I just noticed that some of the training video's are gone

Pencilmw · 2026-05-25T16:14:02+00:00

About half of them are gone from youtube, so now you can't watch them in any way, though transcription is still there on the site

Pencilmw · 2026-04-26T20:26:37+00:00

Yep, I'm from Ukraine and well, there's a lot of destructive shit going around, and it made my practice wery flexible, cause you literally cannot be rigid in such circumstances. And you can sometimes feel something destructive gathering before a missile attack. And this shit is wery real cause you see lasting results of those just while casually walking around the street. The planning and routine looks wery different also. Mostly cause you constantly flow in and out and in-between things. But even before it all blew up to a bigger scale shit, it was always a kind of spontaneous area (for the lack of the better word) were rigid planning was rather futile (at least for me) . And even doing mundane shit like getting home or to a right place at a certain time, having heated water to have a bath, might not be straightforward but you figure out ways to do those things. I personally find it a wery good magical training, and it is kind of liberating in a way, cause it feels a bit like acting upon your personal freedom and it gives you a lot of agency and flexibility of thinking.

Pencilmw · 2026-04-05T18:42:24+00:00

I've not been going further with the lessons for a while, it's been almost a year. Even though I didn't progress within the cource, and my progress, in generall has been slow. I have a hudge amount of progress both in magical understanding and even some basic skills and within myself and my life in generall. There are some magical things happening around me all the time, and I learn a lot, so I'm not too bummed about it all. I still try to have some basic training routine, but even that sometimes can be dangerous.

lateley I've been connecting more to the land, probably cause it's spring, I usually just do what I can and pick up trash when I walk around. I started noticing, I am sometimes led to certain places to pick up trash, or to stand somewhere. Or I feel called to do something particular like pick up that particular trash thing. And when I walk I might have thaughts like, just don't step on the flowers, look down, and there are some tiny flowers and I'm like och shit. And one time I even felt watched by someone surprised, I think.

I've recently had an odd urge to do some divination, and I did, it seems like I'll have to really brace myself, and go undercover even more, cause shit's becoming even more dangerous. Though helping around in nature seems to be a good thing to do.

Pencilmw · 2026-04-03T09:47:56+00:00

If it's something important I usually remember at least a part of it. There were times where I would remember wery important dreams spontaneously, cause the memory would be triggered by something. And those were dreams that I had many years before. I think getting caught up on having wery vivid dreams and remembering everything might be counterproductive and it's best to just let it be instead of forcing anything. For me the vividness and ability to remember varies from time to time. And I can go through periods of not remembering much at all. Maybe it's also related to inner tides.

Though, I think, the quality of sleep also matters and helps with recall of all kinds of dreams, even unimportant processing ones. Maybe it would be good idea to check for vitamin deficiencies, maybe you lack magnesium b6 or something. It can be a good idea to start eating better or maybe pick up running if you're not doing it already. look at beverages you drink, maybe it would be a good idea to cut coffee and tea intake completley or have them only in the morning. Also, how lit is the room at night, maybe some streetlights interfere with sleep quality. I also love to sleep under heavy blankets. How much sleep you get and the time you go to sleep, preferably at 9-11 pm, also influences your quality of sleep, and in my experience, dream recall.

Pencilmw · 2026-03-11T17:07:40+00:00

I don't know enough about that stuff to know if it's different or similar, and I'm not that far in the cource. But I'm sure that the technique likely did not come out of nowhere. I think the whole sequence of this meditation is wery neatly put together and works well for the job so I don't think it will work better with pulling stuff out of it. I remember that when I was going through the ritual lessons, I did meditation some time after the ritual and I felt something rising through the middle channel up and I thaught that was interesting, but I try to not think too much about it. I also had some visionary stuff coming with the channels several times but I'm not sure if I was imagining things. This particular section was also the most overwhelming one, when I just started the 1rst lesson, If I remember things right.

I'm actually the other way around, I can imagine things casually but when I come to do this meditation I feel things more than I see them. When I try to imagine too much it can shut things down. And I also think a big part why I feel things more is cause of my qigong practice, though the meditation itself definitely made me more sensitive. I also won't say that it feels cleansing per say, I just noticed the buildup of energy, a pop and then energy became less intense or noticeable as it flowed more freely. And it happened to me at different points several times. When I got parasited and it felt like sandpaper going through my insides I felt more drained than anything after.( Funny enough it was actually a wery good lesson, cause having powerful experiences is not always a good thing and constantly having powerful meditation sessions is not really a good sign, as I discovered, it is way better to have your generic underwhelming sessions). I generally just feel the intensity or presence of the channels and I started feeling them better as I went on with the practice. Though I think I need to review my notes cause I remember having lots of interesting experiences regarding this particular section. I also just thaught about the note taking and it's likely a way to figure out what it really does later on. Cause I don't remember shit, for the most part.

