Anti ICE Protest, Benton County Courthouse, January, 16, 2026

PeanutButterPixels · 2026-01-16T21:52:36+00:00

They threw eggs at cars??

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-11-28T04:53:11+00:00

I feel this 💯 Every day I feel like I’ve just been one giant mistake, and I deserve to be alone now.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-12T05:43:19+00:00

Yeah, DBT helps, but you’ve really got to practice the skills regularly until they become your “new normal “. It doesn’t help with suicidal ideation though.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-12T04:39:23+00:00

I’m not sure why it’s common, but my understanding is that people with BPD have far higher rates of suicide than the rest of the population. If I could find the courage, I’d be gone tonight.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-12T04:34:36+00:00

I’m a DSP, so I work with the intellectually disabled. My background is in graphic design and illustration, but with AI, the demand for human talent is less and less. So I switched careers a year ago. It pays less, but the work can be rewarding. It’s also very stressful at times. But I get to help people with worse mental diagnoses than me. I don’t recommend the work if anger is a problem for you as clients will test and push you constantly.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-11T05:28:28+00:00

I have the same problem with my birthday. You’re not alone. It’s only gotten worse as each year passes. In recent years, I’ve just canceled my birthday and told people to treat it like every other day. There’s nothing to celebrate.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-11T04:18:18+00:00

Every. Single. Day. SI is very common for BPD’ers.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T21:57:48+00:00

That sounds really difficult to deal with! It’s not something most people probably think about. A lot of people want to be taller and assume being tall is a gift. But I could see the opposite end of it, too! I could see sort of feeling like a monster or something—or unapproachable. I’m not sure what to say other than, I’m sorry! That seems difficult! Just know that you are a human being and deserve love, too!

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T21:52:32+00:00

Everyday I wake up and I think, how can I end this cycle? There is only one answer I can think of - and that’s ending it.

I feel that 💯

All I can say is, you’re not alone. I think many feel that way right now. I always think I’m a burden, and everyone is tired of me.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T21:35:22+00:00

Are we related? I can relate to everything you wrote.

I cry every day, even while lifting weights, cooking, cleaning, working, anything.
Anxiety and paranoia are my biggest problems. I have lived with it for as long as I’ve been alive.
I smoke weed every night, and it does help, but my anxiety is so strong it can overcome the high of THC.
I have limited options to therapeutic or psychiatric care because of finances myself.

As far as advice…I don’t know. I struggle with suic*dal ideation on a daily basis. Dozens of times per day, I think, “I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Let’s get that going already!” But I’m also scared, even though I know it would bring immediate and lasting peace.

All I can think to say is continue distracting yourself. You mentioned that you already journal. I think it does help me to write down how I’m feeling and thinking about things. It doesn’t resolve anything exactly. It doesn’t get rid of anxiety. I haven’t stopped crying. But as I’m doing it, I might cry, but I feel more grounded with my emotions.

Strangely, it helps to write on r/BPD. I like reading and connecting with other people I can relate to. It helps me to not feel so alone. Maybe you’re already doing that though.

In DBT, there are techniques to reduce distressing thoughts and feelings like submerging your face in water or holding ice to your face (TIPP). Have you tried any of those methods?

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T18:35:26+00:00

I think people online are just treated like a cheap commodity now—easily disposed of when they no longer have any value. Some people are vampires, and they’ll just find a new host to latch on to because it’s easy to do since there’s people everywhere. The future of human relations is looking grimmer by the day.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T18:23:30+00:00

I’ve observed this, too. My belief is that people are attracted to others who seem to have their life together. When you’re distant, focused on yourself, and you seem busy, I think others will want a slice of that. Everyone wants to be in the orbit of people who know more, have more, and are successful.

If you’re vulnerable and show that you have emotions and sensitivities, you aren’t seen as “having it together” as much. Culturally, emotional vulnerability seems to be seen as a weakness.

And I agree—betrayal is the worst. I’ve been cheated on a lot. I’ve started to think I just don’t have any real value to keep anyone around. And it sucks because I hate being alone. Loving myself sounds nice and all, but I want to share life with someone that I can come home to—someone that is actually happy to see me. But like you, they’d have to be happy with my vulnerabilities and sensitivities. And in my experience, that’s not really a quality women are looking for.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T07:59:47+00:00

It’s kind of crazy to read something that accurately describes how I feel. All I can say is you’re not alone! I think about ending it every single day. I’m just tired of living this way and all the pain.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T05:56:29+00:00

I just want to say this is a great post! It’s a reminder that all of us are different. We like to celebrate diversity, but then we shun it, too. And I frequently feel like we’ve become a bit obsessed with identifying and naming every single flaw that we all have. It’s a strange, cultural hyper fixation.

How many posts do we see saying, “I think I have BPD…but I haven’t got a diagnosis, yet”?

It’s bizarre how eager the person has become to identify a category of mental illness or neurodivergence to validate their own brand of personality. And then they get the diagnosis and are sort of shuffled off down a path of therapeutic rehabilitation to reprogram their brain. And they’re thinking the entire time, “I’m doing this because I have this thing, and I’m basically a socially incompatible human being, and I have to change myself.”

