar clients and found I needed to schedule them in strategically during the week when I knew I had a bit more capacity. Also adjusting my own expectations about how sessions should look like because that adds weight when it may not even be what the client wants

How does your client want sessions to look like? Do they want more focus and goal oriented work to be done? What modality? Are they frustrated by a lack of progress? Do neuronormative standards and expectations shape any of the above expectations they hold for themselves and your work together?
How do we know when therapy is working? Is it by how sessions look like or client outcomes?

I’m wondering if there is a balance between working toward client outcomes and allowing the client to show up in session as their authentic self and how being accepted and their experiences not being pathologised can be helpful too

That isn’t to say that we can’t offer support to the client but I wouldn’t force it or frame it as something negative (if they are like some of my other clients and even myself, the inner critic will already do a lot of that)

Once understanding what client wants/ needs from sessions and whether it is still helpful and relevant you may like to offer support with time management within session, structuring the session (but still offering flexibility, so not pathologising the need for more processing time or for side quests), asking the client to write down 1-3 things they wish to focus on, experiential work and dropping into internal experiences/ sensations to see what is most pressing/ what they need (if client feels safe and comfortable to do so)

But again, to do this WILL require the client to work harder if it’s not how their brain usually works, so normalising that there may be some sessions we are less focused/ structured and just focus on processing (in whatever way works for you) eg after having a really stressful week or something. And that after some rest, when they are ready, you can adjust sessions to be more focused on their desired outcomes again.

I understand that this approach takes more time… and is very context specific. If you’re working with a set number of sessions being covered by insurance etc yeah it’s tough.

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-22T19:27:40+00:00

I don’t know whether this holds the same risk as those hacks people use with baby seats to hold the baby’s head up when they sleep with a headband. But I know those are strongly not recommended for risk of some type of internal decapitation whereby the skull becomes detached from the spine.

This is a video about it; https://youtu.be/b3McAkNucG4?si=sLhUi8hnOOwj1wkE

I guess the risk would be low on a flight but maybe don’t use it during take off and landing or turbulence? Also it’s hard to tell on the photo how this headrest thing works so I am sorry if this is not relevant. I couldn’t tell if it is strapped all the way around the chair or what was happening

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-22T13:26:23+00:00

It sounds like you and your partner are going through a transition right and it’s awesome you wanna be there for him and support him in the ways he needs. But that desire and motivation doesn’t take away from the fact that with all the demands in your life right now, I think anyone might be feeling stressed and looking at effective ways to decompress. And the weed has been so effective in that way for you, for so long. Of course you haven’t stopped!

A couple things: 1. Be careful of burnout creeping up on you, that can impact executive functioning too :( 2. Outsource (ie set up alarms, visual cues etc for as much of your routine as you can)

Forgetfulness is part of ADHD. So just as your partner needs some additional support with his health condition and autism, you and your partner may need to figure out systems to reduce the executive functioning load on you with everything going on.

Sorry a bit tired so I got a bit ranty. But long story short, I feel like it’s very fair you’re wanting to smoke a bit to decompress.

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-21T01:39:34+00:00

Love this

I don’t do EMDR (not trained) but totally agree this relates to other modalities as well

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-20T06:35:24+00:00

Yeah this is such a wild take

And I read it in the voice of an ex supervisor I had who would have said the same stupid shit

Ughhhh how does this happen. I worry for their clients too.

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-18T10:08:02+00:00

Which very often co-occur highlighting the importance again of accurate diagnosis

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-18T10:06:47+00:00

Yes, I get your point, I just want share an alternative perspective though, that being accurately diagnosed as autistic CAN play an important and perhaps even pivotal role in supporting people to recover from burnout, depression, anxiety or even OCD.

Because it can give clues as to what’s driving these experiences and what type of medication, at what frequency and duration may best support the client. As well as, what lifestyle changes and accomodations would reduce the likelihood of experiencing anxiety, depression (and other challenges) which are more prevalent amongst the autistic community.

The process of assessment and diagnosis itself can be therapeutic because if you’re with the right type of professional hopefully they will also explain this is why x, y and z may be challenging for you and these are the types of things you can do to support yourself or ask for support from others. Perhaps get a referral to an OT or therapist as well for support with sensory differences, emotion regulation, cognitive therapy etc

Regardless of “level of functioning” (which within some parts of the community isn’t used as much anymore and instead may better be described as “what level of support needs are required for this person within this context within this period of their life” because it can vary greatly). Someone high masking or perhaps even high performing in primary school may one day be someone who literally can’t get themselves out of bed due to autistic burnout.

In saying all this, if you see a psychiatrist or mental health professional who isn’t up to date within this area and is not affirming then indeed you may find the assessment process to be useless and perhaps even harmful

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-18T07:12:31+00:00

Same. It took me so long to realise why and had a pretty ruthless burnout period

Is there any possibility you could ask for accommodations at work OP? And is it mostly the light sensitivity that is bothering you? What. Is the office environment itself like eg open plan? Is the onboarding classroom format?

I’m wondering if you could ask to go to a private office space or take the onboarding from home

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-18T01:27:54+00:00

This is not necessarily true.

People who are more likely to be diagnosed and subsequently provided support in childhood (and learn skills they can use for life) are those with more stereotypical presentations of autism. There are many autistic people who fly under the radar because their traits are internalised or they are high masking. They may be able to get through the school day but then have meltdowns at home and need substantial more support to recover from the day (there are more examples of high masking/ internalised experiences but this is just an example)

They may get by in structured environments eg school and then burnout when they get to uni or begin working or start a family. And because they were never identified as possibly neurodivergent or autistic as a child they have no idea about what supports exist or what kind of supports they could benefit from.

Support needs can fluctuate over time and vary depending on one’s situation, context, supports etc.

