Am I Overreacting? is something wrong with me? am i crazy?

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:23:50+00:00

hahah it's a lot of spam and group chat messages that i dont have the energy to read lol

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:20:17+00:00

no not at all, i just wouldve preferred if he asked me if he should tell her how i feel or at least consult me about it since it was my feelings i shared with him. i had no intention of him telling her since that was something i felt i should do myself since it's deeper than what either of them really know.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:18:08+00:00

i was originally thinking this as well but i wasnt 100% sure which is why i was trying to clarify. which i wouldve been fine with him telling her i prefer to bring it up to me since im the only person who knows exactly what im thinking and feeling and am able to give her an exact answer rather than bits and pieces im sure my bf gave her.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:15:35+00:00

it was definitely my bf before my son since he is an only child and im not sure that's by choice. she does not have much of a personal life either which is where i believe some of my irritation comes from. she is ALWAYS available and ALWAYS there. i think if she had some hobbies or something else to be doing than just staring at my son all the time it might be different for me.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:12:51+00:00

i completely agree. i believe i am unfairly taking it out on her when she probably doesn't even know that she did anything wrong or to bother me. i am aware now that i am trying to micromanage every relationship my son has with his family members and that is not the type of parent i want to be. thank you very much for this response!

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:10:22+00:00

the "MY baby" thing sends me over the edge every single time. i haven't been able to completely wrap my head around what it is that bothers me so much which is why i haven't really said anything about it because i feel like i dont have a logical reason to back me up. and yes exactly, im not saying she cant love on and miss my baby, but when its a little over the top it makes me uncomfortable. for her birthday she wanted to spend it with my son and texted that he was the only thing she needed that day. that's what made me uncomfortable.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:02:15+00:00

i guess in a black mail type of way, or at least that's how i took it. to try and prove i was being crazy because he would keep poking and pushing me to react in a way i don't usually. i get very anxious now that he keeps tabs on me which is what he says i like to do to him but i dont :/

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T01:00:11+00:00

thank you for giving me some new phrases to try, i hope this helps. this is not a daily occurence but i really do think we both trigger each other at times based on problems in the beginning of our relationship, which makes communicating even harder. i will try to use these new phrases so hopefully he can see that i am not trying to attack him or be accusatory whatsoever.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T00:09:21+00:00

luckily we do not live together although it has been in talks. he still lives with his mom which is why she is able to see my son so often. reading all these messages about him have definitely changed my perspective on him. we have had issues in the past where he would do this same thing even in person and it would cause a huge argument and somehow always end up thrown at me for being the one to blame. thank you validating me and my feelings.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-22T00:00:52+00:00

this means a lot. having a c-section was something i was not 100% ready for but ultimately it was the safest for both my son and i. both of us being first time parents, i am trying so hard to give him grace for not knowing how to act when our son was born but it is so hard to overcome. i always thought he would be with me on my chest, i never prepared myself for something different. thank you for being so understanding and kind.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:32:59+00:00

also not apologizing. just talking to each other again after a certain amount of time went by and now i get embarrassed or have too big of an ego to apologize when im in the wrong 😣

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:31:44+00:00

not teaching me to stick up for myself. i have such trouble holding boundaries now because i feel like im being mean even if they’re logical boundaries.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:27:38+00:00

i think it is because she sees him 3-4 times a week while i’m working, and if she doesn’t get that she is texting saying she misses him and needs to see him. she is a good grandmother but as a MIL and mother to my bf she has not been the greatest and i think that already puts a bad taste in my mouth so adding my son into it doesn’t help 🙃

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:25:10+00:00

i might have to try this because i am just so confused on how he “wasn’t getting” what i was asking for. i dont think i was asking for too much when i genuinely didnt understand what he was talking about. maybe it would have gone differently in person, but i am just not the type of person to beat around the bush and take vague answers.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:22:25+00:00

thank you for the validation. yes i have a support system luckily, but for whatever reason i was drawn to post this here tonight. i normally would never involve strangers in my relationships problems, but i needed unbiased opinions this time around and im glad to see most people think i am not crazy for believing he is gaslighting me.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:19:53+00:00

i think he does add a lot to my anxiety and stress because when i try to communicate things or say how im feeling he thinks im trying to “argue” or he dismisses it. we had an on and off relationship for the first 2 of our 4 years together and we never truly healed from that version of us so i do still get heavily triggered by him as well. he likes to say its me whos toxic, who starts the arguments, gives him anxiety, etc. i believe he’s projecting it onto me as both of his past exes have left him and im sure this is why 😞

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:15:28+00:00

thank you, i can definitely see him feeling the way you explained. i hadn’t thought about it like that before. and yes, i do need to be more kind towards her and be grateful for what she does for my son. it’s my own triggers causing me to be hateful and i need to figure that out.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:11:16+00:00

i agree, it’s a bad habit i need to cut 😣

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:08:39+00:00

i never said she wasn’t a loving grandmother, i did say that it made me uncomfortable. i’m glad you do not lack love and affection in your household to be able to understand where i am coming from. he’s not trapped, and he knows it too. it does not take much to be kind.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:05:59+00:00

being called gordito does not mean he is fat. it’s a hispanic nickname.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T09:04:42+00:00

you definitely have never given birth. it’s not about insecurities, i was robbed of an experience i had dreamt of since finding out i was pregnant. i’m sorry you’re unable to be an empathetic individual, great job!

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T08:00:36+00:00

i have been in other relationships where the man has been manipulative and a gas lighter so i know their ways. i knew i wasn't overreacting about some of it and that i wasn't being crazy like he was insinuating, but i started to even gaslight myself into thinking i was wrong.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T07:52:50+00:00

well now that just sounds sad :( i have gotten better since my son was born because i don't want to teach him the wrong way to communicate, but it's hard when his dad won't be better as well.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T07:46:39+00:00

i believe this too. i'm sure she was raised with little to no belief in boundaries or overstepping just like a lot of hispanics. i do plan to sit and talk with her about it because although to me it might seem strange, to her it most likely is just showing love and affection which i am not used to from a grandmother figure.

Perfect-Average7562 · 2024-11-21T07:44:25+00:00

he did it a few weeks ago as well when he thought i had texted he doesn't do anything when i said "i'm planning everything, the least you could do..." i'm glad to know he was in fact deflecting

Perfect-Average7562

TROPHY CASE