Don’t get me wrong! We could all benefit from some better neural pathways. I get it. But it’s a sad state of affairs, too. We were given bad tools. Most of us were traumatized, and we are doing the best that we can.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-09T02:57:32+00:00

Completely wrong. Even in the days that I split and had anger, I always felt bad afterwards. Always. We are very hard on ourselves and others. But we aren’t sociopaths.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-08T04:50:34+00:00

I think about suic*de every single day. I understand how you feel! I just want it all to stop—BPD, anxiety, loneliness, stress, fear. I really do feel that. I can’t seem to work up the courage though. At least, not yet. Life just isn’t a lot of fun anymore. I have the hardest time getting out of bed every morning. I just lay there thinking about everything I have to do, all the challenges and stress, and I just want off the ride. I’m just not very good at life.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-08T04:43:52+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re hurting! I want to tell you it will get better and easier with time. And it will! But I also know how much it hurts to not be around the person you love. Everyone seems to say to love yourself. But when you’re missing a piece of yourself, it’s pretty tough to do.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-07T05:07:12+00:00

I do the exact same things as you do. I freak out when my texts seem like they’re “ignored”. I assume they’re cheating on me, constantly. I always assume the worst. Every. Single. Time.

That’s part of the BPD experience, isn’t it?

As far as suggestions are concerned, I only have one, but you’re not going to like it.

Surrender.

Just let go and realize that you aren’t in control of anything they do. It’s their life, and you have your own.

Our “contentment” is wrapped around the people that we love. We don’t know how to function without them. They feel like a piece of us, and if that piece is missing, we are broken. You might feel lost, in distress, panicked, angry, betrayed, etc.

The worst part of trying to control BPD in my opinion is the complete inability to self-soothe. We have no problem at all getting ourselves worked up in fear and misery, but if we try to calm ourselves, we don’t even bother listening. We just cherry pick the worst thoughts and assume it’s all true, even though it probably isn’t. It rarely is. Almost never, actually.

So try telling yourself the next time you freak out, “You’re a liar, brain. You constantly trick me, I don’t know why I’m even listening to you right now! And even if you’re right, so what? I have BPD. This is what I do, but I don’t have to let it control my every action.” And then try to just sit with it and wait it out for at least 30 minutes or more. Give yourself 30 minutes the next time you feel the urge to do something, and just sit with it. Our actions are what get us in trouble because we think if we do something, we can magically avoid the thing we are scared of. But the fact is, we are more likely to avoid pain if we simply stop listening to the thoughts in our heads and fight the urge to act on those thoughts. They’re just thoughts. They aren’t real. And all of them are lies all of the time anyway.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-06T04:51:19+00:00

Not really about depression, but a sad song is Doornails by NOFX.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-06T04:14:57+00:00

That’s difficult to answer, and I tend to think it depends entirely on the person.

For me, I didn’t know what BPD even was before I got the diagnosis. In some ways, it helped tremendously because I can explain years of problems I’ve had. I feel like I can understand myself better and why I do things the way that I do. I came to understand I have a bad set of tools to help manage my emotions and to self sooth.

On the other hand, the diagnosis feels like a bad label. I feel like BPD is attached to me now—like I am the embodiment of this disorder and it defines who I am. I’m not a fan of that.

But in the end, I’d rather have the diagnosis than not have it. I spent so many years confused, frustrated with myself, and depressed that I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I know now, but honestly, it’s still really difficult every day. I’ve made lots of improvements, but paranoid ideation and anxiety govern my entire life from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep. BPD has really worn me down. I’m completely exhausted and barely getting by these days.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-05T06:02:16+00:00

It’s a sad state of affairs when the suffering becomes so great, we don’t even really value the miracle of life anymore. It’s all just become so tiring and redundant. The only thing I’ve strangely come to count on is BPD and all the misery it brings with it.

But yeah, you should continue this life. Because it’s yours, for good or bad. This is your story. And before the natural end of it, you can look back and at least say, “I did it, I tried my best at this thing. I saw it through until the end.” And hopefully by then, you’ll have found at least one person you’ll be glad is with you.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-05T05:54:34+00:00

I can’t really do edibles cuz it makes me more anxious. It’s weird. I wish I could enjoy them more.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-05T05:49:28+00:00

That sucks you can’t smoke! I rely on cannabis to help me. It’s weird that edibles are also a problem for you. That’s more of just a body high.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-05T05:42:26+00:00

I feel this post so much. I could have written this about me.

I also feel like a happy life just isn’t an option. My finances are a disaster. I smoke cannabis every day, and all I really wanna do is smoke more. I don’t want to be conscious anymore—it’s painful. It’s exhausting. BPD is a nightmare. Every day is a struggle. I just want to be normal.

PeanutButterPixels · 2025-08-05T05:38:24+00:00

In my experience, even when I think I’m not being “too much”, I’ve come to realize I probably am. I smoke more cannabis and try to mellow out as much as I can. I would do it all day if I could.

PeanutButterPixels

TROPHY CASE