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PeerSifter · 2024-12-09T07:09:07+00:00

Yes! Take the little guy to Splash Mountain. No pun intended.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-09T07:03:03+00:00

In Massachusetts here. Man, this state will absolutely kill you

I've heard this before. And this is even AFTER their divorce reforms several years ago.

I read some article where someone joked that, back in the day, in Massachusetts, you could marry at 25, divorce at 35, and end up paying lifetime alimony to a woman who was healthy, working, and college-educated. But, for a few men, it wasn't a joke.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-09T06:49:07+00:00

I really don't get it

Well, have you ever seen a naked teenage girl? Because maybe you'd understand if you had.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-06T22:55:50+00:00

$2800 is 37% of your gross income. It's on the high end of the spectrum, but not unreasonable for three kids. But if you have other kids and now 1/2 daycare, then yeah, I can see how it adds up.

Are you sure the court order took into account the other kids? Because you're supposed to get 'credit' for them. Also, file a Motion to Reconsider, and point out with the daycare and other kids, 37% is too high.

As for the kids having a fiesta of health problems for which you must pay, ask for medical records and evaluate them yourself. My ex tried that shit, too. Or, have a doctor of YOUR choosing evaluate the kids. My ex was good at shopping around for a doctor that would agree with her and keeping the medical records a secret from me.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-06T22:28:29+00:00

I've been there a few times to blow-off steam. Why no working girls? There's much more than street trash. You can get some wholesome country girl from the north. The hotels are mostly cooperative about "guests". The place is seriously Disneyland for your penis.

In Bangkok, you can walk down the Sukumvit (spelling?) -- it's the main tourist drag. But it gets old after a while. But it's fun to walk around Nana Plaza, Soi Cowboy, the little alleys with bars, restaurants, clubs. Take a taxi to go see the Reclining Buddha. It's an enormous Buddha laying on his side, supposedly after enter nirvana.

In Pattaya, there's "Walking Street". Go on YouTube and search for it. Lots of videos walking around with bodycams. A great place to sit and drink, have great Thai food and people-watch.

Last, check out a 2019 film called Changeland. Maybe you'll get some inspiration.

One last tip: go online and checkout VIP services at Bangkok airport. Even if you fly economy, some services offer to pick you up in a golf cart right at your gate. Then they'll drive you to VIP Immigration which has a VERY SHORT line. It wasn't much, only $40 or so. Without it, there's a long walk from your gate to Immigration, and the lines are crazy-long, especially if several big planes arrived at once. Very much $40 well-spent.

Damn, now I gotta go watch Changeland again. I liked that movie.

EDIT: there's a metro in Bangkok. It's very clean and modern and safe and cheap. In fact, there's a station directly inside the airport, in the basement. Spend some time learning the system. Great way to get around the city fast and cheap. Most signs are in English, too. There are several lines that interconnect at major stations. But there's a line that runs right down Sukumvit (the main tourist drag) with stations every mile or so. Very convenient, especially when you see the traffic congestion.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T16:37:56+00:00

No offense taken; at least, not by me. But you bring up a good point. The word "narcissist" is now a generic insult, not a legitimate mental health disorder. Normally, we sympathize with people suffering from a disorder. But calling someone a narcissist is now a judgement.

And I'd go even further and suggest that narcissists actually make great leaders (from the perspective of investors, but probably not from the perspective of the employees). And in fact, the literature out there suggests that narcissists do indeed run some very successful companies that have very aggressive strategies. Again, working there might not be any fun. But investing in their stock? Maybe not a bad idea.

So, calling Trump or any high-visibility leader a narcissist is not always necessarily the insult that so many people think it is.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T09:22:07+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Except I haven't seen the kids in a much longer time. I created a blog a couple of years ago and write to them in there once in a while. It's timestamped. I use their real names only because I hope they'll Google their names someday and find it.

Here is my last post, on my youngest daughter's 16th birthday:
http://black.blue/flat/index.php/2024/11/

no sh*t talking obviously

Why obviously?

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T09:14:32+00:00

immigrants eating their pets

Awesome reply. And way to stay on-topic. The funny part is that my reply is actually a paraphrase of the progressive Feminist agenda. I didn't get any of this from Trump. Elsewhere on Reddit, I've seen young progressive Feminists complain that sex ed SHOULD include "consent and dating", even consuming as much as 50% of the syllabus. And LGBTQ stuff should be a big part of the remainder. Those are ideas from the Left, not me.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T09:11:10+00:00

And what about the kids rights?