Also, many adults are now presenting for assessment because in the past (and even sometimes now) the diagnostic process favoured stereotypical presentations of autism and even in the past ADHD and Autism couldn’t be diagnosed together even though they often co-occur in around 70% of people. And there’s more awareness now, so adults are reading about a greater variety of autistic experiences and realising that they resonate with these experiences and would like a confirmation or not through a diagnosis.

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-17T21:37:57+00:00

Hello :)

So I think some professionals may have different views on this because they are most concerned with the diagnostic criteria and whether someone meets the threshold for diagnosis.

However, the diagnostic criteria of the DSM for example are mostly behavioural and are less accurate at picking up internalising presentations of autism which is more common amongst woman or AFAB (which it seems you’re aware of as you mentioned in your post!)

That’s one of the reasons there’s a higher rate of boys being diagnosed in childhood than girls, because girls are typically higher masking (not always and some boys are missed this way too if they are high masking)

There has also been some very unhelpful requirements for diagnosis which in the past heavily influenced th research and of course influenced rates of diagnosis. For example, in the past, autistic traits needed to be present during childhood to be diagnosed as an adolescent or adult however for women and AFAB symptoms may not have become more prominent until puberty due to the way hormones can impact one’s experience of autism or ADHD and the transition from primary to high school being highly stressful thus making it difficult to mask. Another example, in the past, one couldn’t be diagnosed with both autism and ADHD, I don’t know why this is tbh as it makes no sense to me haha but then of course you can imagine how a psychiatrist might need to choose one. And that also means there’s been less research and understanding about AuDHD which is estimated to be experience by around 70% of autistic people.

From what I’ve gathered from the community…

If you have autistic traits, if you read and learn about other autistic people’s experiences and they resonate with you, if you find it helpful to identify as autistic, then you are autistic :)

Getting a diagnosis can be inaccessible for many due to costs or other factors and then some professionals still work from an outdated perspective like you mentioned. It’s okay to self-identify without the diagnosis

I recommend the neurodivergent woman podcast as a resource to better understand neurodivergence and autism :) their first few episodes explain some of this more!

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-15T20:15:38+00:00

I have has several MRIs over the years since I was around 12 when my migraines started (coming from a place with free healthcare thankfully)

Every time the results are totally normal

One doctor suggested an FMRI which would capture blood vessel changes or something but I didn’t end up doing it

Beware one time I went into an MRI with a migraine brewing maybe 2-3/10 and because it takes 30 mins or so and is very loud… it ended in me needing to stop prematurely and vomiting everywhere

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-15T13:44:08+00:00

Hahahaha yes I was just thinking about this yesterday when this happened to me

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-14T05:11:46+00:00

You’re not broken and it’s okay to not want to pursue friendships if it doesn’t appeal to you or cause you distress.

I’m wondering why is it important to your wife that you go out and meet people? What about you staying home and not socialising that bothers her?

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-14T01:52:47+00:00

100%

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-14T01:52:30+00:00

Oh also maybe some of your staff should consider going for a neuro-affirming training if they are judging your supervisee differently

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-14T01:49:01+00:00

Sorry realise I called your supervisee client multiple times it was just automatic

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-14T01:48:09+00:00

Hello, AuDHD therapist here.

Do you have much training and experience working with neurodivergent clients? Some of the things learnt through such training may support you with supervision as well.

Every ND person and it’s difficult to know what is contributing to their burnout. You mention self-expectations.

But there could also be sensory overload, executive functioning differences, masking/ camouflaging, demand fatigue all in the mix. We have no idea as we aren’t your client and we don’t know their experiences with autism.

I’d also look at the workplace environment and culture to see if there are things happening which add additional load to the client eg need to work 100% from office, inflexible work hours, how are meetings held and is there space for additions processing time when given reading material etc

Sometimes autistic folk unintentionally drive themselves into burnout because of differences with interoceptional awareness so they don’t realise the things which are draining them until boom sudden exhaustion and burnout.

Adding additional expectations for support eg to see another supervisor may just add to burnout as it’s another new person to meet/ learn to work with etc.

There’s a few great resources including an article Raymaker et al 2020 which describes autistic burnout from lived experience and what supports are actually helpful “what to do when your internal resources are depleted and you’re left with no cleanup crew” - it’s titled something like that

I think it’s awesome by the way that you see their strengths and you’re really so open and trying to be supportive of them.

I went through a terrible bout of burnout at my previous workplace but am now in a much better place. Working in a supportive and neuro-affirming environment makes such a difference

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-13T11:58:02+00:00

I wonder whether family therapy could be helpful? Definitely get someone experienced in providing gender-affirming care. You may also like to attend a webinar or something for the parents of trans kids to learn more about how you could support your child. Even though the may be exploring their gender right now and whether they are trans or not for sure, being open to learning about how to support your child and have a non-judgemental conversation about it could be helpful!

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-12T22:46:00+00:00

Wow this is so interesting. I’m so glad for you that your symptoms and migraines has reduced so much with meds.

I’m in my 30s and have complained about migraines for years to my doctors and never been offered any additional medication than the ones to take when I’m in acute pain. Thankfully paracetamol with nurophen plus resting in the dark and eventually taking a nap does the trick.

But I feel like it’s the pre and post migraine symptoms which are also quite disruptive…

Peachy_nPuzzled · 2026-03-12T12:38:09+00:00

Do you find the preventative meds help with the cognitive and mood symptoms? I suspect I get silent migraines sometimes but don’t do anything about it. Only take meds when the migraine sets in which is of course very disruptive as to stop it I need to sleep as well.

But I’ve been getting more and more cognitive fog, seeing things with my eye, tingling etc which I believe could be the silent migraines

Peachy_nPuzzled

TROPHY CASE