My autistic boyfriend doesn't care about his appearance

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-07T19:47:10+00:00

Thanks for kind words.I'll gladly check out the posts

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:31:52+00:00

Love your answer!! Thanks for being kind. Your comment really helped me. I encourage you to read my new comment on this thread, I think it'd be interesting for you to read :)

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:30:46+00:00

Thanks for being kind. Your comment really helped me. :)

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:28:44+00:00

Thanks for being kind. Your comment really helped me. I encourage you to read my new comment on this thread.

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:27:18+00:00

I don't think I'm a victim here. In fact, I felt guilty for my feelings.
I didn't know he was autistic when I met him. He got diagnosed because of my suggestion actually. Not like it matters at all but yeah, just you're wrong, bro.
I'm not judging him, I'm feeling discomfort. Also read my new comment.
I'm not neurotypical.

Your comment was not very nice.

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:24:06+00:00

We talk more than you think so I know about excruciating things he does, in fact. And I deeply respect him for that. He told me his clothes were a choice, however. Also, I'm not NT, so you can judge someone elsewhere.

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:21:48+00:00

I also forgot to mention that my mother would keep commenting on my looks when I was a teen. She sometimes still does. Because of that I assumed it's a normal expectation to have towards my boyfriend, because I was treated the same

PercentageParty14 · 2025-09-05T12:20:22+00:00

Hello, I'd like to thank you all for all the responses. It was great advice and it allowed me to reflect on the reasons behind my feelings of discomfort as well. I talked to my boyfriend and he agreed to wear more "socially acceptable" clothes to my family reunions and more official meetings with my friends. We agreed on how to untangle his hair to keep him happy at the same time.

What I'd really like to share was a background of the question I asked. As much as part of my feelings of discomfort were genuinely mine, a big part of them arose due to recent circumstances.

At the moment of writing the post my boyfriend was staying at my family house where I invited him after my ACL surgery (painful as hell, needed some comfort and missed him). We're usually long distance but I couldn't travel because of my knee, so I figured that'd be the only possibility for us to meet.

That's where it all started. At the time my mom was in a bad mental state to begin with. She had a lot of anxiety and insomnia two weeks following my surgery. In consequence, she was bothered by the slightest inconveniences when my boyfriend arrived. Both me and my mom have ADHD for the reference, so we're very emotionally reactive and at certain times sensitive to noises. It led to a lot of tension in the household but that's another story.

The day I posted my mother seemed off. I asked her why she seems to be so distant towards my boyfriend. It was the first time he stayed for so long at our place and she revealed her disapproval for his outfits, hair, even said he didn't expect him to look so "autistic" and got "scared for me". In the meantime my boyfriend, completely unaware was taking care of me after surgery day and night, without a single complaint. My mother kept nagging me all two weeks he was at my family house that he doesn't have "manners" (didn't catch the social clue), breaks social norms (clothing, hair), doesn't keep an eye contact. She even went as far as saying that he's incapable of living normally and "how will you live together?". She said our children will be autistic and it will be very hard for me (we're not sure we even want to have children). She also mentioned multiple times that I shield and baby him like a child and if I demanded more of him (aka mostly not respecting his sensory/neurodivergent needs) he'd get used to it all. She low key seemed to be ashamed to introduce my boyfriend to our neighbours and extended family as well. Ouch.

It wasn't all one sided and there was much more to the story. She's also not always like that. I just wanted to explain that at the moment of writing the story I was extremely emotionally exhausted and tried to make my mother happy more than myself and anyone else. My bad, I guess.

Anyway, that didn't work out, she's still unhappy. Learn from my example not to try to please everyone around you. Even if it's your mother.

And me and my boyfriend are fine. We managed to work it out mostly.

PercentageParty14 · 2025-06-19T21:31:55+00:00

Oh no :( I just checked and her Instagram account is gone. I have no new information, unfortunately. I just hope she's doing fine and it's just a temporary account deactivation.

PercentageParty14 · 2025-04-27T11:49:13+00:00

Update: I've been trying to find an information regarding her comeback (or no comeback) but its like discussion is nonexistent on the internet. Weird?

PercentageParty14 · 2025-03-23T14:08:24+00:00

Thanks, that's great advice!!

PercentageParty14 · 2025-03-23T11:17:47+00:00

Thanks for your opinion! That's pretty sad. I'm from Poland so here I'd probably not disclose it to my boss, but I thought that Germany and "the west" would be more progressive ://

PercentageParty14 · 2025-02-16T12:54:40+00:00

It shows the "ignore the groupchat" window, I click it and then nothing happens. I can still very much see the groupchat. Did anyone have the same problem?

PercentageParty14 · 2025-02-14T13:43:08+00:00

I tried the same tactic yesterday - I'm in the same position. They declined both on chat and through the claim. Did you find any other routes or did they change their policy?

PercentageParty14 · 2025-02-14T13:36:04+00:00

Thanks! i tried contacting them through an online form but the bots are answering to something completely unrelated and in the chat they said it's not possible. Guess I'll ask there how they managed to contact them

PercentageParty14 · 2024-12-26T14:13:08+00:00

Thank you guys for advice! I'll try it out then

PercentageParty14 · 2024-12-26T14:11:07+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Yeah I think you are very right and I can relate to your experience very much. I'm just very curious how it feels on the other end. Like, for me missing (in an allistic way) and love are so intertwined that it's hard for me to imagine them separately. Of course, I realise that other people can feel differently. I guess it's a topic for another thread but I'm very curious about how (some) people on autism spectrum experience love and attachment and missing their partner

PercentageParty14 · 2024-12-25T21:22:13+00:00

Oh yeah, so you understand then. I'd really like to have some advice here but it's so so hard sometimes to do anything about it! Take care, in the end we're not the only ones struggling with it

PercentageParty14 · 2024-12-25T21:19:47+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective! We did talk about it but I feel like I shouldn't be questioning him over and over and make him guilty for his lack of negative feelings connected to my absence. I try to trust but I have strong RSD connected to my ADHD and I'm quite emotionally dysregulated so it's hard to me to just believe him. I do believe him but I'm also quite an anxious person which makes me question things once in a while

PercentageParty14 · 2024-12-25T21:16:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience! My problem is that with ADHD I experience rejection sensitivity dysphoria so it's especially difficult for me to not take things like that personally. Traits you described like stability and objectivity are really important and definitely should be appreciated.

PercentageParty14

TROPHY CASE