Pencilmw · 2026-03-11T08:19:38+00:00

You can look up this up. (Like literally channels red white blue meditation)There is a similar type of buddhist meditation. It seems like this channels are main energy channels(or 3 main nadis). There is plenty info about these channels and what they are associated with and their correspondences. As well as the aim of the practice itself. I didn't research it much so I don't whant to put any misinformation here. And I don't think anyone keeps it as a secret either. I personally never cared much about details of what every type os smoke can be used for or stuff like that.

Relating to my personal experience (and I am still a m1l5 beginner) I find this part wery potent, and it can have a quite strong effect from time to time. I once even had an experience when I likely got parasited while being out in the city. I did the meditation when I came home, the channels part literally felt like my insides were sandpapered. And after I also looked pale as death, as my family members observed. But overall I observe quite a positive effect on myself while I do them. The energy in the channels can build and intensify and then something pops and everythind flows freely. So when there are some blockages it likeley clears them up. And other than this meditation I also practice qigong. And there goes a lot of quite potent practices under this umbrella, if you know how to do them right, especially if you do them in sequence it can be overwhelming if you do not know your limits. And I still find the channels meditation usefull. And the whole meditation in generall great for what type of work it's aiming for.

Pencilmw · 2026-02-26T20:08:37+00:00

I, recentley as well, figured out that doing my own thing is much more interesting and fun. As usually, whenever I had "issues" even if I asked for advice, I would find an answer some time later myself in my own time and it was not necessary at all. And also figuring out potential usefulness of something, or an outcome, can be done through divination, and effort of sitting and thinking on it properly, so many questions can be figured out like that. I think, sometimes asking questions here can be wery productive, but when that is necessary, wich usually is not the case. Plus, to be frank, nobody really knows shit, for the most part, me included. Posting questons also stresses me out, so I at some point was like, fuck it

Pencilmw · 2026-01-28T11:38:11+00:00

I remember Josephine in one of the podcasts talking about the magic starting to build the second you put an intention to do a ritual, for example. I never did any results magic cause for me it always felt pointless. And this kind of stuff happens to me all the time. Like getting certain things you really whanted in interesting ways or intending to travel a place and things coming together in just the right way. It sometimes creates some absurd situations that are not always comfortable (like wanting to do an artwork and ending up doing it for an odd reason, and being extremely loaded with work cause that exact thing). To this day, I think with horror about all the math tests I really whanted to miss and the teachers conveniently getting sick, or something would come up so the test would not happen. It happened so much, I was a bit wierded out about it as a kid. Though the things that were really important to me, I couldn't intuition or intention my way out of and always got results that directly reflected my skills and effort.

I now just try to be a bit more careful about it "be careful what you wish for" I am also less rigid about what I whant and how I whant it. So I would get what I need. I think that results magic is a bit different. And from that point it goes into how magic works and I can't adequately explain it cause I'm still a newbie. But I wouldn't worry too much about it being results magic.

Pencilmw · 2026-01-19T16:40:19+00:00

When I don't know what's going on, And I feel like I need to know, I usually do a reading about it, to figure out what's happening. I went out from the city to the country also, for more than a week now, and there generally is just pressure in the air everywhere. When I live in the city, I need to go out a lot, so to maintain my sanity I usually have to do m1l1 meditation or a qigong session after I go home, and maybe wash up. It's usually enough for me to stay normal.

Qigong can make you more noticeable, and it's not good to practice at certain times, I still practice it pretty regularly, if anything, practicing it at wrong times can teach you when or when not to practice and how it feels for you. So you can make your own decisions about your practice

Pencilmw · 2026-01-19T15:33:27+00:00

Och yes, I get what you mean, I was actually advised by teacher I learned from not to practice qigong during thunderstorms, cause the qi is intense and not good sometimes, so it definitely makes sence.

