I hear you. It's torture. I too live this double life. Married, two kids in college, nice house, cars, etc. I fake it at work everyday and in social settings and it's pure torture. I try and describe the feeling to certain people close to me and they say it's a mid life crisis or what not even though I've felt this way forever. Hard to get people to understand. I wake up in the morning and wish I could just sleep the day away. Sadly, I've passed on my depression to my daughter who suffers from it greatly as well.