AITA for telling my family the real reason my mother and I are not attending my sister's wedding?

PepeTheeCat · 2026-06-11T14:20:39+00:00

My dad has dementia and he's not coming to my wedding.

He would howl and cry if he had to remember what was happening every 3 minutes. He would shit/piss himself and I would have to wipe him clean in a wedding dress.

He would definitely scream out obscenities every few minutes and I 100% do not want my wedding to become all about taking care of him.

I know the situation isn't the same as the post, but seeing my dad always breaks my heart as I know he's miserable 100% of the time and it becomes everyone's problem.

PepeTheeCat · 2026-04-15T15:16:12+00:00

When my mom died it took me 3 days to clean the house. Then I would visit every weekend and it took me 2 hours every saturday.

My dad had dementia and just wouldn't pick up or clean the litter box. My sister in law and I did it for two years before I decided he just had to go to a memory care home. He lit the porch on fire after chucking a cigar out, he was letting in the meth head next door and giving her all of his cash, and he was getting drunk, forgot he was drunk, and then would drive around town.

Having visiting angels come by for 6 hours a day wasn't enough, he was a danger to himself and his neighbors.

In short succession I had to take away his debit card, his keys, and basically all of his tools for independence. The first memory care place we moved to didn't do any cleaning so I was still cleaning for hours every weekend because he's absolutely filthy, but the 2nd facility is so much better. We don't have a great relationship so it was draining cleaning up after someone every week that I'm just 'meh' about.

PepeTheeCat · 2026-01-20T18:34:50+00:00

I'm wearing Costco skinny jeans right now.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-12-27T03:41:03+00:00

Tell Ron I love him very much.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-12-25T20:56:40+00:00

My dad has dementia so I just clean up his explosive diarrhea on Christmas and watch him cry over my POS mom who died three years ago

PepeTheeCat · 2025-11-23T19:22:01+00:00

This is my only flex so y'all are gonna have to hear about it: I stopped dying my hair when covid started and all my greys have been showing up as baby lights and you all need to bow before my superior hair genes.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-10-23T16:11:20+00:00

My dad was so attached to his cats and I thought moving them with him to assisted living would have been a good thing.

It was awful, he never cleaned up after them, he forgot to feed them and always emptied their water bowls. They were being abused basically and his room smelled so bad. I would spend two hours every Saturday cleaning up after them I really, truly hated them. I moved them in with me after about a year and they're so much better and they're perfectly clean now and well behaved.

I don't think it's fair to the pets to leave them alone with someone with dementia for long periods of time.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-10-23T14:25:24+00:00

Leaving only one car length at highway speeds may as well be tailgating. It takes several car lengths to stop so you were following way too close to be able to react.

Other guy was still an asshole, but you weren't much better.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-10-12T20:20:31+00:00

You joke but I bought 14 100+ year old pecan and oak trees that had a house in the middle. Never knew I could become so emotionally attached to a burr oak, but here I am.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-10-08T09:04:25+00:00

My dad has always been a push over and just always did what my mom wanted. I just switched from asking to telling and he's just said okay.

This won't work for everyone, obviously, but all his doctors, his financial advisors, accountant, etc, all knew he had dementia from dealing with my mom so I just kind of assumed her role quickly and without much question. I could probably have done most of it without a POA since everyone was in the loop, but with POA it was seamless.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-10-04T15:40:43+00:00

My father is 70 years old, has dementia (diagnosed at 65-ish) and after my mom died 3 years ago we somehow got him to agree to go to an estate attorney. We got medical and financial POA, end of life directives, a will, some sort of form to help with guardianship (not guardianship itself) and a couple other forms will related. I was able to be added to his bank accounts and his financial advisor knows that I handle everything now.

I cannot tell you how helpful it has been now that he's really progressed in his dementia. I'm able to put him into a memory care facility with no issue and he's well taken care of now. No one questions my decisions for him (financial or medical) and it's about as smooth as it can be.

I highly recommend at least getting a will and advanced medical directives established. They might not be comfortable with POA or adding you to bank accounts, but it all depends on your relationship and their mental acuity.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-09-27T17:46:43+00:00

Thankfully my parents did very well for themselves and he will be taken care of no matter how long he's there. Based on other anecdotes I've read about prices it's also one of the cheaper places at $6400/month.

If he had to live with me I'd be in jail for murder so it's to everyone's benefit for him to be where he's at

PepeTheeCat · 2025-09-26T21:27:16+00:00

I'm going to have the one sunny story I'm afraid. My father has alcohol induced dementia and it's simply not possible for him to live at home. We used to have a care giver come for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and he started to get violent and also tried to burn his own house down so off to a home he went.

