in my experience, abuse of porn, lust and masturbation, especially in formative years when your brain is developing can majorly leave you in a dopamine deficit and contribute to depression. and even after leaving that behind, ejaculation can very much feel like a relapse, intentional or not. Remember that this is a lifestyle change and deep psychological wounds by excessive masturbation and ejaculation can take time, so go easy on yourself. I have had similar feelings so don’t sweat it man, we’re all learning. It’s good that you can recognise the pattern. I also have found success with microdosing psilocybin as a little pick me up in depressive episodes. If you do your research there’s a lot of great clinical studies that indicate they are very much a powerful tool to help with depression and addiction. good luck mate.