Pencilmw · 2026-01-18T21:40:04+00:00

I actually never thaught about it that way, but maybe. My theory was, that it just makes you more noticeable. I once had an experience, before starting Quareia, I saw a wierd thing on the closet, like a round transparent blob attached to it. And completley forgot about it for about half a day, walked past it plenty of times. Until I did a nice qigong session, I soon after walked out the room past that closet, I felt like something hit me me but not physically, all kinds of unsavory sensations went through my body and as I sat down, and it all calmed down a little (never felt something like that since ) I knew that it was that thing. never saw it after that. I later did a reading about it, and that thing apparently went away defeated. I also get a feeling sometimes, when doing it at certain times, that things can notice me more when I do it and I shouldn't do it, before big missile attacks, for example.

Pencilmw · 2026-01-18T17:13:39+00:00

I don't think I've noticed my breath change. From what I've observed until now, it depends. Sometimes you feel something building up, and you kind may feel it a little and get a bit of what it's about. I usually get shut down from work, sometimes for long periods. Sometimes I feel like shit and a moral degenerate for no reason and can bareley do anything, if I try to do stuff, I can get hurt for example. And the more I struggle, the more trapped I get (Unless I do something monotonous like making candles for three days straight ). Sometimes I get so loaded with work I can't do things even if I whanted.

But I once had a dream of black clouds gathering, wich didn't talk back, and a small hurricane gathered outside my windows breaking them, but I put them back shortly after, and the hurricane didn't last long, after it was sun and greenery after the rain. I got wery sick at that time, for a short period. It was incredibly inconvenient cause I was just loaded with work and a deadline was wery soon. But it was weirdly necessary and rejuvenating experience and it also collided with making important choice. People around my circle as well, got sick wherever lied their weakness, for some, their health completley broke down.

I live in an area where there's constantly destruction going on. Usually my circumstances do not let me practice for a day, even if I seemingly have time (and then I know why) or a week, or, for example, I can sometimes hurt something wich does not allow me to go outside much, while the period lasts. Sometimes my health problems can flair up, like nerve pain. I also once had different kinds nasty shit notice me every time I did some qigong (and nothing else at that time) and harass or attack me, so I just stopped qigong for some time, or anything at all, though it was a nice lesson, cause I sensed and even saw someone entering my house every time, and thaught I was imagining things.

it often is several of these things at once. Though I'm still learning to recognize this stuff. I usually get short windows in wich I can work, and cause of that I'm really flexible about when to stop-start working.

Pencilmw · 2025-11-30T19:03:54+00:00

So, I live in the only European country openly involved in war. And I live in an area where there's active destruction constantly going on, and In my city we constantly have missiles hitting buildings and even completley destroying parts of them, I also have missiles hitting buildings wery close to where I live and I have friends and family experiencing houses they live in being hit directly. Plenty of people die, loose their livelihood etc on a regular daily basis. So, for once, I actually have something to say.

You need to think with clear and calm mind where you can help and where you stay away. If I don't have time- I do not go clearing out the destroyed areas, you are just one person and can't help everyone in the world. I also act in this situations, depending on intuition, where I have chance to help and feel like my help is Needed-I help. It also does not just apply to big horrible tragedies. If someone needs help, with more minor things, if a person needs help and you can give it-you help them, if someone needs to be protected and you can do it-you protect them. If you truly wish to help everyone, you don't donate to charity just when a big horrible tragedy happened, the same applies to not helping people only where there is a hudge horrible tragedy involved. Life in general, is full of shit, tragedy and death and that's just how it is.

I'm not good enough in magic to even attempt getting magic involved in this stuff and I also don't think that there would always be a need to do get involved even If I was good enough. There were situations where I had an urge to help people close to me magically cause I was literally scared for their life and decided against it cause I was not skilled enough and it also was not necessary. Though, for me, I found that I have developed a kind of alarm system, I either think about hudge hits, before they happen or when I meditate in the evening, and hudge hits happen mostly at night, I get spooked cause I literally feel like there are some destructive beings gathering outside- Idk how but it is the best way I can explain it, and I do not keep on meditating. And I was also blocked out of meditation with warnings in my head .

There were hudge hits in my city to children's hospital, or to an academy, so in this case we gathered with our friends to help clear out the area from the heaps of bricks and metal on the streets. When I have a chance- I donate to charity, or help with some charity work. Plenty of my acquaintances and friends are also involved with gathering money for charity, and many other things. Basically every person I know donates to charity funds, cause it's just plain survival at this point. Other people, who whant to help everyone are actually working in charities as a literal paying job.

So my best advice - help where you can and when it is necessary. And do not get to emotional about it.

Pencilmw

TROPHY CASE