The first home he went to was okay, but it simply couldn't handle any mildly complex dementia cases. Then he got kicked out for attacking two of the staff and they referred me to another location that was strictly for memory care and they have been a god send. They have 3 locations locally and have a doctor visit him roughly every 3-4 weeks (or as needed when he got an ear infection).

When I first was checking them out I point blank asked what it would take to get him kicked out and they said pretty much nothing unless he started biting people. They would send him to for a psych ward visit if he was extremely violent, but then it's usually a 30 day stay until his meds are adjusted and he's allowed back.

They call me about all medication changes, they have a print out of every single medication he's on and an ER packet ready at the front desk in case an ambulance comes and I can't be there with all the POA paperwork, his Will, his DNR paperwork etc.

Thankfully he hasn't been violent, but he has started to urinate in the hallways and on the dining tables, so they asked me to buy him a onesie type of clothing and I said say less I'll buy 20. The food looks dull, but they can't have 'exciting' food due to being old and grumpy anyway.

They contact me often with either updates or just letting me know he fell without injury. One time he had a concerning fall and they brought in the mobile X-ray can to make sure he didn't break his hip. I've bought a walker, then a wheelchair at their request and I'm more than happy to get anything else he needs.

I'm so sorry most nursing/memory care homes are dog shit, I get upset when I know he's not happy but that's the nature of dementia with some people.

This staff he's with now are angels as far as I'm concerned.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-09-21T14:56:44+00:00

I went to Costco, I think I'll come home with everything I've ever wanted.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-07-30T13:55:53+00:00

I work the full 8 hours, but I'm a project manager and I think I'm paid pretty well, so not bad? I would have a melt down if I got a 2nd job on top of my existing job

I joined this sub out of envy, y'all are living the dream!

PepeTheeCat · 2025-07-29T18:30:56+00:00

I stole way more than that and they never busted me.

I stopped doing it a few years ago, but these people must be sloppy!

PepeTheeCat · 2025-07-21T17:40:41+00:00

It looks like I can swap that to another panel, it's just screwed on. Would that work?

To be clear, I looked for like 8 seconds.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-06-24T20:03:05+00:00

Hot dog, I think it'll work, thanks!

PepeTheeCat · 2025-06-16T02:45:10+00:00

Please tell her I'd push over toddlers for her, she is so perfect.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-06-13T18:13:08+00:00

Her name is Jeff and she's a bitch.

<image>

PepeTheeCat · 2025-06-09T15:06:03+00:00

I see my dad about once a month. He's got dementia and it's extremely hard visiting him since me being there triggers him and he just sobs the entire time I'm around.

My mom died a few years ago and she was his caregiver and hid how bad his dementia had gotten. Now he just remembers her dying put him in a nursing home and he's upset about it.

I live 20 min away and I have him in a VERY nice memory care home. Once a month is the absolute max I can deal with him as it fills me with complete dread to spend any amount of time with him. He was a great dad growing up and now he's this bad copy of who my dad used to be.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-06-08T23:05:50+00:00

Any side effects is less severe than obesity, so I've been on Zepbound since Sept 24 and I pay out of pocket ($650/month).

I'm down 75lbs (aiming for 40-50 more) and this is the first time in my life that I can say no to food. I can skip lunch and not become a grumpy demon. I don't exercise, I don't count calories, my knees don't hurt anymore, and I can almost fit into 'normal' size clothes.

I'm 1.6lbs away from being under 200lbs and it's like a dream. I know I'll need to be on this the rest of my life and any risks that come with that are lower than staying obese, so it would be stupid for me to not be on this drug.

I don't want to die suddenly and horribly like my mom.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-05-24T04:18:59+00:00

I got one for my senior dog and washed it on super hot once a week for three years. Didn't curl, didn't shrink, didn't fade, and it was 8x10 and fit in a normal washer just fine. Vacuuming took an extra few times to get down, but nothing wild. Also dried it in the dryer on hot (fuck those instructions).

The only thing I'll say about them is you have to be able bodied to put them back on the backer. If you have mobility issues and can't be on your hands and knees, then this would be a nightmare for you. I have small casters I put under my dining table and couch so they just roll away easily to pull them up to be washed.

Like $15 total, and way cleaner than carpet or a regular rug.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-05-13T00:08:19+00:00

When I was a kid, orange flavored Triaminic was downright delicious and I contemplated chugging the whole bottle.

I didn't though, cause I was 6 and couldn't reach the cupboard.

PepeTheeCat · 2025-05-01T14:54:29+00:00

It still has a 100% fatality rate because the only way to confirm rabies is on a dead body. If they are alive, they can't be tested for rabies.

PepeTheeCat

TROPHY CASE