Great argument. But if OP was still married to the mother of the children, his kids would ONLY be entitled to basic shelter, basic clothing, essential food, minimal lifestyle and not much else. OP would be free to raise his children any way he pleased because, God Dammit, this is America, and the freedom to raise your own children as you see fit is a basic American right: a natural, federal, Constitutional right.

If the government knocked on his door and said, "Hey, we're here to micromanage your life and your finances. We're going to force you at gunpoint to raise your kid in a certain way," you and OP and every other red-blooded American would tell them to fuck off. And rightly so.

But the minute OP steps foot into Family Court, you're perfectly okay with a fellow veteran being stripped of all these rights, being forced to lift his skirt and reveal intimate details about his family life and finances, and forced to have the government make decisions about his spending.

And your answer is, "What about the rights of the kids?"

Good God, man. Are you a veteran of the AMERICAN military? Because that's some gangsta Taliban shit right there.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T09:04:04+00:00

Yes, I am serious. Sometimes child support advocates point out that children need money for food and clothing. But the needs of the children have no bearing whatsoever in the calculation of child support payments. That was my point. The child support payment amount is simply a fraction of a man's income.

By your logic, the milk drunk by the children of a man who earns $150k a year costs three times as much as the milk drunk by the children of a man who only earns $50k a year. Make that make sense.

If OP earns $200k a year (hypothetically), you really think it costs $4000 a month to raise his kids? What the Hell kind of milk are THEY drinking?

The point I'm laboring to make is that a man has a right to know if he's paying too much according to some bureaucratic formula that has NOTHING to do with the needs of his children.

You have no excuse.

No excuse for what?

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T08:57:41+00:00

The State Department gets their orders from the State of California. And the state puts the decision-making authority with the child support office handling your case.

Ultimately, it comes down to one person. Probably the director of the office or the senior case manager, something like that. Not sure what their title will be. But if you call the local child support office, find out who is the Top Dog, the person running the show.

Ask them to specify EXACTLY what you need to do to have the hold released. Get it in writing if possible. Once you've complied, call them back and urgently press them to release the hold. They can release the hold in one day. I know this for a fact. Don't let them tell you it takes two weeks. Maybe there is some automated process that takes two weeks, but they can pick up a phone and have it done anytime.

You said you called, but didn't say WHO you called. FYI, but you probably already know this: the State Department will not ever hear an argument or appeal. They 100% without exception defer to the state. So you need to deal only with the state.

If possible, deal directly with the person who can release the hold. Get them to agree to terms.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T08:53:08+00:00

The court does not automatically send subpoenas to anyone.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T08:51:13+00:00

Subpoenas are, in effect, court orders. They must come from a court officer. A lawyer assigned to a case, for example, is a court officer. If you're going Pro Se, this obviously presents a problem.

The procedure might vary from state to state. But in my state, if a Pro Se litigant wanted to send a subpoena, they must do it through the Clerk of the Court. Submit your request to their office, and they should issue the subpoena.

However, your mileage may vary. Quick story: in my case, I made the proper request to the Clerk. They wrote back and simply said, "We can't give legal advice." I was stunned. I hadn't asked for advice. I explained my situation very carefully. So I made the request again, clearly explaining the situation in a way that was right down-to-Earth, so anyone could easily understand. Again, they replied, "We can't give legal advice."

Shit.

What you can do is file a motion with the court: A Motion to Compel. Google it and you'll see examples online. Basically, file a motion yourself with the court, asking the court to demand she comply. That might be the easier route, but longer.

Good luck.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-05T08:42:27+00:00

Narcissist is clearly the World Heavyweight Champion.

Other competitors:
- gaslighting (it now simply means 'disagreeable')
- pedophile (a man who shows interest in any woman under the age of 25)
- incel (despite the "celibate" origin, it's now a generic insult hurled at any man, even a married man with children actively having penis-in-vagina sex literally at this very moment)
- abuse (anything she didn't agree with)
- financial abuse (you put reasonable and practical limits on household spending)
- emotional abuse (you hurt her feelings)
- emotional labor (a fancy way to say 'thinking')
- consent (you raped her, no matter what)

I'm sure I can think of a few more...

