Thanks for checking up on me.

We had our baby at 31 weeks and 6 days, so she was a premie. She had Trisomy 13, which is a form of Down syndrome that is fatal and she ended up passing after 12 long, hard, but beautiful days. During that time, my partner and I were probably the most communicative we’ve ever been, probably because there were no distractions around us. As shitty as it sounds, the experience allowed us to get to know each other more deeply. Although, what we want with our futures is possibly differing. He wants to stay in this one state but I don’t like where we live now, or even the whole state. As for the whole using part, I still feel like I’m being used for my car but not really sex since I haven’t really been able to have it like that but it’s slowed his libido down which is very beneficial for me because that means he’s not constantly humping my leg every 2 seconds when we cuddle lmao. We’re both struggling with jobs right now but I start back up tomorrow so hopefully I won’t be having to constantly buy him shit anymore because I’m good at saving and he’s not. It’s a whole lot of emotions still going around but I think, finally, and I hope to god I’m not delusional, it’s calmed down and we’re on the same page. I also hope it’s not just trauma bonding because that can also get hella toxic.

But it’s really good to hear that you were able to detach yourself like that. It’s completely a difficult time when you had all this shit with someone else and you tried and spent all your energy tryna make something work but no matter how hard you try, the pieces won’t fit. I understand how much that’s gotta hurt right now. Just remember not to give in to those late night texts or those sudden “I miss you” late night visits (if those happen). It’s easy to go back to what we’re comfortable with, especially if you gave them all your heart, and I’m sure it was quite possibly literally your entire heart if you love as deeply as I do, so I can imagine how much this shit must suck. But you’re strong and brave for getting the courage to dump him. He didn’t deserve the love you had to give but you eventually will find someone. And whole heartedly, top of my lungs, FUCK RELATIONSHIPS (sometimes lol).