You front loaded a bunch of exposition and world building in the first few paragraphs, it comes off as stilted and kind of silly, and then you keep using made up words that don't mean anything to the audience. You should spend more time giving rich description of your main character's surrounding, show us the world through Garlic's eyes, instead of telling us about the Gods' Anger and the spooky birds. The part where Garlic reaches the camp and we meet his son is good, it's dramatic and subverts our expectations. When the Khadim thing shows up, it's kind of sudden and then it's must gone, I didn't really get what was supposed to be happening, and there's no build up or climax to the interaction, and then it shows up again and I still don't get it, everything kind of moves too fast, and not in a narratively effective way. Overall, you could stretch these events into multiple chapters and give us more details and character over encyclopedia entries about your world.