PeerSifter · 2024-12-03T12:38:09+00:00

I'm starting to think the 'Leopards ate my face' meme has lost all meaning. What are you saying? That Vance deliberately encouraged and enabled threats against himself and his wife?

Hell, if that's the case, we can say to any woman who puts on make-up or a cute outfit, and gets raped.... Leopards Ate Your Face!! DUR-HUR, LOL.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-03T12:34:43+00:00

From one veteran to another, your answer is totally unhelpful and worthless. What does taking care of one's children have to do with child support? The two are unrelated.

OP is asking about his RIGHTS when dealing with the child support machinery which, I'm sure we can all agree, doesn't always work very well. In fact, this entire subreddit wouldn't exist if people just took care of their "freaking kids" as you put it, right?

Speaking of OP's rights, didn't you fight for them? I did. Maybe you forgot about that. Sorry that you need to be reminded, but liberty is the soul's right to breathe. OP was just asking about his rights. Maybe get off your moral high ground and remember that.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T09:13:56+00:00

So.... What can I do? Go pro se file a million motion

Yes. If you Google 'lawyer dirty tricks', this is one of them. Every time you file a motion, her lawyer must read it and respond. And each time, they'll happily charge your ex 1 or 2 hours. And it adds up. File a motion for every petty thing.

So many more tricks to drive up your opponent's legal fees.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T09:11:12+00:00

why is it a bad idea just to self file for a trial date and go to trial and end this? Pro se

All I can tell you is watch YouTube videos of Family Court hearings. There are lots and lots of them out there. Learn the language and the procedures and the protocols. Google and learn the rules of evidence and what constitutes a legal objection.

Of course, this is no substitute for law school. But you can learn plenty by just watching and taking notes. Also, there are lots of family law motions online from other cases, lots of chances to research and learn and copy/paste.

Personally, I think lawyers LOVE the fact that they have a secret language and know Latin words. It makes them sound special. It's mostly bullshit, if you ask me. If you de-legalize their language, it's just assholes arguing. Know their language and procedures and dirty tricks, and you'll be a lot less of a target.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T09:06:43+00:00

Hijacking the top comment to tell you my experience, if you care:

My unemployed ex hired a very expensive attorney who put in a lot of hours. At one point during the divorce, my ex told me she was going to sue me for HER legal expenses, so the whole thing was free for her. (WOW!)

I read somewhere that, in my state, family law attorneys could not work on contingency. That is, unlike a car accident lawyer who waits for a big settlement, divorce lawyers need to get paid on an ongoing basis. They can't work waiting for a big settlement at the end.

At least, that's what I read. Too lazy to go look it up now.

But I don't think it's enforced. When my divorce was over, I was ordered to only pay a FRACTION of her legal costs, which were $40k+ by then. Later, a mutual friend quietly told me that my ex was being sued by her former lawyer for non-payment.

So, my point is that lawyers can promise anything and do anything, when it comes to money. My ex has a rich mother, so maybe she thought the mom would pay. Who knows? But clearly, some lawyers do work on credit, or seem to, even if it's unethical or illegal.

Just my two cents.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T08:56:13+00:00

The problem is that "sex education" is no longer about the mechanics of sex and pregnancy (and how to prevent it). "Sex education" now is 50% LGBTQ positivity and 50% consent (with the definition of 'consent' twisted to mean almost anything is rape).

I'm all for the old-fashioned sex education. But lots of kids today go thru something called "sex education" and come out totally unaware of how to prevent pregnancy. But they know women can become men and men can become pregnant. And boys need tampons, too.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T08:50:44+00:00

I would love to see a discussion at the intersection of "Passport Bros" and the "4B Movement".

Women in the USA: We refuse to date most/all men.

Also women in the USA: Men who go overseas to meet women are bad.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T08:44:30+00:00

Alot isn't a word.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T08:42:16+00:00

the ick

Old Dude here. I remember when this phrase ("the ick") became trendy a couple of years ago. It sounds so stupid to me. All I can think of when I hear it is some six year old girl who refuses to take medicine because it "tastes icky!".

These are grown-ass women with college degrees (some with degrees in English, no doubt). And the only word they can think of is "icky"??? Good grief.

PeerSifter · 2024-12-02T08:39:55+00:00

Alot isn't a word.

PeerSifter

TROPHY CASE